#should i put this in the main tag or not..... im very lukewarm on this LMFAO

[hirokiyuu]

i mentioned on the dys>sol/nomi i was gonna be posting more of my fic backlog on here and then Did Not Do That..... until now! have some dys>sol>cal. 'you sure write a lot of dys>sol where sol likes other people' yeah. yeah. i won't lie to you guys tho this run does eventually end w/dys/sol but. u kno. takes a bit :)

aaaaanyways please enjoy this Unrequited Teen Angst WWWWWWW set during early year 16!

is that the sun i see (or am i just being greedy); 700 words

Sol’s weirdly moody on the transport. Usually even if he’s quiet, he’ll be fiddling with his holopalm or listening to music or something, but today he’s in the very back, just staring out at the scenery, and when their eyes meet for half a second he doesn’t even smile. Sol always smiles when he sees Dys, which honestly used to kind of weird him out but these days… does not do that.

Still, as the team files out of the transport and breaks off into pairs, Dys keeps an eye on him instead of scouting ahead like normal -- which ends up being a good thing, because after about fives minutes out by themselves Sol suddenly lets out an enormous groan and slumps over, hunched in over himself. And Dys can’t feel fear but his heart’s pounding anyways as he runs over, careful to keep an eye on their surroundings as he leans over and says, urgently, “Sol, what --”

The moment his hand touches Sol’s back Sol jumps, enough to send himself falling back on his ass in the dirt, eyes wide with surprise like he hadn’t heard Dys sprinting towards him. “Dys?” he sputters, before glancing around. “I thought -- I mean, don’t you normally go on ahead…?”

He doesn't look hurt at all, though on closer inspection there’s bags under his eyes Dys’s never seen on his face before. “I mean,” says Dys, who can’t bring himself to say I was worried about you, “you were acting weird, so….”

“Oh,” says Sol, before managing a tiny grin up at him. “That’s… that’s really nice of you. Thanks.”

“Whatever.” Ugh. He can feel his stupid face going red. The worst part is that he can’t even leave, not with how Sol’s smile is still wobbling at the edges. “...Are you okay?”

“Oh, well, um… I mean, that’s….” The smile slides off Sol’s face piece by piece, until he gives up on it all at once and sighs miserably, pulling his knees in close until he’s curled up on himself in the dirt. “No.”

Dys… can’t even pretend to be surprised. Slowly he sits down next to Sol, watching as Sol leans forward to rest his chin on his arms, for once not even fidgeting. “...It’s stupid,” says Sol, finally. “It’s really stupid, and you’re gonna think it’s stupid too. But… if I tell you… can you pretend you don’t think it is? Just for like, ten minutes.”

This already sounds like it’s going to suck. “...Okay. I won’t… say anything, I guess.”

“Thanks.”

The moment drags out. Dys picks a little at a hangnail, waiting. Finally, Sol sighs again, and doesn’t quite look at Dys as he says, “Cal and Tammy are dating.”

“...Oh.”

“He told me on my birthday.” Sol tilts even further forward, until his face is buried in his arms, and with a muffled voice says, “Like, he knocked on the door and she was there and he had his hand on her back. And she’d made me a cake, which was like, nice or whatever, but it was so unbearable just seeing them together and I just -- I just had to sit there and pretend I was happy for them….

“Apparently she asked him out during Glow? Like, after the attack? And I saw them together in the lounge but I didn’t even realize….” There is, horrifyingly, a sniffing noise. “Stupid… stupid Fennec Face. She’s not… she’s not even that cute, and she’s afraid of everything, and I… I….”

Another sniff. Dys is probably the person least equipped to deal with this in the entire colony, not in the least because he heard Cal was dating someone else and his first reaction was gratitude. “...Sorry,” he offers up, finally. “That… that sucks.”

“Yeah,” says Sol, as he burrows deeper into his arms. “I… I just… I really like him. Y’know?”

Quietly, Dys answers, “I know.”

In response Sol just lets out this big shuddering sigh, somehow burrowing even deeper. “Sorry,” he says. “I know it’s stupid. I… Sorry.”

Dys can’t think of anything to say to that, can’t think of a single thing that might make Sol feel a little better. Instead of trying anyways he just sits there like an idiot, keeping half an eye on the planet around them to make sure they don’t get eaten by anything, and next to him Sol doesn’t move for a long, long time.

#i like pining dys can u tell. can u tell #i also like Physical Skills Only Head Empty sol LMFAO #also ill be honest with u guys #the only reason i am posting this one is bc i have a High Comedy sequel but it does require this one being posted first #bracelet scene :) with this sol :) is so funny #guy who has zero reasoning whatsoever #oh side note for ppl who read my shit. this is the same sol that would propose to dys later on in life #guy who is a stupid romantic #anyways. they are stupid. #should i put this in the main tag or not..... im very lukewarm on this LMFAO #again. this is only here bc its Necessary Context for the other hting i Want to post #ehhhh might as well i guess. shrugs. #i was a teenage exocolonist #how do you writing #oh title is from 2023 by blue rain boots #chorus is 'is that the sun i see or am i just bein greedy / gonna fix myself so i'm not so fuckin needy' and lie #the guys voice is soooo nice i love the way he sings it wwwww its good vibes #OK THATS A LOT OF TAGS. as long as the ficlet itself. #anyways. feast my children.

[sheep-sorbet]

crawling out of the woodwork, covered in dust hewwo

sorry to anyone who has wondered where i've been, if that's been anyone at all

i fell out of making art for kingdom hearts, and i was tempted to make this huge post with receipts to explain why, but instead i think it will be easier to just say this: fandom zines suck, and a mod that ran the ienzo/zexion zine i was in harassed me into basically just giving up and not making any art of him or posting about him.

the experience i had in that zine was bad enough that i had to make this decision: from now on, i will not participate in fandom zines run by other people. i love making and helping with zines so this really upsets me, and i hope to get back into the zine scene soon. maybe self-published is the way to go for me, im not sure. i am not even sure i can return to the zine scene at all because the deadline stress is too much for me, personally.

i've also become hesitant to participate in fandom events at all anymore. the exception has been the TWEWY secret santa that's happened the last 2 decembers, and that's because i am comfortable enough with the mod and people involved that i know im not going to be like. Harassed. lol

i lost my drive to create KH stuff at all because interacting with it, and especially making stuff about ienzo, who is my favorite, would have opened me up to furthered harassment, and i just didn't want to deal with it. due to the nature of working on the zine and being sent a copy of it, it's very possible the person who harassed me could make a lot of trouble for me if i say anything at all, which is why i just Haven't until now. they have my name and previous address, which i gave to them before the harassment started. i was required to give it to them to be compensated even slightly for my work. so this being potentially used against me, for what amounts to expressing my own opinions on my own blog, made me hesitant to say anything or involve myself further in the fandom.

all i did was say the very normal and lukewarm opinion of "it makes me uncomfortable when people want to see someone fuck their adoptive parent figures, and i don't want people like that following me", and said mod ended up DMing me to chastise me about it. im not going to name that mod or share the screenshots openly, because that would be taken by them as 'harassment', ironically, and i just would like to move on.

that, combined with a lot of things going on IRL, has made posting difficult for me. tbh, i've barely drawn anything since june of last year. Thank u to everyone who has still enjoyed my art that is already up, and to all the other ienzo/zexion enjoyers who like my art and are understanding. i miss kh and i hope i'll find the drive to be into it again soon. until then, the main things i've been into lately have been (N)TWEWY, omori, and hunter x hunter, so you might see stuff about that if and when i ever get my shit set back up.

i debated just not posting this and acting like it didn't happen. but not saying anything at all would be dishonest, and more importantly, i think people should be aware of the fact that fandom zines are not always a fun experience, and can actually be very stressful and exhausting for very little reward. i want to caution people before joining fandom events to vet the people running it a little bit if possible. you can't control who gets accepted to the zine, but you can control the people whose zines you sign up for. and if it sucks hit the bricks, which i did not do and should have lol

sometimes, you join a zine and put a lot of love and work into it, all you get out of it is being overworked and harassed. and then not all the finished pieces you made for the zine even ends up in it 🙃 did i mention you have to pay to get copies of the merch you yourself designed?

for the sake of my own sanity and to avoid certain people's ire im not gonna tag this in the main tags, and im also going to turn reblogs off. this is just an informational post about where i've been, what's been happening with me, and why it's hard for me to make stuff about ienzo right now. please just take it as such and don't be mean to anyone, regardless of what happened. if anyone is really burning for details i might be open to answering in DMs, but more than anything, i just want to get this out of my system (˚ ; - ; )👍

i hope i can go back to being the "funny ienzo guy" soon. until then i will continue to be the "funny emo boys in general" guy

#sheep speak #i would like to avoid shipping discourse also on this post #because frankly a lot of it boils down to everyone involved using victims of abuse as fandom wank and that's unacceptable to me #i will not call myself either prosh-p or ant/i because neither word describes my stance #of 'you can not separate art from politics and you must consider the harm of your work #and you also need to learn the difference between things that are wrong and things that make you uncomfortable because they are not 1:1' #aka you need to understand nuance as well as consider other people when you say and do things #and think about what kind of behavior and actions your art endorses