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beatrizamante · 4 days

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First of all, I'd like to thank @renru @reesevernerlovebot @honeylemonbutte and Bee too (I believe I don't follow her ç.ç) for giving me the courage to start posting these. And @lacunafiction for thins wonderful story omg, I love her book.

_Fallen Stars

There were books sprawled all over the floor. Astronomy, physics, star charting ones. Papers and journals filled with equations that were almost impossible to read, covering up huge constellation maps made by hand. Doctor Yu used to joke that you'd write even on the walls of the lab, given the chance.

Well, you're in your Pa's old apartment now, there's nothing stopping you. If you had some neon blue makers, you'd be sure to write down your chartings, it would look beautiful at night. Maybe people would lock you up in an asylum this time? You know that, if Dr. Yu ever hears someone repeat this to you, you’d fear for the person’s wellbeing. You got this style of brainstorming from Dr Kuiper, after all, and the trio of you were best friends since freshman years.

Dr. Lara de Armas, the astrophysicist. Dr. Sieben Kuiper, the mathematician. Dr. Morgan Yu, the engineer.

You guys made some amazing discoveries and built amazing things together. You miss them dearly.

But that's not important right now. Well, you did trail off a little bit... A portion of the wall south of the kitchen had some scribblings on. Huh, you gonna have to clean that later... Or not? It could be related to art, right? Right?

The intention was to put a monitor in that wall, anyway. Nobody has to see this. Yes, good plan, big brain.

The apartment was still getting its new decor. There were some boxes of new purchases you intended to use in this place. You've already asked for some midnight blue wallpapers. And the kitchen had some new utensils for you to use whenever you had another sudden craving for strawberry smoothies.

But where did you put your telescope...? Too many boxes! Too many boxes!!

Your thoughts are derailing again, aren't them? Ugh.

Focus!

Today was a special day, after all...

The wristwatch beeped and you stared at the time with a slight frown. There was still about an hour to gather your things and go. Getting up from the mess you were, you ask yourself how that marker ended up in your hands, but there isn’t much time to dwell on it.

There’s a smile on your face. A happy one. The kind of happiness that Bee would instantly click a picture of.

A meteor shower today was the cause for your happiness. You were the first one to discover it. Dr Yu even tinkered with your telescope for you to get a better view.

You wish they were here. The bright smile on your face dampens a little bit. But there's no time to lose. So, you march around the mess in your apartment and gather your things.

Telescope? Check

Chartings? Check

Camera for stargazing? Check

Something to sit on? Check

Time to go, Lara.

Things were loaded in your car especially fast, even if with all the gentleness in the world. There was a humming beneath your breath, a soft melody, your body moving at your tune without much thought.

" - Ok, Frodo, how are you gonna name it?

- Just because you're taller than me, doesn't mea-

- Hmmm, I'd called it the one ri-

- You're a brute, you know that?

- Morgan, stop annoying my student!

- I'm sorry, Dr. Kuiper. Now, now, Doctor de Armas, would you name it? You're the one who found its trajectory first, after all.

- It already has a name... It's a perseid!

- Are all astrophysicists this uncreative? Come on, give it a name. What would you call it?

- Uncreative? You called your arm bot "Morg_4rm".

- Better than perseid, still. Go on.

- Ugh! Possibly Ocean fall.? Ocean... drops?... Scintillans falls!

- I like the sound of that. Keep at it, Sam.

- I detest Yu.

Oh! You've forgotten something! There’s nothing to drink! That's why you stop at the diner, right...? Right?

Well, it doesn't matter, you're parched and when the diner enters in your field of view, you don't rummage your brain as for the "whys". The fact that you have butterflies in your stomach doesn't register instantly. Did you eat something you shouldn't?

Your pulse just spiked up? There was no physical activity today. Well, Mal did show you a beautiful place that he may not even know how much it meant to you. You can always bring him photos of the shower!

Why are you thinking of him right now, though? Oh, right! Because you're at the diner! And he's interesting! You like his company, even if can be really charged. The fact that your heart, at the thought of him, makes you feel like a little rabbit, doesn't matter. Must be the lack of sleep. Nothing about that cheek kiss? It can't be, right? It is because he knows too much about this town and you’re trying to understand what he is. Surely!

You find yourself inside the diner, your mind still wandering to a certain lake, the brightest smile on your face. Except when those hellish creepy spoons sound like an undead knocking in the glass. You hate those, sparing them a murderous glare.

Clyde welcomes you, mimicking your smile, and you go instantly to ask for some tea and energy drink to pack while your eyes wander. You're just taking in the diner. It's not like you already had the whole blueprint of the building in your mind. You're just taking the ambient in, right?

Right!

Must be nothing aside from that.

"Someone seems extra bright today, Ms. De Armas!", Clyde comments from his place at the cooking top, cleaning his spatula from some leftover batter. He's cooking some pancakes? The smell makes your stomach rumble. Haven’t you eaten today? Well, it doesn't matter, you can eat later.

"Nighty night, Clyde! Today is a special day, after all! I'll bring you guys some photos from a phenomena that only happens once a year. And we've managed to get some cobalt reading in this year's batch, so-", you stop suddenly when you see confusion in the chef's face. You manage to breathe in a little bit, slowing down your thinking process to make sense for the middle-aged man, a softer smile on your face. "Pardon me, Clyde. I got a bit caught up. But there will be a meteor shower today, in about... ", you stop to look at your wristwatch, pouting a little bit, "40 minutes. It's going to be to the west, and it will look like ocean blue stars."

The old chef returns your enthusiasm, smiling back at you with energy. "Then you'll need these as fast as we can make it. Maybe a special someone can make the tea just the way you prefer and you can take him with you?", the suggestion in his tone takes you off guard for a moment and you fumble with your words, blushing hard.

Wait, he means the drinks! Yeah, totally the drinks! Hundred percent sure... You think?

It wouldn’t make sense otherwise, right?

Ugh, some social cues are hard to read.

"I'd... love that!", your eyes sparkle with delight. If you manage to make it to the spot you encountered earlier, you for sure will have a great view of the event. Your hands tremble in excitement. There’s also the need to go fast, though, it’s a thought you don’t quite enjoy.

That’s when you feel it. It begins as a featherlight sensation in the nape of your neck and travels down. Your hair stands up at the end and a shivering sensation crawls beneath your skin. The bright smile vanishes from your face, replaced by an intense focus. Your gaze rests in every exit of the diner, trying to understand where the sensation comes from and where you can take cover, if needed. There’s a slight pressure in the back of your neck. Annoys you so deeply that you can’t understand why this is happening. You stand below a hanging cupboard, it acts as a protection for your thoughts as you analyze the diner. If you can pinpoint the direction it comes from, maybe yo -

“Hey there, Charmer.”, the voice comes from behind your left. It’s a honeyed tone, slightly hushed if not amused, as if you both were sharing a secret. You didn’t notice him coming. Not that this is abnormal. Is his modus operandi, after all. But you were not expecting to be taken off guard, so his sudden awake gives your body a slight jump and you hit your head in the cupboard, releasing a pathetic “Yiiik!”. You instantly protect your slightly throbbing head, looking back at him with watery eyes.

“Mal? Hey!”, your eyes abandon the diner and are naturally drawn to him. You don’t stop to think about how it is always like this. Exits, covers and possible weapons forgotten, shoved back to the back of your mind. The shivering sensation, though, intensifies. You wonder if it’s the cold coming from the fridge. You can hear its motor in the back of the diner, and the place where you are can be an air duct for both cold and hot air masses to meet. He is dressed in his diner uniform, holding a bag in front of your face. There’s a very disarming smile on his lips. Lips that you're so not staring. Shaking your head slightly, you smile up at him, flushing heavily. “Something could’ve fallen from the cupboard, so be careful, please? But it’s ama- great! Great to see you!”

His smile becomes less disarming, and a touch more genuine. His eyes are hypnotic to you, so you decide to stare at the diner bag. Maybe you should take some medicine for your heart, something is surely not right. But the shivers stop, replaced by a warmth you don’t quite understand. Weird.

Especially because Mal didn’t move a muscle.

“Something falling would be the least of this place's problems, wouldn’t it?”, you slightly narrow your eyes as his mysterious words, opening your mouth to say something, but he just continues. “Besides, having something falling for you wouldn’t be so bad.”

Oh! Oh… Ok. Remember. Night sky. Ocean Blue meteorites. Don’t stare too much. You have other things to see tonight… And he’s just being friendly, right? Right!

DON’T THINK ABOUT THE NOTE HE TUCKED IN YOUR BACK POCKET. I SAID DON’T!

Friends do that, right? Is it a normal thing?

And the way you felt about it… You weren’t expecting any kind of slap, it wouldn’t make sense. Who likes to get slapped?

Not that you liked his hand in… You know what? You’re not going there.

Is it a social cue? You know your lack of actual romantic relationships makes it harder to navigate these things… But Mal doesn’t see you that way… Not him, and not with you…

… You think.

The way he phrases things, though? Why does it slam you with so much strength? It confuses you a bit… He barely knows you, you don’t even know his full name yet.

Then why do you feel like you’re lying to yourself?

“I - I… Well, thanks for bringing me these. I told Clyde about the meteor shower tonight, would you like some photos? I wish you could see them first hand…”, you say, a dreaming look in your eyes fills Mal’s vision. Something passes through his expression as his jaw sets, your curious look isn’t answered, as per usual, so you just let a soft smile take place in our lips. Pushing is something you don’t enjoy when it’s done to you, so you won’t do it to him either.

“Mal, why don’t you take some hours off? Ms. De Armas may need some help carrying those bags!”, the line cook shouts from his spot at the cooktop. There’s a huge smile on his face as he points at the duffel bags resting on the table you’ve put them on, when you’ve arrived at the diner.

Again, Mal’s expression shifts. You were too busy listening to Clyde’s offer to notice. His jaw tenses and the customer service smile in his face dies. He looks at you, giving nothing away. Is he expecting your reaction? Is he angry at Clyde for offering? You know something always stops Mal from spending any time with you unless late in the night, but you don’t understand or know why. You want to ask, but you know you won’t receive an answer. You’re still pulling the puzzle pieces together. Maybe when you get the whole picture, it will make sense.

“Well, uhm, do you want to come? You don’t need to, I have… 22 minutes to get there. It’s around 15 km, so I can get there in time if I get a constant velocity o-... Oh, sorry. Again, you don’t need to go, I won’t be sad or anything, I always go alone on these. And I can bring photos!”, you stumble. You have to stop being too specific about things. Is something you got from Dr. Kuiper.

“What a server wants isn’t really ever questioned in our line of work, Charmer.”, Mal smoothly replies. You glance at him quickly, a trace of sadness in your face. You wish you could help him. He doesn’t seem happy with his role. Truth be told, behind all of that confidence, there’s a deep sorrow, for what you could detect. You won’t overextend here, you don’t want to burden him. As you did with Bee. What if you have to leave, and he expects you to come back, like Reese and James did. What if you put him in danger, as you did to Silas.

No. You won’t pile up your list of wrongdoings.

Giving him a soft look and smiling in a way that draws his eyes, you nod. The waiter rests his left hand in the cupboard above you, his knuckles turning white. You take a step forward with intention towards the exit, looking at your duffel bags after taking the drinks from his hand with the same delicateness that you would use to take care of your telescope. There’s a slight movement from him, as if he wanted to reach out, but you don’t linger in that. “I care about your wants, Mal. So you don’t need to do anything on my behalf. Tell me if you need anything, ok?”

“Lara…“, he speaks in a hushed voice, staring at the increasing separation of your personal spaces with a hard expression. His customer service smile isn’t coming up so easily at this moment, you wonder why. You collect your things and wave at Clyde, smiling. The line cook looks between you and your bags, giving a sad smile. You thought Mal would’ve already disappeared, but he stays there, holding the cupboard like it’s the only thing he can hold onto right now. You lift the diner bag in his direction and give him a smiling farewell.

Your steps are wide. Well, as wide as they can be, given your height. There’s somewhere to be, after all. Even if there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind wishing you were sharing this with someone. But you always did this alone, so why change now? Reese passes through your mind, and your heart beats a little faster at him sharing this with you. But is it him that you wanted to share this so badly?

No, you’ll do it alone, as it has been done for so many years. It brings you peace. Something needed right now.

The drive is free of any danger, as it always is with you in the wheel. Bags are unpacked with efficiency and speed, setting everything up is a matter of a few minutes. You’ve noticed this cliff surrounded by a bed of flowers and overlooking a lake some days prior, and knew this would be the perfect spot for your “Scintillans falls”. The trek was eventless and gave you some time to enjoy the nature around Fernweh. Even with everything awful that happened in this town, you can never deny how beautiful it is. It makes you wonder, if these things didn’t happen, this place would be a haven.

The night was unusually dark, even with a half moon illuminating the surroundings. You brought a small blue weak lantern and laid it within the towel beneath you. The wristwatch beeped again. It was time. Setting the camera and fixing the telescope, you began stargazing.

A soft wind blew around you as the stars fell down, painting the skies in a blue hue. The colors of the ocean on a sunny day brightened it, as if hundreds of bright blue fishes jumped down from a huge waterfall. It was mesmerizing.

How would this starlight frame Mal’s face?

No, uhuh, not going there.

Then your mind finds another thought that you shouldn’t linger… But it's there, anyway.

You wonder if your family is between them, traveling through the skies, watching over you with the love they always had. You miss them. More than you care to admit. It should’ve been me.

You hear a faint noise in the distance. Maybe a motorcycle? But your mind is too occupied right now to pay attention. There’s a lone tear lining your right cheek that you fail to notice.

Blinking against it, you start to take pictures.

It’s beautiful tonight.

#the fernweh saga #choice of games #ooc post #Mal Ro #This vile man breaks my heart everytime #I tell you #Aelsa knows what she's doing #I have a whole essay on Mal #I'm very sus

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