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#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like
opens-up-4-nobody
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7 months
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing
#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like
#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do
#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible
#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done
#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing
#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate
#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem
#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research
#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head
#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck
#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?
#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads
#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?
#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?
#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed
#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me
#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a
#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would
#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.
#unrelated
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