#slaughtyr: van.

[ladyintree]

@slaughtyr sent [forehead]:  'placing a hand on the back of the receiver’s neck, the sender guides them close and rests their foreheads together.'

it's not fair to van for her to show up like this --- unannounced, impulsively, so many years after they'd seen each other last. worse, maybe, that tai didn't come here for her; she came here for herself, because everything feels so wrong, so out of her control, and there was only one person who could ever understand it before ( one person who had seen this other side of herself that was still, 25 years later, such a mystery to her, yet perhaps a friend to van. ) it's selfish, expecting van to drop everything to make space for her after all the time and all they've been through, but taissa couldn't be anywhere else. and despite everything, despite knowing it's wrong to feel this way, there's a sense of comfort between them that she hasn't found since she saw her last.

like feeling at peace, for the first time in a long time, despite knowing it can't possibly last. at least she can pretend for a moment.

so unwilling to admit to anyone how terrified she's been of the person she's become, the stress of the campaign bringing her back to a place she swore she'd done away with long, she was at a loss. her son taken from her, her wife hurt by her, all she really had now was the career she'd work so hard for --- but was it the win she thought it was if everything else was falling apart, along with the perception of herself she'd so carefully crafted? van was always a source of peace and clarity for her --- a source that tai no longer deserved nor was allowed, and yet here she is, unleashing all the truths she'd refused to admit even to herself until she got here.

how did she do that? van still knew exactly how to calm her down, a reminder of what tai lost ( what she knows she deserved to lose; van was always too good for her. ) she finally gives her what she wants, what van had always asked of her back then, but tai was always too stubborn to ask for herself: the truth. ❝ i need some fucking help, van. i can't keep doin' this shit. ❞   it's not the real help that simone has been begging her to get for weeks, though --- that kind of help still feels impossible, a loss of total control when she completely admits defeat. but this kind of help is what she's used to, what she's been missing, what she convinced herself long ago was all she needed. ❝ okay? okay, you're right, that's what i came here for. i need your help. ❞

#slaughtyr #slaughtyr: van. #arc: adult. #replies. #me hoarding this meme until i could get to their adult meeting - #was thinking perhaps this is right after the big blow up and she cried in her arms. i love pain

[doomdays]

it's been days, but akilah's hands still tremble from stitching. five years ago, it was her in that position, watching as her girl scout troop leader did the emergency stitching on her own arm after a hiking excursion gone wrong -- but she was experienced, had the proper resources, and was steady. she can't get van's screams out of her head now, thoughts blurried so much that she's convinced herself she did a bad job ( better you than misty, mari had said, but that doesn't wash away akilah's fears, doesn't make the ringing stop quiet or the shaking stop. )

van seems to have kept to herself, while the rest of the cabin is more somber than ever at their failure to find an exit, but her mind only bounces between van and the wolves, refusing to think too far ahead -- optimism hasn't done them much good as is. as akilah moves closer, she wonders if @slaughtyr would prefer to be alone; she knows if it were her in that position, she would, but leaving it alone doesn't feel right. she's too uneasy, needs some kind of confirmation that van is still okay --- the wolves didn't win, but the wilderness might have.

❝  hi. ❞ her voice is quiet, like she's afraid to take up too much space. ' are you okay ' comes to mind first, but there's no way any of them are okay right now, especially after any last bit of hope had diminished. ❝  i brought you some water. ❞ she sets it next to her, and it feels like some excuse, so she urges herself to go on. ❝  i just wanted to check on you. you don't have to tell me how you are, okay, i know, what a stupid question anyway, but --- i just wanted to say, if you need any help, can you just let me know? i know i kind of had to, like, make everything worse before it got better, but i'm here. if you need me. ❞ she's desperate to find something light to cheer her up, the way van always does to everyone else, and she remembers mari's words. ❝  you know, better me than misty, ❞ she says, forcing a small smile.   

#slaughtyr #slaughtyr: van. #thread: akilah. #half my akilah brain is just thinking about her stitching her up so <3 #lmk if this doesn't work! #queue.

[misquigleya]

some meme i lost, oops.

@slaughtyr (van) asked: “Still kinda creepy up here.”

                          A small nod was given as she looked around the loft. They had cleaned it up, got rid of the spiderwebs, and relocated the former owner. At least that's who they assumed the skeleton was; if he wasn't the former owner then that just created even more questions. Moving over to where the rocking chair was, Misty moved to inspect the floor, frown settling into place.

"Van...have you seen this symbol before?" she asked, looking over her shoulder towards the redhead. It was etched into the floor where the dead man's feet would have been. Straightening up, the blonde moved to look at the window, noting how dirty it was. "Should we open the window? Air this place out a bit more?"

#slaughtyr #( v; just a girl guess i'm some kind of freak | canon: young ) #( new chapter in the story | threads ) #( sometimes the void queues back | queued post )