#sighhhh sometimes it feels like... oh why bother making friends when. this is all such a temporary thing.

[birdmenmanga]

hope everybody can understand!! feeling that immense loneliness despite the closeness tonight!!

#just thinking thoughts... #I don't know. #there's so much love but it's so lonely out there. #I can't express myself properly in chinese... #I worry that I'm a burden on everyone. #That they have to explain everything to me because my vocabulary isn't good.... #that the motorcycle guy has to take me home every night... #surely he must not want to be tied down to me. it's got to be a pain. #I don't know. I think I'm rejecting everyone's kindness because I feel bad. #I was offered a jacket when I left with him at 3 AM. #but I felt like I couldn't take it you know. I didn't feel clean enough. and I didn't feel close enough to her. #but maybe it was rude of me not to take it. #I tell myself that I love taking people home and such. but it's soooo hard for me to believe that other people might also feel that way #I think I'm going to have to get him flowers next week. the guilt is killing me #like legitimately. it's killing me. I'm sorry about me. are we friends? are we even friends yet? #even if we are I don't think he likes me enough to really be enjoying it. I don't know. #I asked him if it was okay to message him even if there wasn't anything. and he said it was fine. but it's not like he could have said no. #sorry for cornering you. I didn't think about it. #sighhhh sometimes it feels like... oh why bother making friends when. this is all such a temporary thing. #when I'm going to be gone in a year. #but I'm going to die like this. I need someone to hold my hand. I need someone to give me a hug. I'm going to cry like this.