#so he gets to smile his big shit-eating grin as the chief steward slams down the banhammer while he's standing smugly to the side

[queenlua]

i hate when i realize i am in fact the best-qualified person to write the stupid lil fanfic that i want to read

#ok but picture this. #ace attorney. kentucky derby 2019. #kristoph owns Maximum Security and is trying to smugly cash in his bet #but turns out Phoenix's *other* side hustle was Becoming A Horse Racing Steward #so he gets to smile his big shit-eating grin as the chief steward slams down the banhammer while he's standing smugly to the side #also Trucy bet it all on Country House and that's what's paying her college tuition someday babey #god this is so stupid but also i would get to decide everyone's Derby Day hats. which is the opposite of stupid it's GREAT #...tbh i think Oldbags could do one hell of a glow-up on Derby Day #suddenly morphs into one of those majestic intimidating southern matriarchs Faulkner warned about #as soon as she's got her feathered cap and feather boa on #hi i have wasted my whole evening watching old horse races how are y'all