#she loves Clarke too fucking much to have June try to poison her against her

[lexa-griffins]

How did Lexa react when she found out about Clarke's dick

Okay okay so about this I have thoughts!

Because of the way June has such a view about men being inherently violent and given her trauma, Lexa was taught that their violent ways, especially their sexual violent ways, came from their dick.

Now, being a lesbian like her grandmother Lexa, both never thought she'd sleep with someone with a dick unless there was violence involved. She was sheltered and fed narratives from a deeply traumatized woman, and as much as she sometimes down right hates her grandmother, she knew there was some truth to her view from the life experiences of the women around her and her own father.

So I think Lexa is at first shocked, like a bucket of cold water was thrown on her. Almost like a fear of what being with a woman who she loves has a dick could mean for her - as if Clarke was to end up hurting her for the simple fact of her having a dick.

It's clear from her reaction to Clarke that Lexa might not want to do this with her anymore, and while the reason /why/ is clear, Clarke does try not to act like it affects her.

Their first time would be desperate and slow as well. When Clarke starts getting dressed and telling Lexa it's fine if she is having second thoughts, Lexa feels panicked at the thought of ruining things with Clarke. Not sex, but the idea that now that her and this amazing woman are finally developing their relationship, she is about to ruin it for a trauma that isn't even hers to carry.

Lexa pulls Clarke back to bed and kisses her, apologizing to her about her reaction. Maybe Clarke would have had a different attitude towards Lexa after her reaction if Lexa didn't look so damn honest and vulnerable and so in love with her. Because when Lexa apologizes she never once looks down, instead staring right into Clarke's eyes.

It is different from what Lexa was accustomed with Costia, but Clarke is gentle with her, reminsing her she does not have to do anything she doesn't want to, but Lexa has this burning need to be as close as possible to Clarke. And that kind of surpasses all the things she was told over and over again by her grandmother because even with their relationship just starting Lexa is most sure of something and that is that she loves this woman more than she ever did anyone and that she feels a safety with her she last feel in her mother's arms.

#letter opened #do i think june and the flowers are outright transphobic? no #but i dont think thornfield would be a place where a trans woman would feel fully safe tbh #and June would definitely be VERY untrusting of Clarke #but Lexa refuses to let her grandmother's trauma dictate her life #she loves Clarke too fucking much to have June try to poison her against her #even if at a distance #is thay makes sense #i have a lot of thoughts about June and how she'd handle a trans woman at thornfield #traumatized woman with a deep fear of men who all but seem to believe men are biologically made to be violent #surrounding herself with women with rhe same experiences as her #who raised her son always expecting him to show his true colors and when it did she felt like it was just confirmation of her thoughts #she couldn't even take her grandson in #thats why i love how June is portrait #because you see the way she acted with her son and you dont support her #even knowing how he turns out #she was a woman traumatized by men who surrounded herself with women traumatized by men #who has such a hatred towards men #im rambling