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#remember correctly but actually u totally dont but like. im not having problems rememberi g other things like that right now. and i
be-good-to-bugs
·
5 months
Text
when i feel very lonely i get fizzled out of doing anything after less than an hour
#the bin
#been feeling much more lonely since moving into this apartment and i cant draw bc of it
#cause i have trouble continuing things i was drawing earlier. when i try im filled with this horrible exhaustion and sadness
#its easier to feel better when im living more alone because i can play music or walk around and talk to myself and try to make things
#brighter for me but when im living with someone especially someone who i really dislike its just impossible to do
#and worse i have to hear them be here which just makes me feel even worse
#ugh. my relationship with my sister has gone from bleh to awful. her absolute refusal to take me into consideration for anything including
#bringing people over at nogjt without even telling me at all. the last straw. absolutely the last straw
#hey yknow id love it if in the middle of the noght when i want a snack and dont wanna get all dressed id like to know theres someone here
#cause id rather not them need the bathroom the same time and im just in my underwear. but noooo i dont have the need to know theres
#some other person in my facking home. nope not my right
#the thing where she insists she tells me that she was gonna have someone over when she didnt has been pissing me off a lot because she
#uses the fact i have a poor memory to say why actually i misremembered..shes like well ur perception of reality sucks so u THINK u
#remember correctly but actually u totally dont but like. im not having problems rememberi g other things like that right now. and i
#distinctly remember these conversations and i always make not of when someoens gonna be here and when you tell me i remember
#and theres so much proof that she also forgets stuff. but i honestly think she might be intentionally lying abt it because she forgot
#to ask or didnt want me to say no. well i am saying no. idc if theyre already here. yall can go hangout elsewhere bc i wasnt told abt tjis
#and i deserve to have quiet in my own home. its literally all i have.
#ive been feeling like maybe shes not so bad. people grow and change and sometimes you dontjat in different directions
#and you dont get along well anymore. i hear her say to other people that im still her favorite person so its very one sided abt this
#honestly though its not just that we dont get along well anymore but nobody is at fault because she is at fault
#its not like i never let her bring people over. i do. im just askingmthat im notified first. and her response to forgetting or choosing not
#to tell me is to use my mental health things against me to say im just too mentally ill to knoq if i remember tnings cleatly
#then how come tnis only ever happens with this thing or cleaning stuff? it ONLY rver happens with stuff that she wouldve needed to tell me
#about that are important. oh an important bill i needed to know abt but u didnt tell me? i did but u forgot.
#but never anything else. its only ever tnings that she would be in the wrong for not telling me about if she hadnt. thats it
#so yonow im thinking maybe. u didnt tell me. which wouldnt blther me so much if she didnt just say actually i did but ur schizophrenia
#made u forget wow ur so insano haha
#ugh. she sucks. literally dont even wanna built legos with her even tho the set is cool as fuck bc being around her sucks
#wow sorry for my many many many tags complaining about my sister. living with her is awful :/
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