#reluctantseer

[liabilitytm]

❝ i don’t wanna be alone. ❞ @ cam!

@reluctantseer.

“you’re not.” and those words are all you feel the need to say. no matter how rough things get, no matter what comes between you, you’ll never leave him. lewis has been with you your entire life, has been with you through things you never thought you’d experience. you literally died, and once he got over the fact that you hadn’t immediately told him (you tried to explain that you were dead, but it turned out that the big dream you had when you died wasn’t actually a dream and was in fact your ghost hanging out with lou. something still never really talked about), he took you in with open arms. the two of you could face anything, you’d always end up on top. “i’m here. i’ll always be here.” literally always. you’re not gonna die of old age. you’ll sit there looking twenty-two when he’s so old that he doesn’t look like him anymore. you’ll always be there, even after he’s gone. it’s something you think about every day, and you’re sure he thinks about it all the time too. but right now that doesn’t matter. right now you have your own eternity sitting in each other’s arms.

#reluctantseer #「 answered 」 #「 answered memes 」 #「 in character | camden clark 」 #「 main verse | camden clark 」

[tragictm]

❝ I love you, will you marry me? ❞ lewis @ cam :)

「 meme  |  @reluctantseer 」

ITS  AN  AVERAGE  DAY,  at  least  as  far  as  you’re  aware.  or  more,  it’s  an  average  night.  the  sun  has  long  set  and  the  two  of  you  are  strolling  the  streets,  not  a  care  in  the  world,  like  everything’s  normal.  like  you’re  normal.  the  two  of  you  know  better,  steer  clear  of  churches  and  keep  away  from  any  place  that  has  any  chance  of  garlic.  you  don’t  dare  risk  ruining  this.

YOUR  NIGHT  HAD  STARTED  IN  THE  CEMETERY,  your  old  grave  now  hidden  amongst  overgrown  grass,  surrounded  by  bodies  that  would  never  get  the  chance  to  see  life  once  more.  it  had  been  something  about  closure,  your  big  plan  to  leave  the  trauma  behind.  but  that  isn’t  how  trauma  works,  and  it  certainly  isn’t  so  simple  for  you  to  rid  yourself  of  pain.  lou  had  put  down  flowers,  pink  carnations  to  represent  remembrance  and  white  carnations  for  pure  love  and  innocence.  perhaps  less  meaningful  considering  he’d  bought  them  from  your  store  earlier,  but  that’s  just  how  things  are.  funny  that  at  the  time  you  hadn’t  noticed  him  grab  some  red  roses.

THE  NIGHT  IS  COLD,  but  every  second  you  spend  together  is  full  of  warmth.  love  strong  enough  to  brace  the  harshest  weather,  love  strong  enough  to  conquer  death.  you  still  remember  it  all,  climbing  out  of  that  grave  and  wanting  nothing  but  him.  there  was  chaos  when  you  found  him,  his  disbelief  at  both  your  death  and  your  life,  but  once  he’d  reluctantly  made  sense  of  it  all  things  had  so  easily  become  more  real.  feelings  once  hidden  were  openly  shared,  contact  once  avoided  now  sought  after.  the  two  of  you  had  always  been  an  unstoppable  force,  but  after  you  died  your  relationship  only  grew  stronger.

YOU  CANT  PRETEND  IT  WAS  ALL  SMOOTH  SAILING,  there  were  countless  stupid  fights  and  long  forgotten  insults  yelled  in  fear.  those  nights  where  you’d  sit  alone  in  your  room,  desperate  to  speak  but  knowing  that  he  didn’t  think  the  same,  knowing  that  he  was  asleep  without  care.  countless  days  where  you’d  hide  in  a  room  as  dark  as  your  mind  while  he  was  forced  to  deal  with  his  demons  in  the  sunlight.  apologies  rarely  came  in  lengthy  explanations,  simply  nights  spent  together  in  a  bed  with  whispers  about  being  together  forever,  about  never  being  alone.  you  always  believed  it,  and  yet  you  never  expected  a  real  commitment.

YOU’RE  AT  THE  PARK  WHEN  HE  GETS  ON  ONE  KNEE,  the  school  where  you’d  met  being  the  touching  backdrop  to  the  moment.  somehow  the  place  feels  eerie  now,  far  smaller  than  you’d  ever  believed  yet  somehow  a  giant  pit  of  mysterious  darkness.  along  the  fence  fairy  lights  twinkle  like  stars  and  the  wind  blows  just  enough  for  his  hair  to  sweep  the  way  you  like  it.  roses  from  your  store  stare  you  in  the  face,  an  eyebrow  raised  as  you  resist  the  urge  to  tell  him  he  stole  those.  it  isn’t  until  he’s  really  down  on  one  knee,  really  pulling  the  ring  out,  that  the  situation  set  in.

BUT  OF  COURSE  THAT  WAS  WHAT  WAS  HAPPENING,  the  two  of  you  had  taken  a  stroll  down  memory  lane  in  a  way  you  never  do.  from  your  death  to  your  high  school  to  where  it  all  began,  the  whole  trip  had  led  to  this  moment.  tears  begin  to  brim  as  he  speaks,  head  shaking  slightly  in  confusion.  surely  this  isn’t  happening?  you’ve  always  dreamed  of  it,  but  you  learned  a  long  time  ago  that  its  only  ever  the  nightmares  that  come  true.

IT  FEELS  AS  THOUGH  YOUR  HEART  STOPS  IN  THE  MOMENT,  your  brain  ignoring  the  fact  that  it  stopped  a  long  time  ago.  he  wants  to  spend  the  rest  of  his  life  with  you,  and  of  course  you  want  the  same,  but  the  thought  that  hits  you  puts  a  sudden  halt  to  the  excitement.  "but  you’re  going  to  get  old,  and  you’re  going  to  die.“  and  that  is  how  it  goes,  and  that’s  something  you  want  to  share  with  him,  but  that’s  something  you’ll  never  know.  "I  want  to  spend  forever  with  you,  this  is  a  yes.”  spoken  quickly  as  you  take  his  hands,  lowering  to  your  knees  yourself.  "but  it’s  only  a  yes  if  you’re  sure  you  want  this.  if  you’re  sure  you’re  okay  with  getting  old  while  I  stay  like  this,  as  long  as  you’re  okay  with  there  eventually  being  a  whole  world  between  us.“

AND  THEN  YOU  HAVE  ANOTHER  THOUGHT.  a  worse  thought.  "unless..”  something  you’re  sure  you  know  the  answer  to,  something  that  has  come  up  more  than  once.  "unless  you  want  our  forever,  your  forever,  to  really  be…  forever.“

#lou: marry me :) #cam: did u steal flowers from me to give to me??? #emptykept #reluctantseer #「 answered 」 #「 answered memes 」 #「 in character | camden clark 」 #「 main verse | camden clark 」 #proof reading? idk her

[naivelost]

“Really? Are you really going to throw snowballs?” #grump !

winter ball / accepting !!

   His response is clear enough - another snowball hits Lewis’ jacket with a satisfying smack, Ben clearly not above snickering like a child. He lounges against the wall, a bit too cocky that he didn’t have time to prepare any counter attacks. “ I’m The Ghost Of Christmas Past, here to get you to lighten up. ”

#reluctantseer #o i miss ur kids!! #esp ben's endless torture of lewis

[tastelcsshaze]

Appearing Straight™: A Tutorial by Lewis Darby

#reluctantseer #ᶦ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵏ ʷᵉᶫᶫ ᵍᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦˢᵗᵃᶰᶜᵉ ⸢ out. ⸥ #this psd looks gross on jadoat but i just changed psd and im lazy

[tastelcsshaze-a]

Okay i woke up at noon and got right on tumblr to do this so there’s a chance things in this are not gonna make a bunch of sense. BUT ANYWAY today is my favorite persons birthday so happy birthday Rachel and welcome to adulthood you’re gonna love it. so have a look under the cut for me being sappy and me being super proud of Rachel.

@empathreading, @reluctantseer, @ghostmade, @lapislost, @nostalgicdan.

Okay so Rachel u may be wondering what possible thing i have to say this year because the last couple of years I’ve just constantly said that i love you and don’t get me wrong here i still love you so very much but I’m gonna try to say that through this without actually just repeating the words i love you over and over.

So lets start with the fact that come December that’s 3 years of our friendship. 3 years. That’s one of the longest friendships I’ve ever actually had and we're actually so much closer than I’ve been with most of my friends in the past, and of all the friends I had 3 years ago I’m only really still good friends with two people. You and Raine, and is it a coincidence that you both happen to rp on tumblr with me? Probably Not. But seriously, we've watched each other grow up and change and we’ve been through so much in our personal lives and I can’t speak for you but I can say that after a terrible day I always feel better and sometimes even safer just by being able to talk to you.

Considering we talk more or less daily, I probably talk to you more often than just about anyone else, and the fact that we talk over messages is a really interesting thing for me because I kind of struggle to message people especially people I know because I feel awkward with how i type and i question if i should type more/less formally and all that, but with you I don’t ever have to worry about that kinda stuff. 

But lets move on a bit to that part where I said I was gonna talk about how proud of you I am. I don’t know if that’s a shock to you or not, but I am proud of you. Crazy proud. I’ve seen you go through your late teen years, I’ve seen you grow from a fifteen year old to a legal adult. You don’t need to be worried about being 18, to me it was pretty similar to 17 and I think you’ll make it through. But back to why I’m proud, I’ve seen you go through a lot, and I’ve tried to help where I can but there’s only so much that I can do from across an ocean and through a screen. You’ve told me I’ve helped you and believe me you’ve helped me too, but I do feel like I can’t help as much as I’d like because we're so far from each other. If I had more money that last line would segue into me moving to Australia or coming to visit you or something but I don’t have that kind of money so let’s just pretend it didn’t sound like a set up.

Something you may not know or maybe you do is that I did plan for about half a year on going to Aus, had ideas of when and had this big plan, but clearly that didn’t happen. I’d been planning on flying over for your high school graduation, be there as you leave the high school system and meet you in person when things were undoubtedly gonna get just a little harder for a bit. It didn’t happen, I couldn’t afford it, but one day I’ll meet you in person I know it. So this is getting a little long and there’s a million things I’d like to say but I don’t know exactly how to say any of it so I love you, I’m proud of you and Happy Birthday.

#empathreading #reluctantseer #ghostmade #lapislost #nostalgicdan #me on the 10th: rachels birthdays in a couple days i should start on my birthday thing 4 her #me at noon today: i should.... start that thing #ᵍᵒ ᵗᵒ ˢᶫᵉᵉᵖ ʸᵒᵘ ᶫᶦᵗᵗᶫᵉ ᵇᶫᵉᵉᵖ ⸢ out. ⸥

[undeadbcy-blog]

Lewis “No Homo” Darby @reluctantseer

#reluctantseer #ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʙʟᴇᴇᴘ ( out. )

[naturamanipulare-a-blog]

"i'm not saying stay but, you should stick around. if you want." Trying™. also memes who.

@reluctantseer

that’s enough for poppy. with a smile she puts her things down and sits down, smiling gently at the boy. “thanks.” it’s slightly awkward as they just sit there, so she breaks the silence with the first thing she thinks of. “cam really loves you.” she looks over to cam’s door before turning back to lou. “i mean, like, that boy loves flowers, but he’d destroy the earth in a heartbeat to keep you safe. he’d put you before anything.”

#poppy: i gotta say something #poppy: so ur roommate sure is in love with u #is this before or after they start dating?? no one knows #reluctantseer #ᶰᵒ ᵒᶰᵉ ᵏᶰᵒʷˢ ᶦᵗ ᵃᶫᶫ ⸢ answered. ⸥

[sunnaesa]

tags : gabriel 

#╳┊ in character — gabriel newton #╳┊ main verse — gabriel newton #╳┊ apocalypse verse — gabriel newton #╳┊ teen wolf verse — gabriel newton #╳┊ study — gabriel newton #╳┊ aesthetic — gabriel newton #╳┊ headcanons — gabriel newton #╳┊ visage — gabriel newton #╳┊ physique — gabriel newton #╳┊ edits — gabriel newton #╳┊ closed starter — gabriel newton #╳┊ open starter — gabriel newton #╳┊ tag dump #╳┊ gabriel & eldon — empathreading #╳┊ gabriel & lewis — reluctantseer

[intovoid-moved]

It's 6:30am and I just spent an hour typing up some drafts what's up

#i woke up at 5 and my toothache was real bad so i cried for half an hour then took some painkillers and did some drafts #ill post em once i eventually get up #might sleep more #also!!! im meant to meet rachel in person today!!! im gonna cry!!! #rachel as in queen of my heart empathreading reluctantseer stillyouth ohgavins #jcstafriend if u feel like really travelling back in time #we became friends in 2014!!! and now im gonna see her!! gonna cry lots!!! #001. ooc posts

[escapetm]

TAGS  —  imogen.

#「 iii — imogen shaw | musings 」 #「 iii — imogen shaw | aesthetic 」 #「 iii — imogen shaw | headcanons 」 #「 iii — imogen shaw | physique 」 #「 iii — imogen shaw | visage 」 #「 iii — imogen shaw | edits 」 #「 iiii — reluctantseer | imogen & lewis 」 #「 i — tag dump 」

[liabilitytm]

"He didn’t make it." (yet again) for camden!!

@reluctantseer.

the words repeat in your head, an echo of the doctors voice. you did it wrong, you messed everything up. it’s done. he’s gone. he trusted you and now he’s gone and now you can feel yourself disappearing. this is all your fault and you know it. he knew the risk, right? he knew you had to die before it worked, right? he wasn’t scared was he? you remember how scared you were and it kills you to think of lewis going through that. but yours was sudden, unexpected. he knew it was coming. it was at home. it wasn’t horrific. was it?

you knew this was coming, you never should’ve brought him here. but you had to, you know you did. you couldn’t just leave his dead body in the apartment. well, you very much could’ve, but it soon would’ve started to smell and then people would ask questions and you’d get calls about him missing work and all that would suck. not that this is fun, this also definitely sucks.

but you had to bring him here. avoid suspicions, have him buried. you have a plan, a good one. you’d bury him with his phone, he’ll wake up and it’ll be easy! he can just send you a text! you can dig him up! he doesn’t have to claw out of his grave scared and alone. he doesn’t have to do things the way you had to.

even with all of this planning, knowing what happened and knowing he’s coming back, you feel like you’re falling apart. you didn’t do it wrong. you had gabe there, much to lewis’ dismay, to make sure it was all done right. you did it right, he’s coming back. he has to. but what if he doesn’t.

“oh god.” it sounds like shock that he’s dead, but it isn’t. it’s the sound of you realizing that his family is gonna find out. they’re gonna hear he died, they’re gonna mourn. they’re going to fall apart. they’ll have a funeral. they won’t try to cremate him will they? can you tell them he’s coming back? would he even want them to know that? you go to text him, but he’s not going to be able to respond yet. you’ve never had to deal with not being able to contact lewis before.

you have to tell them, but how? they’d hate you, you’re sure of it. how could they not? you killed their son. that’s what happened, no matter how you explain it. you killed lewis. that’s the truth. he’s coming back, but that doesn’t change the fact that you killed the love of your life. you can’t just say ‘oh he’s coming back, he’ll live forever, it’ll be fine.’ because it wont be fine. he’ll live to see his family die, just like you will. he’ll watch as his great great great grand-nephew dies. he’ll live long enough to see his family tree die. death will forever be the center of his life.

you feel selfish for doing it, but he wanted it. he asked. he gave himself over to you, he knew what was coming. you refuse to accept it as his fault, but he wanted it. gabe said not to go to hospital, said to bury him yourself. said that saves money and time and keeps his family out of it. you can’t keep them out of it. he has a little sister, you can’t keep her out of it.

you wish you were like lewis, wish you could see ghosts. but you can’t. you can tell he’s with you, can feel that presence you only ever feel with him, but the only ‘him’ you can see is the body covered by a sheet being wheeled to the morgue. he’s gonna come back, you know that. but you don’t know that. gabe said every time is a risk. lou knew that, right? he knew that things could go wrong? but they didn’t. you’ll forever tell yourself it didn’t. but he might not come back. all you can do is hope. and pray. and beg whatever god there is to keep him around. he didn’t deserve to die young, he deserves to live forever. if anyone deserved to die young it was you. 

he’s dead. you killed him. he’s meant to come back. but what if he doesn’t?

#reluctantseer #idk what u expected but i made a novel as usual with angst #my angst is a little rusty but i still cried #「 answered 」 #「 answered memes 」 #「 in character | camden clark 」 #「 main verse | camden clark 」 #death //

[tragictm]

Why did no one tell us it got this long @reluctantseer

#i also 100% do not have everyone #the oc gang is 2 big 2 keep track :/

[naivelost]

👫 for ben n lewis (rip) !

four headcanons i have about our muse’s relationship / accepting.

i know we’ve said it but they really are jim and dwight. “i’ve sent lewis emails… from himself…from the future” 

but on a serious note: does ben simply enjoy messing with lewis 24/7? yes. but also i think the more they know each other ben recognises that being pissed™ at him might be one of the only ways lewis is actually letting anything out emotion-wise to anyone, which is why he keeps it up and never gets mad about his responses.

gifts for lewis from ben: fuzzy cat socks, a fuzzy cat jumper, hot chilli flavoured sweets, an abba cd, a mug that says ‘i’m mr grumpy.’, a selfie of him and bilbo. 

ben: casually calls lewis hotlewis: whatben: what

#emptykept #reluctantseer #i. ben x lewis.

[jcstafriend-blog]

       hi !! it's me. it's been a while since i got on here and posted but i've made the decision to leave this blog. i'll always really love aaron and appreciate what you guys have put up with in regards to me and aaron, but i wont be watching the show anymore so i think it's time to say goodbye. thank you all for sticking with me up until now and i'm sorry for being so distant ( pretty much always ) but you can find me on my oc blogs for now ! ( @empathreading & @reluctantseer ). i genuinely do appreciate the support and love that's in this fandom and i couldn't be more grateful for the friends and experiences i've made here in what has almost been two years. i wish you all the best. thanks for everything.

#ʜᴀʜᴀ ᴊᴇᴇᴢᴇ ʟᴏᴜɪsᴇ ᴍʏ ɢᴏsʜ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ғᴀɴᴛᴀsᴛɪᴄ ᴅᴀʀɴ ( ooc. ) #im not feeling it anymore but thanks for what was almost an amazing two years with aaron ! #i really do love him but i just cant really do this anymore. i'll always luv my son though :') #i don't want to b like 'i don't feel wanted here!!!!' but that's like 79% of the reason/issue idk sorry #and a lot of mental/family stuff that comes first and i just cant see myself ever coming back here which really sucks #but thank u !!!!!! i love this fandom and u all so much !! #but really do hmu on my other blogs and on skype & stuff ! ok. #i do feel really bad just kinda. Ditching. which is what i'm doing p much bc of threads and all so sorry about that. really.

[sunnaesa]

tags : camden

#╳┊ in character — camden clark #╳┊ main verse — camden clark #╳┊ apocalypse verse — camden clark #╳┊ teen wolf verse — camden clark #╳┊ study — camden clark #╳┊ aesthetic — camden clark #╳┊ headcanons — camden clark #╳┊ visage — camden clark #╳┊ physique — camden clark #╳┊ edits — camden clark #╳┊ closed starter — camden clark #╳┊ open starter — camden clark #╳┊ camden & lewis — reluctantseer #╳┊ tag dump