#so she was like: don't worry flora 'will manage' (not exactly this - it's an austrian term) she is awesome - with uni stuff she meant

[adore-gregor]

My rants

#here are partly because i feel like i have no one to talk about this in real life #i feel like no one ever notices i struggle too with stuff like that which i don't hold against anyone #today a friend at uni said about me when we talked about the next upcoming presentation #...and i was telling my presentation partners about how i won’t have much time this weekend and i'm sorry for it... #so she was like: don't worry flora 'will manage' (not exactly this - it's an austrian term) she is awesome - with uni stuff she meant #which is sweet but no pressure 😅 and i don't feel like that at all at least not rn 😶‍🌫️ #it's like no one gets it that it's also tough and what is behind it #i feel like i have to hold up the image other people have of me as a smart person who doesn't need to try or never has stress and problems #i don't even think i'm smart idk just lucky or has good strategies maybe i have some talent #but i don't see myself that way #and i always ask my friends and just people how they are doing in general and with uni but hardly anyone asks me that #everyone always assumes i'm doing great i guess maybe because yeah i come off as a very happy go lucky person #and i do smile a lot make jokes and try to be positive and not take life too seriously which is a good thing #but i'm not like that all the time yeah i guess i pretend i'm happy sometimes but it's not always pretending either #it often just also helps me making others feel better but also when you have a bad day making the best of it helps #additionally i don't like people worrying about me either but there's a difference between that and being seen #i would like to have someone to talk to about stuff like that sometimes it often feels lonely #sometimes it's my best friend ... but i don't see her often enough to do that #i could not blame anyone for that it's understable i guess #for example when i do try to bring it up that it's a lot with so much stuff going on or that i had no sleep and feel really worried #they're like 'don't worry you'll do great like always' or even 'it will be easy for you' #and i can't talk to my parents either as they would be worried then and doubt me even more despite doing well overall #so it often feels like i have to keep these thoughts to myself #writing it down here is kind of therapeutic :))