#so it looks like i'm incapable of making you small starters

[glomofnit]

Hey! I really want to get into Discworld because I love seeing you post about it- can I please get a rec of maybe the first three books I should read? I've heard that most fans have a preferred order lol

Omg, you have no idea how excited I got when I saw this ask, I'm so glad my love for this series is proving infectious! Unfortunately by asking this of me you have in fact activated my trap card, so please buckle in because I'm incapable of being normal about this topic.

Alright so in terms of where to go next, there are these sort of thematic arcs throughout the series that are like threads you can follow, each with their own starting point. Obligatory flowchart incoming:

I won't go into them all in detail, but I can give you a few key recs and then you can pick and choose your reading order from there based on what interests you.

So first of all we've got Small Gods, which is one of the more popular starter recs, and for good reason. It's more or less a stand-alone so it's a good way to dip your toe in and get a feel for the series as a whole, which is slightly less relevant here since I know you've already read The Colour of Magic, but it's still quite good and worth mentioning up front. It's about the god Om who goes to manifest himself in the world to address his latest prophet, but winds up stuck in the form of a small tortoise because despite having this huge religious institution in his name, it turns out this prophet is his only remaining true believer. Said prophet then gets swept up in some political intrigue, all the while being yelled at by an irate tortoise whose voice only he can hear. It's a good indicator of the style of comedy and general vibe of the rest of the series, and it's where I started reading so it's got a special place in my heart.

I also recommend Monstrous Regiment, which is one of my all-time favourites. It's about a girl who dresses up as a boy to enlist in the army so that she can find her brother, and ends up part of this sort of ragtag underdog regiment. It's surprisingly queer, although no specific labels get used so a lot of the characters just have a sort of nebulously not cis/not straight vibe, but there is an actual canon wlw relationship, and at least one character who based on the text I would argue is a trans man even if those exact words are never used. A lot of the Gender™ in this book really resonated with teen Rowan for reasons that wouldn't become clear until several years later lol. By modern standards of representation it does stumble a little bit, but you can tell the overall intentions were good and it still feels very queer-positive. It's also just a fun read, all the characters are really endearing, there's a vampire who has sworn off blood and is instead obsessed with coffee and I love them with my whole entire heart.

My other biggest rec is Going Postal, which is another of my all-time favourites and where the reference in my url comes from. It's about a conman who's been caught and is about to be executed, but instead gets put in charge of the city's failing postal service. It's another really fun read, and it's got two direct sequels (Making Money and Raising Steam) wherein said conman gets put in charge of other public service institutions as a form of enrichment to keep him out of trouble.

This is already long so I'll just quickly cover the other main arcs. The Watch books are all extremely good, probably my favourite arc overall, they've got more of a police procedural crime mystery vibe so if you're into that Guards! Guards! is the starting point for those. If you're interested in the witches I'd recommend skipping Equal Rites and starting with Wyrd Sisters, it's a parody of Macbeth and it's very good. The other two Industrial Revolution books are stand alones that can be read whenever; Moving Pictures is a parody of the golden age of Hollywood, and The Truth is about the invention of the printing press and the Disc's first investigative journalist looking into a conspiracy to frame the patrician for murder. The Death novels are good but not the best starting point imo, worth coming back for at some point though, and parts of Night Watch make more sense if you've read Thief of Time first but it's not required. Rincewind is also worth revisiting eventually, he is one of my favourite characters, but maybe wait until you're already hooked before going back for The Light Fantastic and the rest of his books.

Ok, that's it, I'm cutting myself off here lol. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to infodump, I hope at least something in here is helpful! Please keep me post on what you end up reading next!

#don't worry about the readmore there's a totally normal number of words behind it #tumblr tried to censor me by eating half of this post when I was drafting it the first time #however this is a topic I had already made a 14 slide powerpoint about for a presentation party a few months ago so I cannot be restrained #frederbee

[eliaria28]

BLIND DATE Cruella/reader

A series of one-shots per day, THIS IS NOT A LINEAR STORY, IT CONTINUES TIME JUMPS AND DIFFERENT SITUATIONS.

For all Cruella lovers like me.

It doesn't follow the linear story of the movie, I try to be as faithful to the character as possible but I welcome your constructive criticism.

I hope for recommendations of fics like this because I really need to satiate my crush with fics of her.

my ao3 user is Ari_28laufeyson let me know if you like it, thanks.

English is not my first language, I am sorry for any translation error.

BLIND DATE

I was nervous too nervous I would say, it is the first time I take a blind date.... Maybe it wasn't a good idea to listen to Artie in the first place, I knew he was up to something which I haven't figured out yet and I don't have time to think about it anymore, just to act.

----------------------------

- T/N, honey you should consider it, not for nothing, but you could use some social interaction, I'm not asking you to confirm a relationship the same day you meet him or her, since it's blind, if you don't find the person attractive or not interested you can leave, and I assure you that I'll never mention it again, but meanwhile do this for you... and a little bit for me- I mention with a little laugh while I sketch a mischievous smile.

-I don't know Artie, for starters, you know my attraction is to women, I don't want to deal with men and I don't know exactly who I'm going to see.

-Calm down, look, I won't be able to be with you, but I assure you that it can't be that bad, if you don't like who sits in front of you, you can leave", he pauses for a long pause thinking.

-I'm worried about the confidence with which you are talking to me about this.

-I would never risk you to something bad, I would be incapable and you know it, let's think about it for a moment.

I make a long pause to think, I'm afraid it won't work, what I'm looking for is without labels, something confusing for these times... the 70's I must be careful with whom I meet, although I don't consider myself a "lesbian" person precisely, my attraction to girls can bring me problems because of conservative thoughts, fortunately a small part of the united kingdom is evolving its thinking. Another point to consider, is that really as the name says it's blind, I don't know the name or the sex, I guess that makes it more exciting, although it gives more nerves.... Damn you Artie and damn the newspaper where you got the number of the place that organizes this kind of thing.

-Okay I'll do it, but I warn you, this is the last time you convince me to do this- I let out an all too noticeable sound of disgust- I guess you've beaten me, I respect that.

-Relax, I'm sure it will be fine," he blurted out, "now another matter to attend to my dear T/N, how are you planning to dress?

-Normal, do you want to manage my outfit too?

-Thank you for the invitation, I'll gladly accept it, I want you to be perfect, to attract attention and to be particularly seductive", he smiles a mischievous and contagious smile.

-Well, what do you have in mind Artie?" I seductively mention her name and play along.

- I've got it covered, I'll bring it to you Saturday night.

----------------------------

I hear the doorbell ring and I know I have to get ready now, fresh out of the shower, I head to open the door for my soul mate.

- Ready T/N? - she says with a particular excitement.

- Sure, I won't lie that your excitement is contagious- as I smile at her with a bit of nervousness.

----------------------------

-You look perfect my dear, not to brag I know you are beautiful you shine on your own, but... you shine in a particular way today- she says while looking at me through the full length mirror.

-Thank you Artie, after all this isn't so bad, I've had fun so far," I laughed a sincere laugh.

-Well my dear, you look spectacular, I knew I made a good choice of outfit," smiling proudly.

Thanks to that comment I concentrate in observing myself, a nice leatherette skirt and a white t-shirt with a leather jacket and my respective high boots, my long hair down my back giving it volume, wow... I've dressed like this before only this occasion is particular... I like it; I smile to myself while I look at myself through the mirror and then I hug Artie as a thank you.

I walk into one of the most elegant coffee shops in the city... a quiet place, which is almost always the other way around because of the amount of people that usually are in these places, I laugh to my inner self to simulate my inner anxiety.

-Excuse me," I call the waitress next to me who quickly looks at me.

-Yes, tell me.

-Could you direct me to table 13 please.

-Of course, follow me.

Every step I take makes me uneasy, going up the steps I notice that the second floor is empty, that reduces the chances of finding the wrong person, I lower my head for a moment just guided by the steps of the waitress in front of me, when I finally get the courage to raise my eyes I find that the table in front of me is a person with two-colored hair... Damn it.

Artie I'm going to kill you... I say under my breath as I approach with more trepidation than I had before.

The waitress signals me to take a seat and leaves us alone in the room making as little noise as possible, while I get up the courage to do it... she hasn't seen me yet that I'm behind her back... I'm not even aware that I'm behind her back.

First time we crossed glances... my knees are shaking... god.

-Hi, I can't believe I'm doing this by speaking to her.

-Hello dear, go ahead and sit down.

Without a second thought I do, not wanting to look rushed, I don't know if I dare my eyes her mere presence radiates elegance and imposes, and..... strangely I find that highly attractive.

- Would you ladies like to order?

-Just one espresso," she mentions and finally waits for my answer.

-Oh umm, a cappuccino with an apple strudel please- after my answer the waiter withdrew with a suffocating silence. I certainly don't know how to make a conversation, much less with her.

-What's your name my dear, I'm intrigued to know," she says with a smile, hell, does this woman always act seductive?

-T/N, T/N Halper and I guess there's no need to talk about yours, everyone's talking about you, cruella. - she smiled softly

-T/N, dear, tell me why you are here with me right now on this brilliant evening.

-I was persuaded to take a blind date, I certainly didn't expect to run into the woman everyone is talking about.

And it's true since I heard about her, in the newspapers, television and what they were talking about, being overnight the trend, it caught my attention but I avoided talking about it, I didn't want to think about it so much, once or twice I only mentioned Artie since he told me everything he did, they are close friends working hand in hand but I never thought he would do this to me, everything was coldly calculated for this reason I wanted her to be perfect? Does he see me as a possible candidate for a relationship with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life? - I can't be I'm feeling the heat rising in my face I had not admitted it until now.

- Did I say something wrong precious?

God save me I'm burning up inside.

-Hey, no, no, no, of course not, sorry, I got distracted for a moment," I let out a nervous laugh and cleared my throat a little.

-Well, tell me about yourself.

I can see the interest in her eyes, which are so hypnotizing, I could watch them all day long.

-Emm well, I work as a photographer, I'm passionate about experimenting with it, playing with colors and aesthetics, it's purely artistic what I'm passionate about and I fall in love with what I do if I can show off, I usually do exhibitions or do experimental photo shoots more if their style is similar to mine, so they don't put restrictions on me.

-I would love to see your work my dear.

-Sure one day you can come to my studio, although I guess the great designer's schedule must be busy.

-No problem dear, I accept your invitation.

I just notice her smiling a little smile, for God's sake don't blush.

Our order arrives and oh no the coffee is delicious, but... I'm more focused on her I can't help but see her, I'll go slower I want to make this moment longer and part of it I enjoy, it's just as delicious this moment as the coffee?

- are you a coffee connoisseur dear?

Not really, I just enjoy it. I can't help but look into her eyes without being self-conscious.

-I won't lie to you I prefer tea much more, I love jasmine tea.

I can notice a bit of nostalgia in the last sentence, I prefer to ignore that before turning this into an awkward moment.

-However, there are days when I feel like I need a little of this caffeine to feel a little bold, that's when I feel the most creative.

-I understand, it's the chocolate that activates me- I let out a small laugh with more confidence.

Apparently she liked my comment, she laughed inside with a big smile on the corners of her lips. The rest of the date was unimportant conversations like tastes, hobbies, nothing went deeper, at the end of the day this date only helps to make an impression, if she likes my company surely we could go out again. After finishing what we ordered I felt it was time to end the date.

-Waiter the check please.

-Don't worry T/N it's already taken care of we can go out now.

- What, you paid the bill for me? I can't have that cruella.

-Be calm, it's not a problem for me, let it go my dear- I reluctantly accept it, although very sorry, once outside the place I hear her voice quickly catching my attention.

-It's already very late dear, do you think I'm going to leave you where you live?

-No of course not, I don't want to cause you so much trouble cruella.

-Dear T/N, I found your company most exquisite, believe me you were no bother to me at all -she says with great confidence.

- Well, I accept this time.

I notice how in front of us is her car with what I guess is her driver, who opens the door for me and then I thank him. The way home was silent after I said my address, although I could notice her gaze on me in some occasions, It took us about 15 minutes approximately, the driver opens the door and gives me his hand to get out of the car carefully.

-Thank you for bringing me here," I say outside my house.

-It's no problem, oddly enough, it's on my way.

I let out a small smile

- Would you like to come in?

-No, thank you, I have to go.

-Okay, I guess I'll see you later, bye, then I open the door with my key and once I enter I say goodbye with my hand, he answered me the same way. I stay static behind the door, what just happened? I say to myself...while I hear voices.

- Wow, you have to tell me how it went.

-Horace, I'll tell you tomorrow, okay?

-I'm sure I won't forget to ask, she's very pretty and they would look great as a couple. Having said that, I hear the car start, so I see that this idea doesn't seem so crazy because of the driver, who seems to be more cruella's friend, Horace is his name... surely he thinks the same as Artie... who I'll kill when I see him leaving aside the deception that made me take this date...

I would love to do it again.

#cruella x reader #cruella de vil #emma stone #disney live action #cruella

[loloskids]

Having only been settled in Klover for the past two years, Leah had nonetheless found it easy to assess everything that the town had to offer and decide on some places to make her presence known.  The purpose of having old haunts was to already establish yourself in a place with those familiar with it, and Leah had several of those. Tonight, however, she was interested in something a little different.

It was for this reason that she’d stepped long legs out of her town car to go to a club she’d never been to before, it already chalking up a point in its favor when the bouncer took one look at her and ushered her in, ignoring the line of people. Once inside Leah was quick to discover that it was just as chic as she had heard and read, a mirror reflected ceiling throwing purple and blue lights around the dark space. People were everywhere, it being a Saturday night after all.

Her lacy heels were navy like the tight denim dress that clung to her form, off the shoulder and low cut, and her inky hair fell loose and easy around her shoulders. The first thing that Leah does once inside is order two shots of their top shelf vodka, downing them quickly to get her night started. An unexpectedly large fan of eating after she had been drinking rather than before, the spirits didn’t take long to zing through her blood stream, though she wasn’t quite where she wanted to be yet. 

Ordering one more, Leah felt a large warm presence slide in next to her at the bar, cutting a curious and assessing gaze their way immediately. What she saw could not help but to incite an immediate spark in her eyes. 

Blinking at him before he spoke, Leah did instead. “I’m waiting.” She proffers as an explanation, mischievous grin turning her lips. “For you to order your drink, so I can find out if the drink matches the man. Go ahead, don’t let me get in the way.”

tagging: @elijaah​

#int. leah #int. leah and elijah #so it looks like i'm incapable of making you small starters

[fapangel]

Thoughts on Thomas Wictors musings on some kind of middle eastern wunderkin spec ops force? I'm unsure it even exists.

The contention of it certainly makes sense.

For starters, we must remember that the well-known truth about Arabs being terrible at warfare applies due to social and cultural norms that simply cripple their ability to compete against modern liberal democracies for a wide variety of reasons, prime among them being a complex social honor code that hamstrings both hierarchical command structure, honest criticism and junior officer initiative - the very cornerstones that make modern liberal democracies armies so effective. That’s in addition to the totalitarian nature of these theocratic shitholes, where the army itself is the greatest threat to the rulers, and thus are carefully limited in equipment, training, and operational assignments, based on relative trust in their loyalty - and of course, loyalty takes precedence over competence. 

None of this really applies to comparatively small special operations forces, especially for the filthy-rich, Western-allied nations like the UAE, Saudi Arabia and Egypt. These countries have been rolling in shit-tons of oil money for decades - and they intelligently invested it in various overseas businesses to prepare for the oil glut we’re in currently, so they’re still sitting pretty. They have the US/NATO selling them all the weapons they want in exchange for regional bases to counter the Soviet - er, Russian Federation, they’re screwing us over with OPEC, and in general they’ve got everything they want. 

The psychopathic jihadists in Iran and Syria threaten to spoil everything for them - especially with Iran pointing chemical-tipped missiles at everyone in sight and shoveling money and weapons into the pockets of every miserable murdering fuck in the region. The Saudis et al have everything, everything to lose by ignoring them, and everything to protect by fighting them. They don’t buy those shit-tons of American weaponry for grins and giggles - it’s logical to assume that anything they can do to fight these people, they will do. So the idea of the western-aligned Arab coalition forming a special operations group that they absolutely stagger with money, gear and training - augmented by co-operative training from the US (their ally) and Israel (who desperately needs allies, what with their backs to the sea and surrounded by bloodthirsty Arabs) isn’t far-fetched at all. 

As for Saudis and their motives, this thread of  Wictor’s is one of the most insightful I’ve seen in a long time - he explains, at length and in detail, how the current leadership of Saudi Arabia is very, very different than the people who were in charge when Sept. 11th happened. For the reasons Wictor advances, as well as my own point vis a vis jihadists above, the reason why their leadership changed is pretty damn clear-cut - it was in their best interest not to piss off their sugar daddy and patron, the United States. An anti-western coalition exists in the Middle East, defined roughly by NATO/US and the UAE/Egypt/Saudis et al on one side, and Iran/Syria/Pakistan/Turkey/Russia/China on the other - with North Korea backed by both Russians and Chinese, and serving as a long-distance arms trader/tech collaborator with Iran and Syria. Saudi Arabia is filthy rich, but tiny - they’re basically one guy in white robes with a nice credit card facing down a massive horde of savages. If the gun store won’t sell him LMGs and ammo, he’s hosed, simple as that - and we own the best gun store in town. You can always buy from Le Jaques Discount Arms Emporium, but his stuff can be knocked over by a few advanced toys from Russia - unlike American gear, which does the same to Russia’s best tech. The last time this came up (vis a vis tensions between Saudis and Quatar) I pointed out that Qatar is well-known as an active and ideologically motivated supporter of terrorists, and alleged that Saudi Arabia, by contrast, simply doesn’t care about what their citizens do as long as it doesn’t threaten their safety and stability.

What Wictor’s saying is something I should’ve concluded myself - that after 9/11, with a very angry America looking to break off their foot in someone’s ass, anyone with jihadist sympathies very much qualified as a threat to Saudi Arabia, which needs a positive long-term relationship with America to survive. 

Now, Wictor’s evidence might be so-so, but when you’re working with what you’d call “open-source intel,” you’re mainly working on logical suppositions and gut instincts anyways. The evidence at best hints in the direction you’re looking, and at worst demonstrates a conspicuously constant failure to disprove your theories, or even hint in the other direction. You can certainly quibble with his eyeball analysis of various propaganda videos of jihadis firing TOW missiles at people and tanks in the desert - I have, myself - but those criticisms are entirely aside from the point, which is that they’re propaganda videos. For instance, the video of a Syrian T-90 (newly gifted from Russia) being hit by a TOW before the gunner bails out at high speed struck Wictor as suspicious enough to be staged (tankers motto is “death before dismount,” because dismount usually IS death,) but I thought it could be legitimate - a poorly-trained Syrian recruit used to explosion-prone T-72 monkey models losing his nerve in his first real engagement….

… but that doesn’t mean the whole video wasn’t spliced together out of a few different clips by Russian propagandists before adding the appropriate jihadist graphics in the corners. Remember who benefits from videos of ebil terrorists using US-supplied TOW missiles against the Righteous Assad Regime - that’d be Russia, who’s openly and loudly accusing America of “supporting ISIS” every chance they get. Apply this also to our views of Saudi Arabia in general - never forget that Russia is turning its well-honed and experienced propaganda machine against them, as they’re a regional proxy of the United States (their enemy.) Additionally, Wictor’s arguing from the weight of evidence - he’s pointed out plenty of videos that are indubitably laughably bad fakes made strictly for propaganda. It’s not just the incompetence on display, but the lack of urgency - we all had a good giggle at the hapless idiots in the Abu Hajaar video, but I personally stopped laughing at the end, when two men (cameraman included) copy a third they see trying to roll his way out of the firefight. That’s exactly how untrained, panicking irregulars fleeing for their lives usually respond - and as the video shows, it’s also how they die. There’s nothing funny about that. That’s what combat looks like, and the gormless, bored assholes in the artillery shelling videos Wictor criticized (who’re engaging with direct-fire missions, i.e. well within range of the ever-present ZU-23s and Dushkas) reflect none of that. They don’t even have the energy for Aloha Snackbars after every shot. And that reflects the overwhelming majority of the videos I’ve personally seen in /wsg/ “war threads” and elsewhere. 

So, to review: 

1. There’s every reason to believe the western-allied Arab coalition would create a force like this: it’s in their best interests to fight jihadists, and it’s the same tactic used by their regional enemy, Iran (through their own spec-ops proxies like Hezbollah.) 

2. There’s no reason to believe they’d be as incompetent and incapable as Arab armies in general tend to be, since spec-ops is a very different beast. 

3. There’s clear-cut evidence of major Saudi leadership changes away from jihadi sympathizers, and correspondingly very good reasons for Saudi Arabia to treat jihadists as a threat to their very existence (as exemplified by Saudis recent pressure on Qatar.) In turn this means NATO and Israeli governments would be much more likely to provide spec-ops training to them - and they’re the best in the world, hands-down. 

4. The above is doubly reinforced by the threat Iran poses to Israel - consider this latest tirade from the zealous fundamentalist run government armed with chemical-tipped IRBMs that warns the Zionists that they’re absolutely going to be wiped out in 25 years, but they might be wiped out much sooner, so they should just sit back and quietly accept their doom, lest their final days be cut short. This, right here, is why Israel just nailed an Iranian missile factory in Syria with cruise missiles - a factory that was parked right under the defensive umbrella of that S-300VM unit Russia shipped in to Tartarus late last year (which is precisely why Israel was publicly warning Russia not to try shielding their asshole buddies with those AA systems.) Israel won’t tolerate Iran on their doorstep, since it’s life-and-death for them, and Russia needs Iran’s help in Syria, which is precisely why Israel and Russia are on a collision course concerning Iran’s proxy, Hezbollah. The Israelis have the best reason of all to team up with Saudi Arabia to fight these bastards - their very survival.  

4. There’s both direct evidence of, and very good reasons for, most of the combat imagery we see coming out of the middle-east war zones being faked propaganda footage. This doesn’t prove that Arab spec-ops are looting and shooting over there, but it does tell us what is not happening - the superficially accepted narrative of the war as it’s presented to us. 

5. Ergo, if the Syrians aren’t doing the real fighting against ISIS, who is? 

Conclusions? The Arab coalition has the means to create these spec-ops forces, they have very strong motivations, and they’ve had the opportunity for years now. On the balance, it’s harder to believe that the western-aligned Gulf states haven’t created a force like this. What you see on Twitter is Wictor pointing out ripples on the surface and telling you there’s a shark in the tank - but that’s only because he’s watched people dumping whole sides of beef into it for a decade or better. 

We don’t know what’s in there exactly, or just how big it is - but we do know that it sure as hell isn’t a goddamn guppy.