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earthvsjazz · 5 years

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How to Properly Watch Poltergeist - By EarthVsJazz

A Guide To Watching My Favorite Movie of All Time (1982)

Listening to: Doug Stanhope Podcast #312

Playing: With iMovie trying to put out My First YT Reaction Video

Eating: Dollar General Sour Neon Crawlers (Gummy Worms)

Drinking: Soda

Smoking: Colorado Best Dabs “Mother Earth”

The other day I had the Pleasure of watching Poltergeist the other day with some of the people from the cast on Rabbit (Link Below)...

Back in the day, This was a tradition for me. On Halloween...I didn’t dress up or pass out candy....but I would have a certain ritual that I invented to make me happy while enjoying my favorite movie of all time...

Over the last couple of months I have been collecting some Poltergeist Memorabilia and I realized that it had been too long since watching this movie...

I gave this list on cast the other day...but I wanted in depth to be able to show others how I would go about enjoying any of three movies in this series...

So here is a list of How to Properly Watch Poltergeist:

#1 Own Poltergeist

This might seem redundant to say, but in todays world it’s easy to forget that people used to buy movies...I come from the world of Video Stores, My Father worked in Video Distribution for years, I still remember the Huge show room floor, where I would spend hours looking at every movie cover..

My Parents used to Own a Video Store, As a teenager (1998-1999)I worked for Hollywood Video when DVD’s first came out....I was with Blockbuster from 2005-2008 right before the Titanic Sank..and was replaced by Redbox...I was there for it all...

I want to stress that everyone should have this movie in their collection...Not on the Cloud...Tangible, physical Media that you can put on your shelf...If you can’t there are other popular Streaming services that have this movie...Own it, don’t steal it...You’re better then that..(Enjoy a stock photo of the 80′s Big Clamshell VHS version)

#2 Watch with Someone

Yes this is an important Step...Not to be taken likely...I’ve Said this on cast...I will say it here, and I will one day make a T-Shirt

“Being Alone Should Be Illegal” - EarthVsjazz

The best way to enjoy this movie, and to make sure that future generations continue to enjoy this cinematic masterpiece is to watch with Friends or Family..A loved one....A Co-Worker, Your Grandma, Your Cousins, anyone you can invite to watch this will do..

Bouns Points: Someone who hasnt seen it.

Double Bonus Points: If that someone also is under 10, and hasn’t seen it yet. This movie terrified me as Child...

#3 Turn Down the AC!

It Needs to Be Cold. Like Really COLD! Colder then You have ever had your AC...If at all possible rent a Hotel, or cover your entire house in loose broken ice cubes from your refrigerator...

I recommend watching this in the Dead of winter, or hacking your AC system to allow for colder then normally possible temperatures...

I cannot stress this enough....If you have the chance to watch this movie in a igloo,ice cave or Fortress of Solitude...Take the Chance...YOLO!

This Step should be done during the prep for the movie to ensure maximum viewing pleasure...

*Life Hack: If you are unable to get your AC unit to the proper temperature (69°F or Below) Top off with Freon .

#3 Meal Prep

Supplies Needed:

1 - Bowl, Possibly Ceramic...If you’re not a knuckle dragging neanderthal, you should already own some Stoneware on hand...

*Life Hack...Cover in water and Place in Freezer for at least 20 Min before showtime

1 - 1/2 Gallon of RED LABEL WHOLE MILK (Depends on how many Guests you are entertaining)

This is non-negotiable...I cannot and do not drink Milk anymore...It destroys my insides up like Broken Glass...but that doesn’t mean I can’t live vicariously through you the reader...No Almond, Soy, Powder, 2%, None of that will do..If you drink Skim milk, you should stop torturing yourself....WHOLE MILK that is as cold as you can get it with out actually freezing it.

1 - Giant Bag of Coco Dyno-Bites

If you live overseas I’m not mad at you...but if you live in the Good Ol’USA you have a Dollar General or Walmart and they sell Giant Bags of Cereal...Then you are in luck....

*Yes, you are free to choose any cereal you so desire, but if you are still reading this, then the purpose of this particular article is to have the specific “EarthVsJazz™ Poltergeist Experience”

1 - Spoon *Also Stored in Freezer

1 - Napkin *As Needed

*Life Hack, Have materials ready on hand, but do not combine milk to cereal before you are comfortable and all other preparations have been met..

Remember Kids!

Always “Pour At the Lion’s Roar”!

(No one Says that I just made it up)

#4 Surround Sound

I cannot recommend enough the importance of Surround sound when viewing this movie. Especially if you are viewing this Digitally or Remastered Versions it is essential..A Soundbar will not be enough, the viewer must have a subwoofer as well as 5.1 or above calibrated Surround Sound to ensure maximum viewing pleasure..

#5 Turn off the Lights!

Once you have all the requirements met...Place any additional items that might be needed by you...Extra Blankets, Pets, Drinks Etc....

When Completed it is now nessesary to TURN OFF THE LIGHTS...Mute your cell phone, and get ready to Pour the Milk as described in Step 3

*Life Hack: Use Dark Blankets or Flex Seal to get rid of unwanted light sources.

If someone in your group suggests that they only saw the remake...Unfriend them and ostrasize them from your group or tribe...Keep in my mind I did not see the remake, but thats not the point...I can hate things Ive never seen before and never gave a chance.

#6 Final Thoughts

Matt Suggested that the viewer should not wear pants during the movie...Normally I would include this on my list, but I feel it would be conterintuive to the low temperatures described above...so I leave it as an honrable mention..

I really enjoyed putting this post up..and wish I had more subjects to blog about...My lifestyle consists of Chinese food/Jerk off/repeat...so when I actually get inspired to an actual blog post..I jump at it..That being said..if you have any subjects that you would like me to cover or talk about Please LMK..

I pride myself on trying as hard as I can to provide original content and wish I could do this more..

This is my favorite movie of all time..Im not even sure why..But it has always had a special place in my heart...

If you tried the techniques described here I would really love to know if it added to the experience.

I know this is TLDR but I do appreciate it...Feedback is more then appreciated..

Thanks for your time

- EarthVsJazz

#earthvsjazz #poltergiest #poltergeistthemovie #howto #lifehack

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