#so i have no freaking idea why i'm dreaming about 'my ex-husband keanu reeves' and i still having lingering feelings

[silasbug]

dream log Nr. 018

10/09/2022

Type: the WTF did i just dream kind, cohesive | Flow: so, so smooth | Amount: 1 (feels like 2)

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in which Timothee Chalamet has a birthday party in my living room as my house floods from a broken washing machine.

in which i am divorced from Keanu Reeves and we have a young son who (in the real world) was actually my best friend until i was 7 y.o.. also we are "golden" vampires? don't ask me what i was on while i slept, i have no idea.

this dream was so oddly cohesive and comprehensive.

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(#1). i enter the store downstairs from where i live. i am there looking to buy ice-cream as the weather outside was incredibly hot. already as i'm traversing the cold-section, i'm overheating, it's hard to pull myself together. i eventually find a single packaged ice-cream in one of the freezers and start eating it- i'll pay for it when i leave, i think.

i continue searching for the box of ice-cream that i came to get, but the store had apparently rearranged a lot so i'm having trouble finding the vegan ice-cream underneath everything else. when i eventually find it, i'm struggling to choose between the regular one and the one with almond. i am surprised that they are now sold as two separate kinds, since before it had always been a variety pack with two of each (it's the store-brand vegan ice-cream). i settle on the almond one. i start eating another one, already overheating again, and tuck the one i had previously eaten away, no longer intending to pay for it (nobody would be the wiser, right? the store was packed.)

as i'm heading towards the middle corridor of the store, there's Timothee Chalamet (for some reason?? i've never actually seen anything with him in it, i just know him as the dune guy.. which i still intend to watch, but i don't really know him as an actor). he's standing around one of the freezers with what seems to be a group of friends. they are buying snacks for his birthday party.

we smile at each other- i don't remember if we interacted at this point but i have the distinct feeling that we got along well. he also had a girlfriend, but she was off to the side, seemed off in general (as if she hates his guts and they actually didn't get along at all?)

since we got along well, he seemed to want to talk to me more (like a, let's hang out/talk some more sometime type deal), but i brushed him off (finding it a little weird that a stranger is talking to me and showing personal interest, esp. because i did recognize him as a popular actor in the dream) and told him to enjoy his birthday party with his friends. i leave.

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when i get back home, it is suddenly late at night (even though the store is.. right outside our house). Timothee is having his birthday party in my living room for some reason (??????). the door is open just a sliver, i can see light from the TV, hear laughter, sometimes people walk through the hallway to the kitchen to refill their drink and such. i am invited to join them, but i gently refuse, feeling a bit awkward about dropping into the birthday party of someone i don't know well (despite it being in my living room, lmao). he seems a little disappointed, but we settle on hanging out some other time.

once i am left along in the hallway, i notice that the washing machine is on. i must have turned it on to wash some clothes. i turn to look at it and suddenly it begins leaking. the floor starts flooding from underneath the washing machine, more and more water pouring out onto the floor of the hallway, the water level rising. i quickly run to it and desperately try to turn it off and drain it.

i start trying to mop the floor as the water is still flowing, yelling at SO to please get me the mop-bucket so i could drain the water. they get me the wrong bucket, i ask them to please get me the right bucket (i needed the one that i can drain the mop with). they shrug, refuse, and head into the bedroom. they just flop down onto their tummy on the bed and start playing on their phone while i am left in the hallway, water up to my ankles.

i get the mop bucket, making futile attempts at mopping up water from the floor. by this point, the water had at the very least stopped flowing & i was just left with cleaning it up.

i become so frustrated that i start crying and shaking, going off on them, saying that it would be nice if they actually helped me instead of leaving me to do it all by myself.

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i don't remember the transition, but it definitely felt like the same dream continuum. maybe once i stopped cleaning i looked up, and the house was suddenly much larger? i don`t remember. the vibe was the same, the time of day felt the same.

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(#2). i look up and suddenly, the house i am in is much larger. i am no longer just in our hallway, but a large hall. everything has a faintly golden glow, almost like the Hall of Judgement in Undertale.

everyone else is gone, but i distinctly know that i have a son called Matthias (this is someone i was best, or very good friends with until i was 7 (we moved), in the dream he is still that little boy) and that my Ex-Husband (so the father) is Keanu Reeves.

my son lives with Keanu as i had given him full custody. i don't remember why- i have no recollection from before this moment besides the bare facts of who they are and what our relationship is. i was visiting them in their home to celebrate a holiday with them & because i hadn't seen my son in a while.

Keanu has a new wife (so my son's step-mother) whom i didn't like, she also had a daughter (so step-sister). they both seemed very stand-off-ish, i tried to avoid them as much as i could. i was here for my son, after all. despite this, Keanu and i seem to still have a good relationship- we actually get along really well, it was awkwardly loving and i couldn't tell you why we were divorced. it was just a fact.

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i take Matthias to go out for some quality time, we end up going into the city, to the square. before we get there, we stop at a Kisok to grab some drinks, and i end up with three bottles in my hand, one of which is a large coke zero for him (nice product placement there, brain).

in the middle of the square where we end up is a fountain, he leaves his coke standing close to it. i go to sit in some shade a little ways off while he occupies himself with things, running around, playing. it was almost as if i expected him to entertain himself and i wasn't sure why. it seemed counter-intuitive to spending quality time, but it felt like i didn't want to impose or insert myself.

as i'm sitting in the shade to avoid the heat from the sun, two ladies walk along towards the fountain and find his drink standing there. it's almost still full and they seem to contemplate taking it with them. before they do so, i loudly interrupt and take it, telling them that it belongs to my son. i have the bottle cap in my hand and it takes me a solid minute to put the cap back on the damn bottle.

i call Matthias over and ask him if he's ready to head back, he nods. i take his hand and we start walking. as we are walking, the environment changes from "old buildings creating an almost-cage around a large, bare square with a fountain" to "a grassy path in between two large, green fields". it smelled very grassy, the son was bright and white. the vegetation on the fields reached up to my waist, making for an almost-corridor that we were walking through. you couldn't see anything but the green fields for miles.

as we are walking, i ask my son if he had a good time. he shakes his head and says no, he would've rather played with me more than on his own. i felt really bad about this, but i already knew that this was what he was going to say- this had been exactly what i was worrying about. it was almost as if i had hoped for him to lie to spare my feelings. i was glad that he didn't.

i apologize to Matthias, telling him that i wanted to play with him more but that it's difficult for me in this heat. i was feeling all kinds of weak because the sun was beating down on us on this path. i had my hand raised over my eyes so that i could see our surroundings, but.. the world was smouldering, the outlines of anything corporeal swimming around in my vision. i felt absolutely miserable and over-heated (i am light and heat sensitive, that's not a lie, and i clearly was in my dream as well). it still felt like an excuse.

i ask him to forgive me and promise him that next time i would try to play with him more. he nods. we continue walking through the fields, hand in hand.

i eventually ask him if he likes his new family and his mood shifts. he shaked his head. it takes a bit of prodding before my son tells me what's wrong, but he starts explaining that he doesn't like his step-mother- she treated him like an outsider, and that his step-sister was incredibly spoiled, got everything she wanted and generally received preferential treatment. he also went on to tell me that, when they visited his step-mother's family, that the rest of her family would treat him awfully. he hated visiting them and didn't want to have to go there anymore.

i am seething on the inside as he tells me this. i carefully ask him if it would be alright with him for me to address this with his dad (so, Keanu). i could just go off on Keanu on my own, of course (and i probably would have talked to him in some capacity no matter whether Matthias agreed or not), but i wanted my son to feel like he had a voice in the matter, because i felt that he might be scared that his father would be mad at him. i didn't want him to feel blindsided by his own mother or that he had to bathe in the consequences of my actions. i wanted to be reassuring.

after some reassurances that his father would be okay, that i would not let anyone hurt him and that he wouldn't have to meet his step-mother's family again unless absolutely necessary, he says yes.

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when we get home, we are in the entrance hall which looks suspiciously like the entrance hall of my childhood home. i ask him if he's ready- he says yes, but thinks that i mean "to go out again", he starts putting his shoes back on. i explain that i meant "ready for me to talk to your dad and for you to go upstairs while i do it". i wanted him upstairs just in case, i didn't expect things to get ugly. just in case.

my son isn't happy about it, but he agrees and heads upstairs to his room (which, in my childhood home, was actually an entire other apartment). i go through the door and try to find Keanu in the kitchen. as i walk to the kitchen door (which is a sliding door, it's slid open just a crack), i see his wife inside instead. i step back and leave before she can see me (it was apparently nightfall again, as i had the distinct feeling that she was getting a "midnight snack"). i walk around the house until i find Keanu.

when i find Keanu in another room just outside of the kitchen, i hear my son call for a cat from somewhere behind me (even though he was supposed to be upstairs- he wanted to take the cat with him). i think he called for "Bubbles" or "Whiskers", they had multiple cats. the cat scurries out of the kitchen to go find Matthias.

as i am asking my Ex-Husband to talk about our son, said son comes up behind him. once i notice him behind me, i frown- i didn't want to have this conversation in his presence. just in case Keanu and i start fighting.

again, it seemed highly unlikely, because for some reason it felt as though Keanu and i were still on really good terms. like, oddly so. and again, it wasn't sure why we were even divorced beause it felt as though there were lingering feelings. two people who didn't want to separate being separated. having moved on almost-unwillingly. for the better of something or someone.

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instead of starting the conversation, because my son had snuck up, i instead ask if we still needed anything else for the holiday celebration. he tells me that we could still use some ice-cream and asks if i would mind going downstairs to get it.

i grab Matthias and we head into the same store where i met Timothee (so, just outside) to buy the ice-cream. the entire section is rearranged again and i end up just buying one of every flavor.

once we return home and put the ice-cream away, i seek out Keanu again and we end up talking. i tell him that i don't want our son around his new wife's family ever again if he's just going to let them mistreat Matthias. he needed to either step-up and advocate for his son or he needed to leave him with me when they went for visits.

somehow the conversation turns to us being "Golden Vampires" (?!?!?!?). suddenly, we actually are vampires. the world is still drenched in that golden glow from the very beginning of this part of the dream, and i suddenly understand- as if my memory had been unlocked.

honey drips down my fangs and pools in my mouth, sliding down my chin, as if it were golden saliva.

Keanu mentions that our son still doesn't know, that he thought it'd be best if he didn't ever find out so that he could live a normal life.

Matthias walks in on our conversation right as Keanu tells me all of this and firmly declares that he also wants to become a golden vampire, to be like his parents.

his father looks horrified.

i wake up as the honey continues to drip.

#dream log #fucking yikes #guys i am not into celebrities- like at all #so i have no freaking idea why i'm dreaming about 'my ex-husband keanu reeves' and i still having lingering feelings #it's so goddamn funny to me #i tried telling SO about this dream and i was laughing so hard i started crying because it was so ridiculous #i actually woke up early from this one