#rep almost got tainted for me bc i was on tumblr and it was this whole thing about You Need To Watch This Or You're Homophobic

[drewsaturday]

you'd think as someone who's knowingly been a lesbian for over 10 years i would've watched more than like, 4 lesbian movies by now, since there were more than a handful to choose from by that point and waaaaaaaaaaay more now.

and part of me thinks i should make it a new years resolution to watch more sapphic movies to experience the culture tm and feel those feelings.

but i also want to just go rewatch loving annabelle and call it a day.

#txt #like obviously representation was very important to me! and it still is! #but i think bc my baby gay journey began right when we started getting this explosion of rep... #rep almost got tainted for me bc i was on tumblr and it was this whole thing about You Need To Watch This Or You're Homophobic #or nitpicking everything slightly wrong with problematic representation etc and it became more of a chore #i appreciate representation i don't expect most i think. like k0rrasami happening? #instead of getting dragged into the show with the promise of rep it just... unfolded in something i was already interested in #i think representation has sorta unfolded in weird ways as well over the years since it's now profitable to queerbait and that #impacts how enjoyable/well written a thing is - see: why i love 90's subtext most bc of the authenticity of it #and i like to think maybe movies aren't as impacted by that when the focus is actually queer shit vs. shows needing to pull #people in for the long-term but idk. it's genuinely not something i've seen enough queer films to have a good idea of j;lksdkfj #i just want like. fun plots that happen to be gay and i think that desire kinda extinguishes the need to consume every piece #of queer media in existence even though i did very much have that pull at the start naturally #but of course. tumblr kinda ruined that for me at the time so now i'm 10 years in the future chilling surrounded by queer people #not having that sense of feeling alone and needing More #and i think it could be healing to check out those films (as Choice as they may be) but it's not a Need if that makes sense #ohhh and while i do get a hit of meaning from seeing any kind of lesbian rep bc the normalization etc #i just don't rly feel Seen in non age gap stuff? so that limits the amt of films that check all the boxes for me as opposed to #just being a 'normal' lesbian and most films automatically being a full course meal for u #so it almost feels like too much effort aj;lksldkjf #anyway. im grateful we're here now and we have so much i just have a complicated relationship with it all #and i wanna be able to just turn that off and try checking out lesbian films now that we do have so much #bc although i don't Need it necessarily it would be nice to actually explore now that i've ditched some of the toxic tumblr mindsets #(which also i now remember included being called problematic for watching the understandably problematic rep that came years before #which probs also explains why i stayed away so long from the old AND i was too poor/ill to go to theatres for the new) #so uhhh recs welcome? regardless of if there's age gaps or not lmao aj;klsdf #specifically for films not tv shows. ive fought that fight too long.