#quesadilla island and the illusion of choice.

[jestiamy]

qsmp makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist almost constantly. I see someone go "yeah bad almost exclusively chooses tophats in games when given the option" and I immediately run back to my conspiracy board and pin that next to the photo of q!slime and q!mariana saying they'll adopt juanaflippa because she has glasses like q!slime/q!mariana respectively under a sticky note captioned "??? the original spanish-english egg pairs were designed in a way meant to attract certain parents to adopting them???", that's connected by red string to a note pad page stating "how random was the parent pairing REALLY?" with nothing under it - which is then connected to a string that leads to several polaroids containing the ending(s) of the wall and the wreckage of the button, captioned "why build a wall that big only to have it end at a certain point?" followed by a string connected to a notebook page in the middle of the board reading "the illusion of choice?" - connected to several other seemingly dead-end questions and theories, as well as some slight stragglers only connected to eachother and not the middle. and then I look over my board covered in feverish notes and I go. yeah okay so I may just have like a slight problem

#quesadilla island and the illusion of choice. #i am so normal #I spent. a little bit too long on this bit I think. #saying stuff #I have more thoughts but it's just the generic stuff. #why does the federation want the residents on the island so badly. how did wilbur even leave the island. #why did islanders from the island itself vs others who aren't arrive the same way. what the fuck is up with the codes. #why do the feds insist on having a good rapport with the islanders. why do they try to desensitize them to their presence via tasks. #why do they try so hard to look non-threatening to the point even grunt workers carry around bubble wands to blow on the regular. #a lot of this is easily “the federation wants to build trust” but that's also a why. what do they stand to gain from doing that. #hold on where's my nerd tag #i think. #oh my god really. #that's. okay yeah that checks out actually #qsmp #quackity smp #q!cellbit a man of the people (I am burning with questions about the federation all of the time oh my god.) #edit if you see spelling mistakes in this post do not correct me please I have a fragile ego #I did not notice until four hours had passed and now I'm committed to pretending I do not in fact care about it

[guapoduoshipper]

Me dejó.

After the initial excitement I got from the scene in which q!Roier talked about q!Cellbit to Pepito where he told him that he is also his father and that, despite the circumstances, he has faith that he is still alive, I noticed something (and I saw that other people also noticed): he never mentioned that he had hopes that q!Cellbit will return to the island.

At first I thought it was just that maybe it was implicit in the fact that he had faith that he was well and that he would see him again, but my illusions fell apart after he told Pepito that he "loved" q!Cellbit, conjugating in the past tense. Then it fell like a bucket of cold water, he didn't say it that way because he doesn't feel that love anymore (q!Roier loves q!Cellbit with all his heart) but because he doesn't want that by accepting that he still loves him, that love will become a force against q!Cellbit's decision.

I remembered then that it is not the first time q!Roier does something similar: keeping his feelings to himself to respect q!Cellbit's decision, when he saw him agreeing to marry q!Quackity during Festa Junina's fake weddings, he had already made it clear: I care for your happiness.

q!Roier has listened over and over again to "Que lloro" by Sin Bandera where one of the verses says: "Ya lo entendí, no eres para mí" (I got it, you're not for me).

The negotiation phase of q!Roier's mourning did not focus on holding on to the hope that they will meet again. For q!Roier, it is enough that q!Cellbit is alive.

Because that's all he can do with the limited, almost zero, information he has. It's the only thing he can negotiate: On a hellish island, thousands of miles away from him, without the slightest intention of returning, but alive.

Yes, he had promised to go after him if someone took him away against his will again, but what should or could he do if the one who chose to leave was q!Cellbit himself?, would he still want his husband to find him?

Didn't q!Cellbit himself say "together until the end" before they were thrown into purgatory? Roier ran to the ship with that in mind, credulously thinking that they would meet there after the earthquake and face whatever was next together.

After searching for him inside the ship he realized that q!Cellbit was not there, he began to ask for him more than once. He received no answer. q!Cellbit did not want him to go looking for him. We know it was to protect him. We know it, but q!Roier does not.

Then anger arises, a feeling proper to mourning, the "he left me, he abandoned me". It is not an anger born of hatred. It is an anger born of genuine pain from a wounded love. It IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE intended to make q!Cellbit a villain in his argument or to invalidate the many, many reasons he may have had for deciding to stay on an island a million times worse than Quesadilla because they are all weighty, they are all justified but, why should q!Roier have to assimilate them just like that without being able to get angry even for a moment? He only knows that he was thrown back into loneliness, thrown by the one who swore to him in his wedding vows that he would never live anything like that again. And even if it was with every intention of saving his life that can't help that it hurts. It can't help but make him feel left out.

It is a natural response that he HAS A RIGHT to as he sees the love of his life left behind, with a high probability of dying, while he is left with no choice but to pick up the pieces that are left of him while everyone, and even his own husband, hopes that one way or another he will manage to move on.

He has the right to because q!Roier, above all else, is only a human, a human who has suffered, who has been betrayed, humiliated and stripped again and again of the people he loves. Seeing how when he seems to finally have happiness in his hands, it slips through his fingers like water. Boiling water that leaves his skin scalded.

#qsmp #guapoduo #spiderbit #qsmp roier #qsmp cellbit #q!roier #q!cellbit #roier qsmp #cellbit qsmp #just a guapoduoshipper: analysis #In Meta reasons cc!Roier is doing an excellent job to give cc!Cellbit space for his projects without pressuring him. #BUT IT HURTS LIKE HELL