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coldcomputersoul · 3 years

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Star and Marco’s Bogus Journey Episode 3: Waking Eclipsa

Summary: It’s a hoot and a holler when Ludo causes a major political crisis on Mewni. Meanwhile, Star is convinced that Marco is still alive and tries to convince everyone else.

Star vs. the Forces of Evil belongs to:

Sealab 2021 belongs to:

[theme song]

ACT I

[The episode starts with Ludo sitting on the royal throne all alone in the darkness. Meanwhile, a massive crowd of people bang their pots and pans in front of the castle as a form of protest. The noise is so loud that Ludo can hear it from inside the castle, causing him anxiety. Cut to three months earlier. Ludo is about to give a special announcement to the citizens of Mewni from the royal balcony, but he’s too short to reach the microphone]

Ludo:

[to the guards] Ehem... [the guards remain still] I said: EHEM!!!

Guard:

Oh, right...

[The guards bring Ludo a couple of boxes so he can reach the microphone. They also lift him up and set him in place]

Ludo:

[standing on the boxes] That’s better… [holds the microphone] Is this thing on?, okay… Citizens of Mewni: As many of you already know, today I’m speaking to you in my role as acting king due the detention and subsequent arrest of Moon Butterfly and River Johannsen, who were caught conspiring against me during a police operation. Now, although a trial date has not yet been scheduled, it is expected to take place within... two weeks at most.

[The audience starts talking among themselves]

Ludo:

However, that’s not the only reason I’ve summoned you today, you see: There have been some... rumors circulating lately regarding princess Star Butterfly that I would like to clarify… first of all: I want to confirm that princess Butterfly is indeed missing, she ran away three days ago and we still don’t know her whereabouts, however… any rumors about princess Butterfly joining a resistance group are 100% false, so I would like to ask you to stop spreading misinformation, please.

[The journalists talk among themselves]

Ludo:

Finally, I would like to announce that despite the current political crisis we’re going through right now, I have no plans to resign and cede my power to the parliament, so I’ll continue in my role as acting king until further notice...

[Ludo’s announcement causes mixed reactions among the audience]

Manfred:

[to the audience] Your majesty will answer all your questions now...

Journalist #1:

Mr. Avarius, does this means that your wedding with Star Butterfly is officially cancelled?

Ludo:

Well, me and my cabinet still didn’t discuss that possibility yet, as right now we’re too busy with some other issues that are far more important, so... I can’t give you a proper answer to that question.

Journalist #2:

Mr. Avarius, as the acting king of Mewni, what are your powers?

Ludo:

According to the law, I’m allowed to take major decisions regarding taxation, foreign policy, police reforms, and so on and so forth… however, I can’t pass new bills all by myself, nor change the constitution. Those are powers that only the parliament has.

Journalist #3:

Mr. Avarius, what will be your plan of action to solve the current unemployment crisis?

Ludo:

We’re gonna create hundreds of thousands of new jobs by spending over $9000 billion in business spending to boost our economic growth by repealing several policies of my predecessor.

Journalist #4:

Mr. Avarius, what policies of the Butterfly administration are you planning to repeal?

Ludo:

Well, for example, I’ll replace the social pensions in favor of an individual capitalization system to allow all the workers to administrate their own pension funds.

Journalist #5:

Mr. Avarius, what are your thoughts on the MPPA*? (*Mewni-Pixtopia Partnership Agreement)

Ludo:

It’s a terrible deal, just as terrible as the person who signed it AKA Moon Butterfly. I’ll renegotiate a better one and we’ll be 10 times richer, you’ll see… okay, I’m tired, no more questions...

[Ludo gets back inside the castle]

Manfred:

Your majesty, there are still some journalists outside the castle, what do you…?

Ludo:

Send in the guard dogs to get rid of them...

Manfred:

Sir, the dogs are feeling sick right now.

Ludo:

Then, just send in the guards for crying out loud!!! and tell them to use pepper spray if it’s necessary… God, I’m surrounded by idiots… I’ll be in my room.

[Ludo retires to his room to have some privacy. Cut to Janna walking to school while chewing bubble gum. Suddenly, she hears a noise coming from a bush in front of the school]

Janna:

What the…?

Star:

[from inside the bush] Psst… Janna, it’s me Star...

Janna:

Star? What are you doing here? I thought you went back to Mewni for good...

Star:

Look, it’s a long story and right now, I don’t have time to explain. I need you to tell me where’s Jackie.

Janna:

Jackie no longer study here, she is moving out...

Star:

Really? Where?

Janna:

To France...

Star:

[panicking] No, no, no ,no, no!!! this can’t be… and just when I had something SO important to tell her… Is she gone?

Janna:

Not yet, she moves out next week. so, you can visit her at her house if you like...

Star:

Great idea!

Janna:

Now, would you please tell me what are you up to? not that I care, I’m just curious...

Star:

There’s no time for that, look… [gives Janna a hand-drawn map] meet me at this place at 6pm… I have very important news to tell you, but I also need Jackie to be present, do you understand?

Janna:

Uhm, Star… [shows the crudely drawn map] this map is garbage...

Star:

[sigh] The meeting is at the junkyard outside town, okay? there’s an abandoned 60’s van next to a pile of old tires… it’s unmistakable, trust me.

Janna:

Got it. I’ll there at 6pm then...

Star:

Good, now if you excuse me, I have to go. Don’t tell anyone that you saw me, okay?

Janna:

Sure...

[Star uses her dimensional scissors to leave. In that moment, Hope and Leah show up]

Hope:

Hey Janna, who were you talking to?

Janna:

Uhm, I was… talking to this magical talking bush? [beat]

Leah:

Really?

Janna:

Yeah...

Hope:

Ooh, that sounds like fun, I want to talk to him too… [talks to the bush] hey there fella… [beat] oh, I think he doesn’t like me.

Janna:

Don’t be silly Hope... he’s just being shy...

Hope:

Oh, that’s so cute.

Janna:

Whatever...

[Cut to Hekapoo (still frozen in a crystal) inside the dungeon. In that moment, a mysterious shadow wanders around the hallways and unfreezes Hekapoo]

Hekapoo:

WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I’LL…!!! Huh? Where am I?

Rhombulus:

[o.s] Inside the dungeon, I just unfroze you...

Hekapoo:

That voice...

[The mysterious shadow reveals itself as Rhombulus]

Hekapoo:

Rhombulus?! What the hell is going on?! Why am I in the dungeon?! What happened to Ludo?!

Rhombulus:

Take it easy Hekapoo, I’ll explain you everything, but first to need to calm down...

[Hekapoo takes a deep breath and calms down]

Hekapoo:

Okay, I’m cool now… would you please explain to me what in heaven’s name is going on?

Rhombulus:

Right… so after I froze you...

Hekapoo:

Wait… you were the one who froze me?!!! you damn traitor...!!!

Rhombulus:

[covering himself] Hekapoo please, let me explain to you, I swear it’s not what you think...

Hekapoo:

[sigh] Fine, I’ll listen to you… [crosses her arms] proceed.

Rhombulus:

Right… so after I froze you, Ludo promoted me to do your job, but that’s not the important part… like… Queen Moon and King River were caught trying to hire a hitman to kill Ludo, so they’re no longer in charge… and...

Hekapoo:

What?! When did that happen?!

Rhombulus:

Five days ago, but wait: I’m not done yet.

Hekapoo:

Wait, there’s more?!

Rhombulus:

Yes, because two days after the king and queen’s arrest, princess Butterfly ran away from the castle and no one knows where she is...

Hekapoo:

My God, you know what this means? Ludo has unlimited power now...

Rhombulus:

Not exactly, he’s still being limited by the parliament, but it’s only a matter of time before he finds out that he can remove people if he wants to.

Hekapoo:

You’re right, we gotta act quick if we want to stop him… I’ll just open a portal and...

Rhombulus:

Don’t do that!!! after princess Butterfly escaped from the castle, every dimensional portal is being guarded by the secret police… that’s one of the faculties Ludo gave them in order to maintain order.

Hekapoo:

So, what’s the big idea then?

Rhombulus:

Listen, at the end of this hallway, there’s a secret exit on the bottom right side of the wall, just push the big blue stone and you’ll enter into an abandoned corridor that will lead you outside the castle… once you’re outside, you head right into... [censor beep sound] that’s where the resistance is forming...

Hekapoo:

Wait, are you talking about... [censor beep sound] like, the… [censor beep sound]

Rhombulus:

Exactly, now hurry up, there’s no time to lose… [starts punching himself]

Hekapoo:

[raising an eyebrow] What are you doing?

Rhombulus:

I’m hurting myself in order to make it look like I put up a fight to stop you… [keeps punching himself]

Hekapoo:

Oh, you don’t have to do that… here, let me do it for you...

[Hekapoo starts beating Rhombulus]

Rhombulus:

[lying on the floor] Ouch! ouch! okay… I think that’s enough Hekapoo.. ouch! ouch! wait… please… that really hurts… Aaargh! have mercy… oh God… Aaaaah! [Hekapoo stops]

Hekapoo:

There you go, now it really looks like you put up a fight.

Rhombulus:

[writing in pain] Thank you Hekapoo… aargh!... you’re the best...

[Hekapoo runs away from the dungeon, but suddenly, she hears a familiar voice coming from one of the doors]

Queen Moon:

Hekapoo, is that you?

Hekapoo:

Your majesty, it’s me Hekapoo… are you okay?

Queen Moon:

Yeah, so far River and I are just being locked up, but how about you? do you have a plan?

Hekapoo:

Rhombulus told me the exact place where the resistance is forming, I’m planning to join them. Do you want me to get you out?

Queen Moon:

No, that won’t be necessary, we’ll be okay, however… I want you to do me a favor.

Hekapoo:

What do you want from me?

Queen Moon:

If you find Star… [takes a deep breath] I want you to promise me that no matter what, you will protect her from anyone who tries to hurt her… I know I’m asking you too much and you have to look out for for yourself too, but… Star is my only daughter and I don’t know what would I do if something happens to her, so please… take care of Star...

[Hekapoo simply smiles at her]

Hekapoo:

Don’t worry, your majesty, I won’t let you down...

Queen Moon:

Please, just call me Moon, at this point I’m not a queen anymore.

Hekapoo:

Whatever you say… Moon...

[Both women smile at each other. In that moment, Hekapoo hears some steps coming her way]

Hekapoo:

Oh crap, here comes one of the guards… [runs away] wish me luck Moon...

Queen Moon:

I’ll do it...

[Cut to Jackie carrying a box that says: “memories” and putting it in the trunk of a car. She notices that next to the box is a red belt that makes her think of Marco for a moment, then she takes a deep breath and keeps her way, but suddenly...]

Star:

[right behind Jackie] Jackie...

[Jackie gets startled and falls to the ground]

Jackie:

Star? what are you doing here?

Star:

There’s no time to explain, I need you to… [notices the red belt] Oh my… [takes the red belt] this used to belong to Marco, isn’t it? I remember he worked so hard to earn it... [her eyes get teary]

Jackie:

[standing up] Star, what’s going on?

Star:

[wiping her tears] Right... I want to tell you something very important...

Jackie:

What is it? I’m all ears...

Star:

But not here, I want you to meet me at the junkyard outside town at 6pm. Janna will be there too...

Jackie:

Wait… 6pm? but Star, right now I’m a little busy, you see… my mother took a new job and...

Star:

...and you’ll move out to France. Yeah I know, Janna told me about it, but please Jackie: This is very, VERY important and I need to know that I count on you to be there... [gets on her knees] pleeease...

[Jackie watches Star getting on her knees and thinks about it]

Jackie:

Okay Star, I’ll be there...

Star:

[hugging Jackie] Oh, thank you so much Jackie, it means so much to me to know that I can always count on you.

Jackie:

[hugging her back] That’s what friends are for...

Star:

Okay, I gotta go now… see you at the junkyard...

Jackie:

But Star, before you go, don’t you wanna talk about…?

[In that moment, Jackie’s mom shows up (her face is still unseen)]

Jackie’s Mom:

Jackie...

Jackie:

Yes mom?

Jackie’s Mom:

It’s getting late, did you pack your things in the car?

Jackie:

Oh yeah, I did it, I was just talking with my friend right… [she turns her head but Star is now gone] here...

Jackie’s Mom:

Jackie, is something wrong?

Jackie:

Nevermind. I’ll just go upstairs for my skateboard.

[Jackie gets inside the house. Cut to Ludo practicing magic spells in his room]

Ludo:

[holding the wand] [taking a deep breath] Okay, one more time: Mega Narwhal Blast!!!

[A couple of sick narwhals come out of the wand and fall on the floor]

Ludo:

[throwing the wand] YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! F***ING WAND!!! I just don’t understand what am I doing wrong… God, this pisses me off!!!

[In that moment, Manfred shows up]

Manfred:

[opening the door] Your majesty...

Ludo:

What are you doing? I thought I told you to never interrupt me while I’m alone in my room, you sicko.

Manfred:

But your majesty, this is an urgent matter...

Ludo:

And so is my privacy, have you ever stopped to think about that?

Manfred:

But, your majesty...

Ludo:

[mocking him] But your majesty… shut the f*** up you irritating idiot, don’t you see I’m…?

[One of the guards show up in the room]

Guard:

Your majesty, there are riots in the street right now...

Ludo:

What? Why didn’t you tell me before?!!! ugh, you people are so incompetent.

[Ludo runs to the meeting room along with the guard. Manfred just watches him leave with utter disgust]

Ludo:

[talking to the guards] Okay, I want you to tell me what the hell is going on right now.

Guard #1:

Well, you see… it all started with an old man arguing with a police officer, but then...

Guard #2:

Then the officer did something that… well, see it for yourself:

[A couple of guards bring a TV screen to the meeting room, then one of them uses a remote control to turn it on]

News Anchor:

...after being shot in a drive by shooting, Mewni’s state hospital finally confirmed the death of Blinky the clown at 4pm eastern time… in other news: Mewni lived a massive riot at Polybius Square after an elder man was brutally beaten by a police officer. Our field reporter, Tyrone Maggotbone is on the scene: How is everything over there Tyrone?

Tyrone:

[in front of a riot] Jeff, this is without a doubt one of the most unprecedented riots I’ve ever seen in my life. Hundreds of thousands of Mewmans are fighting against the police without an inch of fear… it’s like, these are levels of violence that we’ve never seen among mewmans before, I mean, look at this… [the camera shows a group of policemen kicking an old lady on the floor] are you getting this? Jesus Christ, that’s violent.

News Anchor:

Any idea of how this conflict escalated so quickly?

Tyrone:

Well, luckily for us, someone recorded the entire conflict that started this protest on his phone, I’ll send it to you so… there you go.

[The video shows an old man holding a sign that says “bring back social pensions” and a police officer approaches him asking him to leave, but they start a heated discussion which ends with the police officer banging the old man’s head with his stick, causing the outrage of everyone among the crowd]

Tyrone:

Now, I don’t know how this is going to end for the citizens of Mewni, but one thing’s for sure: This is an incident that people will never forget...

[The TV turns off]

Guard #1:

So, what are you gonna do about…?

Ludo:

Tear gas.

Guard #1:

Wait, what?

Ludo:

I want you to stop the riots using tear gas.

Guard #2:

But your majesty, don’t you think you should…

[Ludo pulls out a gun and shoots him in the leg]

Ludo:

What was that? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were questioning my authority for a moment. Anyway, use tear gas on every person who dares to even hold a sign, no exceptions. Do I make myself clear?

Guards #1 & #3:

Yes sir...

[The guards take their injured co-worker to the hospital]

Ludo:

[thinking to himself] The people of this country think they can make fun of me, huh? well, the joke’s on them because this is just getting started.

ACT II

[Cut to Jackie heading towards the junkyard on her skateboard. Once she gets there, she sees Janna along with Marco’s parents, Sensei Brantley, Gustav, the Morrisons, Alfonzo and Ferguson]

Jackie:

[fist bumping with Janna] Hey Janna...

Janna:

[chewing bubblegum] Hey Jackie...

Jackie:

Could you please tell me what’s going on?

Janna:

Well, you’re asking the wrong person, because I’m just as clueless you right now...

Sensei Brantley:

Hey, I was told that we would get free candy. I want my free candy.

Gustav:

This better be good. I missed my cooking class for coming here.

Alfonzo:

Hey look, it’s Star...

[Star suddenly appears from behind the van]

Mr. Diaz:

Star, what’s the meaning of this?

Ferguson:

Yeah, why did you call us?

Star:

I’m so glad you asked that question, because the answer will certainly blow your minds… now, we all remember our dear friend Marco, right? a regular teenage boy with a lot hobbies including videogames, cooking, karate and even ballet… yes, he was great dude with a lot of potential, but sadly on a dark turn of events he sacrificed himself in the name of the greater good. But… what if he didn’t really die and he’s more alive than ever before?

Janna:

[raising her hand] Uhm, excuse me, but… what the hell are you talking about?

Star:

That’s a very good question Janna Banana… and in order to answer it, first I want to show you something in my phone that will give you a clue of what I mean… take a look:

[Star shows them a clip from Sealab 2021 (from the episode “Der Dieb”)]

Star’s Phone:

Murphy: Now who's ready to beat some ass?

Marco: [steps forward and kneels] I'm in.

Murphy: I dub thee... [knights Marco with the bat] Sir Phobos, Knight of Mars, Beater of Ass. Be a hitter, babe.

Stormy: Hey! I wanna be a Martian Knight...

[Marco steps over to Stormy, now brandishing a bat]

Stormy: ...with... you guys? Maybe... get... one of them bats?

[Marco hauls off and knocks Stormy in the crotch with the bat; Stormy falls to the floor]

Debbie: Oh my God!

Quinn: What are you doing?

Murphy: Silence! I am enforcing the sacred law of the Red Planet.

Sparks: It's not 'Martian' law. It's-

Murphy: [to Marco] Sir Phobos?

[Marco walks over to Sparks, offscreen. We see the bat flying around and hear lots of thumps and Sparks' cries]

Sparks: [off-screen] Oww!!! My hand!!! You crushed my hand!!!

Mrs. Morrison:

Is this a joke?!

Mr. Diaz:

Star, you better have a good explanation for this!

Star:

Don’t you get it?! [points at her phone] This right here is Marco, OUR Marco. He’s trapped on another dimension and we gotta get him back.

Janna:

[giving her a pat on the back] Okay Star, with all due respect, I think you need some help, because you’re clearly out of your mind...

Star:

I’M NOT CRAZY!!! Marco is still alive and this is the proof...

Jackie:

But Star, that’s just a TV show. Just because there’s a character that shares the same name as Marco doesn’t mean they’re the same person.

Star:

But it’s not just the name. They have the same hobbies, the same personality traits, the same haircut... how can you not see it?

Gustav:

[standing up] Alright, I have enough of this… I’m leaving now...

Mr. Morrison:

Yeah, we’re leaving too...

[Everyone starts leaving]

Star:

Hey, where are you going? don’t leave me here all alone. We gotta get Marco back!!!

Janna:

Listen Star, if you want my advice: Get a good psychologist. For your own good.

Star:

But I know I’m telling the truth. Jackie, please: Tell everyone that I’m not crazy.

Jackie:

[scratching her head] Eh… well… maybe this time you should listen to Janna...

Star:

[shocked] But jackie… I thought you were my friend...

Jackie:

I am your friend Star, that’s why I think you should get some help. You can’t live the rest of your life in denial. Marco is gone, and he will never come back, and if you keep lying to yourself like this… well, let’s just say you’ll end up hurting everyone else around you… please Star… Star?

[Star stares at the floor in complete silence]

Star:

[whispering] Get out...

Janna:

What did you just say?

Star:

[screaming] Get out!!! All of you!!! Now!!!

Jackie:

But Star, we’re your friends...

Star:

I don’t have any friends here… leave me alone!!!

[Star turns away and hides inside the van. Jackie tries to follow her, but Janna stops her]

Janna:

Jackie don’t… that’s not a good idea.

Jackie:

but, I can’t help myself Janna. She looks so vulnerable.

Janna:

Yeah, but I know she’ll get over it one day. She just needs some time alone to mourn Marco, that’s all.

Jackie:

[sigh] You’re right. it’s not up to us.

Janna:

Come on, let’s go. We’ll be back tomorrow...

[Jackie and Janna leave the junkyard. Cut to Ludo having a meeting with the parliament and the Magic High Commision. He just walks around in circles over the table while rubbing his chin]

Ludo:

So, let me get this straight: You were at the dungeon looking out the prisoners, right?

Rhombulus:

[looking down] Right...

Ludo:

...and just when you went to check Hekapoo’s cell, you noticed she was gone, right?

Rhombulus:

Yes.

Ludo:

So, the attack was before of after you noticed she was gone, or...?

Guy #1:

Your majesty please, with all due respect: Don’t you think we should be discussing about more important issues? [covering himself] please don’t shoot me...

Ludo:

This is important you nincompoop, a highly dangerous prisoner escaped from the dungeon and I need to know every detail about it to evaluate what kind of security measures should I implement in the future. Stupid bureaucrat.

Guy #2:

Excuse me your majesty, but… what my colleague over here meant by “more important issues” was to talk about the overall discontent of our citizens.

Ludo:

What’s the big deal? I thought you already took care of them. Did you use tear gas to disperse the protesters like I told you to do?

Guy #3:

That’s not the point your majesty. The people reject the entire new system. According to our last poll, your approval rating is only 3%. Queen Moon’s approval was 30% at worst.

Ludo:

Meh, who cares about that? polls are misleading anyway… the people need some time to get used to the new system, that’s all… besides, I’m sure the economy is doing just fine.

Guy #4:

Eh, not exactly...

Ludo:

What? But how can this be? my economic plan was flawless. Explain yourself...

Guy #4:

Well, aside from the fact that nobody has been able to adapt to the new pension system, or the spending cuts you did on education that left several teachers unemployed, the unions are calling for massive strikes due the low wages and unfair contract terms.

Ludo:

Those filthy smurfs!!! [snaps his fingers] Okay, I got it: From now on, unions are forbidden and every person who joins or tries to create one will be punished by DEATH!!!

Guy #3:

But your majesty, that’s against the constitution.

Ludo:

Well, change the damn thing for f***’s sake!!! I’m just trying to solve the problem.

Guy #1:

Your majesty, don’t you think it would be easier if you just apply more sanctions to big companies so they are forced to provide better work conditions to their employees?

Ludo:

Are you nuts?! That will make me look weak and pathetic. We’ll boost the economy by raising tariffs on imported goods instead.

Guy #5:

Uhm, yeah… [scratches his head] speaking of which: The Pixie Empress called this morning to complain about the the changes you made at the MPPA, and...

Guy #2:

We told her it was non-negotiable, so she withdrew from it, and now we lost our main phone service provider.

Ludo:

Ugh, that tinkerslut!!! that’s it, we’re going to war!!!

Guy #4:

Are you insane? that will cost us trillions!!!

Guy #3:

Not to mention their army is like: TEN times bigger than ours. They will pulverize our soldiers.

Ludo:

Look, I’m perfectly aware how hard must be for you that some of our good men will probably die during this bloody conflict… but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make for this country.

Guy #1:

We won’t let you!!!

Ludo:

[getting angry] Are you questioning my authority as king?!!! I can get you killed for your lack of respect, you know...

Guy #4:

[standing up] Your majesty, please try to be more reasonable. We’re doing our best to come up with a solution to all these problems and you just keep treating us like garbage.

Ludo:

Well, maybe it’s because you’re garbage. I mean, look at this mess. This country is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it because my hands are tied by YOU!!!

Guy #4:

You can’t blame us for your failed policies!!!

Ludo:

Why not? You’re the ones who are keeping me from making the changes this country needs.

Guy #4:

[groaning loudly] Jesus F***ing Christ!!! this is SO pointless, it’s like talking to a child!!! [stands up] that’s it: I’m out of here… [walks away]

Ludo:

HEY!!! GET BACK HERE!!! WE’RE NOT DONE YET!!!

[Everyone else starts leaving as well, including the Magic High Commission]

Ludo:

Oh yeah?!!! fine… I don’t need you to run this country!!! I can do it on my own!!! [he is now all alone at the meeting room] God, being king is frustrating!!! I wish I could have someone to teach me...

[In that moment, Miss Heinous quietly sticks her head in the door]

Miss Heinous:

Uhm, excuse me… Is this the meeting room?

Ludo:

Who the hell are you?! How did you get here?!

Miss Heinous:

Well, I told the guards that I had an appointment and he just let me in...

Ludo:

Ugh, note-to-self: Fire all the guards and replace them with robots.

Miss Heinous:

Look, I understand that you’re busy guy and don’t like to be interrupted, but… if you just give us a minute to talk with you, we would like to make you an offer you might find interesting.

Ludo:

Wait… us? I thought you were alone.

Miss Heinous:

Oh, right… silly me...

[Miss Heinous opens the door and reveals she’s with her minions Gemini and Rasticore]

Miss Heinous:

Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Olga Heinous and these are my personal assistants Gemini and Rasticore. say hello boys. [they make a reverence] I’m the former headmistress of St. Olga’s Reform School for Wayward Princesses. I have my CV right here if you wanna verify for yourself...

Ludo:

School? Oh, I get it. You’re here to complain about the education cuts, [sigh] listen lady: I don’t know who do you think you are, but let me be clear on this: I’m not gonna change my policies. End of story.

Miss Heinous:

No, wait… I’m not here to complain at all, on the contrary: I would personally like to thank you for your excellent job regarding domestic policy.

Ludo:

Domestic policy? What are you talking about? there are still riots on the streets.

Miss Heinous:

Yeah, I know, however: If it weren’t for your police reforms, the situation would be ten times worse.

Ludo:

Finally someone who gets it.

Miss Heinous:

However, while I do think your policies are good, they’re far from being perfect, and that’s why I’m here, your majesty… [makes a reverence] to work with you.

Ludo:

[raising an eyebrow] You are?

Miss Heinous:

Of course, you see: Before I got kicked out from my own school, my crew and I created a new kind of educational system that not only was capable to break our students on the outside, but on the inside too. A prison for the mind if you will. However, one day a princess called Turdina came out of the blue and destroyed my entire job… [has flashbacks of Princess Turdina] All of a sudden, my students became free-thinking rebels: Wild, unpredictable, incapable of being disciplined. Somehow, their minds were no longer mine to control them. All thanks to that one princess...

Ludo:

That’s terrible.

Miss Heinous:

After I lost my school, my job, my reputation, there was nowhere for me to go, in fact: To this day I still live in my car and the only company I have are my dear Rasticore... [gives him a pat on the head] and this deformed freak over here… [points at Gemini]

Gemini:

Hello...

Ludo:

Well, that’s a cute little story and all, but I still don’t understand why should I let you help me.

Miss Heinous:

Wait, I’m not done yet, you see... [has flashbacks of her reading several books] once I lost everything, I spent several weeks analyzing my failure. Day after day I read every book about mind control and discipline to figure out what I did wrong, but after months of pointless research I came to a realization: Maybe, it’s not about take away their freedom, but rather make them believe they have freedom...

Ludo:

Wow, I… never thought about that...

Miss Heinous:

So, what do you say? Let me be your political adviser, and I promise you’ll become the most popular ruler on Mewni since Queen Festivia.

Ludo:

Do I have to become a nice person?

Miss Heinous:

Nope, you can still be as much of a douche as you please.

Ludo:

Well, in that case welcome aboard Miss Heinous. [shakes her hand] I’m sure it will be a pleasure to work with you.

Miss Heinous:

On the contrary your majesty: The pleasure is all mine.

[Cut to Hekapoo arriving at some unknown location (that looks like hell) where a crowd of mewmans and monsters gather around. In that moment, she finds Kelly and Pony Head among the crowd]

Hekapoo:

Kelly? Pony Head? Is that you?

Kelly:

Hekapoo? Oh, thank goodness you’re okay. We thought you were dead.

Hekapoo:

Where’s princess Butterfly?

Pony Head:

[to Kelly] Don’t tell her anything!!! remember that she works for the government and will probably rat us out if we speak.

[Hekapoo and Kelly just look at her with an scornful facial expression]

Pony Head:

[feeling awkward] Eh… I mean… just kidding… come on, can’t you take little joke? he-he...

Hekapoo:

As I was saying: Do you know where she is?

Kelly:

I have no idea, but one thing’s for sure: You won’t find her in this dimension.

Hekapoo:

Wait, how do you know that?

Kelly:

Because we are the ones who helped her in her escape.

Hekapoo:

Really? wow, it must have been difficult for you, I mean with all the guards around watching the place and stuff...

Kelly:

Oh, you have no idea, like… first we had to sneak into the castle while avoiding the watchdogs, at first we tried to climb our way in, but fortunately Tad found a loose stone in the wall and...

Pony Head:

After we got in, I had to take everyone to the top room where Star was with a rope tied to my neck and then Tad said something about a loose bar and blah blah blah, long story short we escaped from the castle and gave Star a pair of dimensional scissors, but that’s all we know so far, I swear...

Hekapoo:

And you don’t have any idea of where she could be, do you?

Kelly:

Unfortunately, Star didn’t tell us where she was planning to go, but I’m sure she went somewhere safe and will be okay.

Pony Head:

Yeah, I mean, it’s not like she’s hiding on Earth or something like that, because that would be really stupid and Star knows better, right? RIGHT?

[Hekapoo and Kelly look at each other very concerned]

Pony Head:

Oh my God, she’s hiding on Earth, isn’t it?

Hekapoo:

I have to go there and find her.

Kelly:

But how? All dimensional portals are being watched by him, you could reveal her location to Ludo if you do that.

Hekapoo:

But she needs someone to protect her, don’t you get it? It’s only a matter of time before he finds out and send their thugs to get her back. If only there was a way to get there without using portals, I...

Random Guy:

Shhhhh… the rally is about to start...

Hekapoo:

Rally? What rally?

[In front of the crowd there’s a stage with a demon servant ready to make an announcement]

Demon Servant:

[holding a paper] And now, your demonic majesty prince Thomas Draconius Lucitor will address you to discuss the current crisis our country is facing.

[Tom gets on stage while holding a microphone. The servant makes a final reverence and leaves]

Tom:

Thank you Frank… Now, we all know why we’re here, right? These hard times we’re living today, this whole crisis that it’s like nothing we’ve ever seen before, we must put a stop to it, but in order to do that we need organization. So, the first thing I would like to propose to all mewmans, demons and monsters is to set aside our differences and come together to face this powerful enemy that doesn’t respect anything, or anyone for that matter, I’m talking of course about Ludo Avarius.

[Everyone starts booing at the mention of Ludo’s name while holding Anti-Ludo signs]

Tom:

Yeah, yeah, I know, I hate Ludo too, but listen: If we REALLY want to take him down, we have to do the smart thing and join our forces to achieve this common goal we all have. Look, I know it hasn’t been easy for any of us, we have our differences and we all know it, but is in times like these where the will of the people is put to the test, and who knows, maybe… JUST maybe, if we’re successful, we’ll realize we have more in common than we thought. So, what do you say? Are you with me?!!!

[The crowd starts cheering at him]

Tom:

Now, that’s what I’m talking about, and with all said and done, I have great news for you: As you may know, Pixtopia just withdrew from the MPPA and shut down all their services on Mewni, however… as we’re speaking right now, a group of my best lawyers and negotiators are reuniting with the Pixie Empress to bring their magic dust to us without any interference from Ludo’s government.

[The crowd starts cheering once again]

Hekapoo:

Wait, did he just say “magic dust”? [walks among the crowd] Hey, I have a question!!!

Tom:

And last, but certainly not least: I recently spent a good amount of my fortune, two hundred four million dollars to be exact, to buy you helmets, pads and gas masks so you can get all the protection you need on the upcoming protests. Bring it on boys!!!

[Tom’s minions fly around the crowd giving helmets, pads and gas masks while the crowd cheers even louder and start singing a song with the same melody of “The Star-Spangled Banner”]

The Crowd:

♫ Ludo go f*** yourself… You are worse than the plague… We will seeeever you head and… Serve it up on a plate… ♫

Tom:

Well, that’s all for today people, and don’t forget to assist to next week’s rally at Polybius Square at 4pm. Don’t forget I count on you, so don’t let me down [winks at the crowd] See you later...

[Tom gets off the stage while the crowd keeps cheering at him. Meanwhile, Hekapoo tries to make her way to the stage. Cut to Tom at the backstage celebrating along with his life coach Brian]

Tom:

That. Was. Incredible!!! I mean, did you see the way they all cheer up for me? Ah man, this is the best day ever!!! High five!!! [he gives a high five to Brian] And all thanks to you Brian...

Brian:

Don’t mention it master Tom, after all, it’s part of my job. [opens a bottle of soda and drinks it]

Tom:

Oh, don’t be so modest, you know I couldn’t have done this without you, so… you want me to take you to a Big Boy, or something? [gives him a pat on the back] come on, flapjacks are on me...

Brian:

Well, that sounds nice and all, but...

[In that moment, one of Tom’s minions enters the room]

Tom’s Minion:

Master Tom: You have a visit from someone who says she needs to talk with you immediately. She says it’s something important.

Tom:

Wait, did you just say “she”? let her in...

[Hekapoo enters the room escorted by Tom’s minions]

Tom:

Hey, wait a minute… you are that fire chick from the Magic High Commission… Hek-a-something…?

Hekapoo:

Hekapoo... now listen to me: You said you can get pixie dust, right? cause I need a huge favor...

ACT III

[Cut to Ludo and Miss Heinous having a private meeting at Ludo’s room. Heinous walks around in circles rubbing her chin while Ludo just watches her in silence while sitting on chair]

Ludo:

So, what do you think we should…?

Miss Heinous:

[interrupting him] Shhh… I’m thinking...

[Miss Heinous keeps walking around in circles for a while. Ludo gets tired and falls asleep]

Miss Heinous:

[shouting] I GOT IT!!!

[Ludo wakes up startled and falls off the chair]

Ludo:

[standing up] What? What? What? Where am I?

Miss Heinous:

I just came up with the perfect plan to make you popular among young people.

Ludo:

Really? And why took you so long?

Miss Heinous:

I’m sorry your majesty, but it was too much information to process in order to get it done. No offense, but you’re not exactly the nicest guy in the world.

Ludo:

[sigh] I know that, why do you think I hired you? Jeez… So, what’s the big idea?

Miss Heinous:

Okay, here’s the plan: Everyone loves a hero, right?

Ludo:

Right...

Miss Heinous:

This notion of a brave, fearless warrior facing the adversity, overcoming the obstacles that come his way in order to achieve his goals, or save the people the loves. That’s where the appeal is.

Ludo:

Okay, I think I know what you mean, but how exactly will I become a hero? I mean, just the idea of having a hand-to hand combat nice makes me wanna piss my pants.

Miss Heinous:

Oh, but that’s the whole trick your majesty: It’s not about make you look like a hero, but instead make your opponents look so bad, that people perceive you as a hero.

Ludo:

I’m not following you...

Miss Heinous:

It’s quite simple really. Just like the story of David and Goliath, people always tend to look out for the underdog, so in order to make you a hero, we’ll turn your enemies into the huge, evil monsters you should fight to save Mewni. In other words: You’ll become king David and they will be your Goliath.

Ludo:

Oh, now I get it. I must say, I’m starting to like this idea and all, but... how are gonna change people’s perception of me? I mean, I only have a 3% approval rating.

Miss Heinous:

Just leave everything to me your majesty, after all: If we want to achieve our goal we have to go one step at a time.

Ludo:

Well, if you say so...

[In that moment, one of the guards opens the door to make an announcement]

Guard:

Your majesty, the rioters came back. They’re making some kind of rally at Polybius Square.

Ludo:

What?!!! Send the military and them to shoot those terrorists right in the...

Miss Heinous:

[interrupting Ludo] Wait, don’t do that!!!

Ludo:

Huh? Why not?

Miss Heinous:

Look, just let them have their rally, trust me.

Ludo:

Aw, but I hate rallies...

Miss Heinous:

Listen to me: If you decide to respond with violence, not only will you legitimize their movement, but you’ll also lose the few approval you already have. Be smart and play safe, please...

[Ludo takes a moment to think about it]

Ludo:

[sigh] Okay, I’ll do as you say… [talks to the guard] Cancel the attack, but send a brigade of police officers to watch the surrounding areas.

Guard:

Yes sir… [leaves the room]

Ludo:

Are you sure this will boost my popularity?

Miss Heinous:

Of course it will, this is all part of the plan. Just let them have their puny little rally for now, because soon enough you’ll have them eating out of your hand.

Ludo:

Excellent...

[Ludo and Miss Heinous start laughing evilly. Cut to Star crying inside the van at the junkyard. She looks a picture of her, Marco and the girls, but decides to delete it]

Star:

[thinking to herself] Oh Marco, even though it’s only been a few of weeks since you’re gone, somehow I can still feel your presence all around. Now, I don’t know if it’s because I’m going crazy, or I just can’t accept the reality and move on like everyone else, but one thing’s for sure: Things will never be same again now that I’ve lost you...

[Star closes her eyes and keeps crying in silence surrounded by darkness, when suddenly she hears a whispering, echoey voice that says: “Go further down”]

Star:

[opening her eyes] What?! Who said that?!

[The voice now says: “Down the spiral”]

Star:

Who are you?! What’s going on?!

[Star gets out the van in the middle of the night and follows the mysterious voice that keeps repeating “Go further down” and “Down the spiral” over and over]

Star:

[running across the junkyard] Wait… Where are you? What do you mean by “Down the Spiral”?

[She keeps running around searching for the voice, but suddenly: The voice stops]

Star:

[breathing heavily] Hey… don’t go… don’t… [gets on her knees] oh, who am I kidding? maybe I’m really going crazy and I’m just starting to hear voices… I mean… is there a way this could possibly get any worse?

Hekapoo:

[o.s] Princess Butterfly?

[Star gets startled for a second, but then she turns her head and sees Hekapoo right behind her]

Star:

Hekapoo? What are you doing here? Were you doing those voices I’ve just heard?

Hekapoo:

[raising an eyebrow] Voices? I don’t know what you’re talking about, anyway… thank goodness I found you. I’ve been looking for you for hours, but Janna wasn’t very specific when I asked her where...

Star:

Wait, did Janna tell you I was here?

Hekapoo:

Well, yes.

Star:

Ugh, what a friend… and just when I thought this situation couldn’t possibly get any worse, now it turns out she spilled the beans on me, so you can take me back to marry that knucklehead Ludo.

Hekapoo:

I’m not here to take you back to Mewni.

Star:

Really?

Hekapoo:

On the contrary: I’m here to take you to a safer dimension so Ludo can’t find you. Mewni has become a living hell since you left, so trust me: It’s better for you to stay away.

Star:

What the hell happened on Mewni?

Hekapoo:

Well, after you disappeared Ludo assumed the position of acting king and ever since then he turned Mewni into a neo-fascist dystopia. He doubled down police enforcement, banned every form of protest and suspended several civil liberties.

Star:

Oh my God, that’s terrible.

Hekapoo:

And the worst part is that since your parents were arrested for attempting to hire a hitman to kill Ludo, they’re being kept in prison and no one is able to get them out.

Star:

Jesus Christ, we gotta do something.

Hekapoo:

Forget it princess, it’s too dangerous. Just so you know: I had to get here using pixie dust instead of a dimensional portal because even those are being guarded by royal soldiers.

Star:

But we can’t just sit back here and wait for something to happen, the lives of our friends and families are in grave danger and you know it.

Hekapoo:

I’m sorry your majesty, but I promised to your mother that I would protect you, so my answer is no.

Star:

[groaning] You’re unbelievable. It’s like the only thing you know how to do is follow orders, I mean, where’s your sense of individuality? Do you even have any dream? A personal goal in life, of something like that? Or maybe you’re just a selfish, cold hearted bitch, just like my mother...

[Hekapoo gets angry at Star, so she slaps her in the face]

Hekapoo:

Now listen to me, you ungrateful little brat, because I’m only gonna say this once: You have no idea how much your mother has sacrificed for you to be safe, even at the expense of her own life, so the least you can do is treat her with the respect she deserves.

Star:

[rubbing her cheek] F*** you!!!

Hekapoo:

Besides: You wanna talk about selfishness? What about you princess? after all, you’re pregnant with Marco’s child, aren’t you? Are you telling me you’re willing to put that baby’s life in danger along with your own just to prove a point? I’m pregnant with Marco’s child too, and I don’t wanna risk myself or my upcoming baby just to save you. Have you ever thought about that?

Star:

[turning her back on Hekapoo] Leave me alone...

Hekapoo:

So... no snarky remarks on that one? Huh, why am I not surprised? Well, maybe it’s time for you to just grow up and cooperate with me for a change.

Star:

I didn’t ask for your help...

Hekapoo:

Well, tough luck sweetheart! because you have no choice.

Star:

I’m not going anywhere… [sits on the floor with her arms crossed] you understand?

Hekapoo:

Princess, please… you’re only making my job harder than it should be.

Star:

Well I’m sorry, but your job is not my problem.

[Hekapoo takes a moment to figure out a way to convince her]

Hekapoo:

You know, Janna also told me that you’re convinced that Marco is somehow still alive, is that true?

Star:

And what do you care about that?

Hekapoo:

Because just like you princess, I still remember Marco and would give anything to see him again, but I guess you don’t care about that either.

Star:

You’ll just think I’m crazy like everyone else did.

Hekapoo:

I give you my word that I won’t think you’re crazy, so please: Show me what you know about Marco.

[Star thinks about it for a few seconds. Cut to Star showing Hekapoo the inside of the van. She uses the flashlight of her phone to search for something across the floor]

Hekapoo:

What is this place?

Star:

It’s the inside of a van. It’s a human vehicle that I’ve been using as a house the last few days.

Hekapoo:

Why have you been using a vehicle as a house?

Star:

It’s a human thing, you wouldn’t understand.

Hekapoo:

So… you’re telling me that humans use their own houses as vehicles?

Star:

Not at all of them, just the ones that don’t have a roof over their heads.

Hekapoo:

So, there are humans that live under roofs they call houses, and the ones that don’t have roofs live inside vehicles they call houses, even though they’re not roofs? God, humans are weird...

Star:

I’ve found it!!!

[Star shows her a notebook with all the information she’s been collecting]

Hekapoo:

What is this? wait, let me just… [uses her powers to create a flame to light up the place] there you go.

[The notebook contains images of several Sealab 2021 episodes along with their respective airdates, production codes, summaries and footnotes. The pictures with Marco have a red circle drawn around his face]

Star:

Okay, these images are from a TV show called Sealab 2021. It’s about a group of scientists living in an underwater research station for research purposes, but because of their sheer incompetence and unprofessional behavior they blow up their lab in almost every episode.

Hekapoo:

[rubbing her chin] Okay...

Star:

Now, after watching the complete series three times in a row and doing some research, I’ve found out that this show… is actually a parody of another show called Sealab 2020.

Hekapoo:

Eh, I don’t understand what does this have to do with…?

Star:

Wait, I’m not done yet… The original show aired in 1972 and the parody aired in 2001, almost 30 years of difference, after doing more research I discovered that between 1970 and 2000 the United States spent around 13.5 million dollars in underwater research stations alone... that’s like 88.6 millions if you adjust it to today’s standards.

Hekapoo:

Wow, I didn’t know you were so good at math.

Star:

Well, to tell you the truth, I asked some help from Alfonzo for that one, but anyway: The reason I’m telling you this is because of this character over here… [points at Marco]

Hekapoo:

Well, he kinda looks like Marco.

Star:

That’s the whole point: The full name of this character is Marco something something Diaz something something something Marquez, he works as the station’s engineer, and not only shares the same name as OUR Marco, but he is also a bit stubborn, has large muscles, knows karate, how to cook, has large muscles, doesn’t speak spanish very well, is a bit corky, has large muscles, he’s even a bit of a ladies’ man… did I mention he has large muscles?

Hekapoo:

Okay, I admit those are a lot of coincidences, but how are you so sure that THIS is OUR Marco?

Star:

Well, remember when Marco attempted to destroy the Espercrystal while it was embedded in Toffee’s body? you know, when Toffee turned into that gigantic mass of flesh and stuff...

Hekapoo:

Yeah, I remember that...

Star:

The last thing we could see before they disappeared was that giant upward spiral of magic energy that quickly vanished into thin air, so… my theory is that maybe, just MAYBE, Marco wasn’t actually disintegrated, but teleported into a different spacetime, something that goes beyond any dimension we have knowledge of. Something like...

Hekapoo:

A different realm.

Star:

What’s a realm?

Hekapoo:

In the Magic High Commision that’s how we call those places that are beyond any dimension we have registered in our archives, it’s like when you have a map and you reach the edges into unexplored territory.

Star:

Wait, so... do you actually believe me? You don’t think I’m crazy, or something like that?

Hekapoo:

No, not at all, in fact: I think your theory makes a lot of sense considering that realm travelling can actually bend some of the rules of spacetime.

Star:

[getting excited] Oh my God, you know what this means? We can get Marco back!!! [starts jumping for joy] Hooray! this is the best day ever. Using your knowledge and my bravery and determination we’ll be able to find him on wherever dimension he’s in...

Hekapoo:

Wow, wow, wow… now hold your horses for one second princess: realm travelling is nothing like the dimensional travelling you’re used to. We’re talking about a whole new level in spacetime journey that goes beyond my understanding, so… No, we’re not going anywhere.

Star:

But we gotta get Marco back!!! I thought you loved him...

Hekapoo:

Look, I love Marco as much as you do princess, but it’s too dangerous and I promised to your mother that I would keep you safe, so this conversation is over.

Star:

[making a puppy face] Pleeeease...

Hekapoo:

No.

Star:

Oh, come on...

Hekapoo:

I said no, and even if I agreed to do it, I still don’t know how to travel. The only person I know that knows about realm travelling is...

Star:

Who? Who knows about realm travelling?

Hekapoo:

I’m not gonna tell you.

Star:

Come on, just tell me… I promise I won’t do anything. Scout’s honor!

Hekapoo:

Don’t try to fool me, you’re not even a scout.

Star:

[taking a deep breath] Okay, you asked for it: tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me...

Hekapoo:

OKAY, OKAY, I’LL TELL YOU!!! BUT FOR GOD’S SAKE: CUT IT OUT!!!

Star:

It always works...

Hekapoo:

As I was saying: The only person I know that knows about realm travelling is Queen Eclipsa, but she’s still frozen in the crystal dimension so we can’t go there. End of story.

Star:

Sure we can, we just have to use some of that pixie dust of yours and that’s it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy...

Hekapoo:

Okay, first of all: Rhombulus is the only one who has the ability to unfreeze people, and he no longer works on the crystal dimension, and second of all: We’re not going.

Star:

[groaning loudly] You’re just like my mother, you… wait a second: You said that my mother sent you to protect me... which it means you still work for my family... therefore, I’m actually your boss...

[Star looks at Hekapoo with a grin on her face. Hekapoo gulps out of fear]

Hekapoo:

Princess please, just take a moment to consider it...

Star:

Too late, I’ve already made up my mind, so… [puts her arm around Hekapoo’s shoulders] Beam me up Scotty!

Hekapoo:

Me and my big mouth...

[Cut to a group of protesters having a celebration in Polybius Square. There’s people dancing in the streets, people putting up anti-government posters and even people burning an effigy of Ludo. Tyrone, the news reporter is on the scene]

Tyrone:

[holding a microphone] I’m here at Polybius Square where a massive event is taking place right now. Thousands of people gather around for the third consecutive week on what is seems to be the biggest march in Mewni’s history. To give us more details, we have an exclusive interview with none other than the organizer of this entire movement: Tom Lucitor. [the camera shows Tom next to Tyrone] How are you today Tom?

Tom:

Very excited Tyrone, you know, I never thought this movement me and crew started three weeks ago could become so massive, I mean, look at all these people right here. This certainly goes beyond all our projections.

Tyrone:

Right... Moving to another topic, there have been some reports of lootings taking place around the square, as well as some acts of vandalism that some people attribute to the protests, what do you have to say about that?

Tom:

Nothing but isolated incidents Tyrone. I’ve been organizing this movement from day 1 and I’ve spoken with a lot of people, and let let me tell you: The vast majority you’re watching right here are pacific and have nothing to do with the looters. Besides, I can guarantee you that 2 out of 3 looting incidents are hoaxes made by the police in order to discredit our movement.

Tyrone:

Really? How does that work?

Tom:

Well, first they pay a group of people to put on some masks and attack a bunch of previously selected stores and small business they capture on video, and then they post it on the internet to...

[Cut to Ludo and Miss Heinous watching the news at the meeting room]

Ludo:

[panicking] Oh my god, they found out about the hoaxes. The plan is ruined!!!

Miss Heinous:

Relax your majesty, this is exactly what we wanted.

Ludo:

[raising an eyebrow] It is?

Miss Heinous:

Of course!!! In fact: The rise of that demon boy is the best thing that could have happened to us.

Ludo:

Really? But how? I don’t get it.

Miss Heinous:

Elementary, my dear Ludo: The best way to make you popular is to find someone that people can hate more than they hate you, don’t you understand? By dragging Tom down, we’ll discredit your entire opposition making them look dishonest. In that way we can shift the narrative to turn you into the lesser of two evils. It’s politics 101 basically...

Ludo:

My God… That’s brilliant!

Miss Heinous:

Now, the only thing we have to do is find some dirt on him, but how are we gonna do it?

Ludo:

You leave that to me, I know the perfect guy...

[Cut to Rhombulus trying to create dimensional scissors at Hekapoo’s fortress. However, all his attempts so far have failed miserably, resulting in a pile of deformed scissors]

Rhombulus:

[putting his hands around the fire] Almost there… [the scissors turn out okay] Yes!!! [but then they stretch and deform] Oh, F***!!! [throws the scissors into the pile] Who am I kidding? I don’t know how to make dimensional scissors, Ludo will blow me into smithereens for this. [sigh] If only Hekapoo was here to teach me how to do it, I mean, she makes it look so easy...

[In that moment, Hekapoo appears out of nowhere, pounces over Rhombulus and puts a magical knife around his neck]

Hekapoo:

Well, maybe you should lower the fire’s temperature for next time, you knucklehead.

Rhombulus:

Hekapoo? What are you doing here?!

Hekapoo:

Oh you know, just paying a visit to an old friend to ask him a small favor.

Rhombulus:

Do I know him?

Hekapoo:

Ha-ha, very funny, now go grab your stuff cause you’ll take us to see Queen Eclipsa.

Rhombulus:

Us? What do you mean by “us”?

[Star appears from behind one of the fortress’ pillars]

Star:

Is he ready Hekapoo?

Rhombulus:

Princess Butterfly?! What’s the meaning of this?!

Hekapoo:

The less you know the better, trust me. Now do as we say and everything will be just fine, okay? OKAY?!

Rhombulus:

[sweating] Okay, okay, I’ll do as you say...

[Cut to Rhombulus taking Star and Hekapoo to see Queen Eclipsa at the Crystal Dimension]

Star:

[sigh] How long till we get there?

Rhombulus:

We’re here.

[Rhombulus shows Star and Hekapoo the giant crystal block where Eclipsa is frozen]

Rhombulus:

Okay, this is Queen Eclipsa. Can I go now?

Star:

Wake her up...

Rhombulus:

What?! Are you serious?! Do you have any idea who Queen Eclipsa is?!

Hekapoo:

Do as she says, now! [points the knife at him]

Rhombulus:

Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Heaven forgive me...

[Rhombulus uses his powers to unfreeze Queen Eclipsa, but only from the shoulders up]

Queen Eclipsa:

[waking up] Huh? What happened? Why am I awake again?

Star:

[making a reverence] Queen Eclipsa, I came a long way to ask you very important favor...

Queen Eclipsa:

Wait a minute: Moon, is that you? What happened? I thought that spell I gave you to defeat Toffee was enough to take him down, maybe you just mixed up the words...

Star:

[standing up] I’m not Moon Butterfly your highness. I’m her daughter Star Butterfly, and right now I need your help.

Queen Eclipsa:

Let me guess: You’re here because you need to know a particular spell that only I know, don’t you?

Star:

How did you guess?

Queen Eclipsa:

It’s the only reason people have woke up lately, believe it or not.

Star:

So, can you help me?

Queen Eclipsa:

Mmmm… Can you bring me a chocolate bar from that vending machine over there?

Star:

What?!

Queen Eclipsa:

I’m sorry, but I make my decisions better on a full stomach, I hope you don’t mind.

[Star looks at Hekapoo for a moment]

Hekapoo:

[sigh] Don’t worry, I’ll get the bar...

[Hekapoo goes to the vending machine and gets a chocolate bar, then she gives it to Eclipsa]

Queen Eclipsa:

[tasting the bar] Oh, but is is a lemon bar. I wanted the cherry flavoured one.

[Hekapoo starts grinding her teeth as she goes once again to the vending machine to get a cherry flavoured bar, but this time the bar gets stuck inside]

Hekapoo:

[getting angry] SON OF A… [punches the machine, breaks it and gets the bar, then she gives it to Eclipsa] Here’s your stupid bar.

Queen Eclipsa:

[tasting the bar] Ah, that’s better… [eats the whole bar]

Star:

So, can you help me now?

Queen Eclipsa:

Okay, tell me what you want to know.

Star:

Phew! finally… I need you to tell me how to travel through dimensional realms.

Queen Eclipsa & Rhombulus:

DIMENSIONAL REALMS?!

Rhombulus:

[to Hekapoo] Hekapoo, did you tell her about the realms?! that’s against the royal code.

Hekapoo:

Shut up...

Queen Eclipsa:

[to Star] Listen kid, I don’t think you understand the sheer magnitude of your request. Realm travelling is a life-changing experience that can really mess up your mind, and honestly: I don’t wanna take the blame for contribute on your own self-destruction. Please try to understand me.

Star:

But, you’re the only one who knows the spell to do it. Look: this is not about me being morbidly curious or anything like that, I need to know because the love of my life was absorbed by a giant spiral of magic that took him away to another realm and I want to get him back, please...

Queen Eclipsa:

And how did you know he was absorbed into another realm?

Hekapoo:

Because it was absorbed along with the Espercrystal.

Queen Eclipsa:

The Espercrystal?! Oh God, not again...

Star:

Did you know about the Espercrystal?

Queen Eclipsa:

Yes I do, and let me give you some advice: If you do this, I swear to God you’ll regret every single second of your entire existence, so be smart and stay out of the realms.

Star:

But you don’t understand… [gets on her knees] the thing is: I’m pregnant with this boy’s child, I found it out just a few weeks before he disappeared, but I couldn’t tell him in time… and who knows? maybe if I had told him about my baby, he wouldn’t sacrifice himself to save us from that evil crystal and its evil powers, so every time I think about him, I see myself carrying the weight of his loss for the rest of my life, so please… just give me this opportunity, that’s all I ask for.

Queen Eclipsa:

[sniffing] Oh, that is just so sad… but life’s a bitch kid, you’ll just have to learn to live with it.

Star:

Oh, come on!!! I’ll do anything you want me to do… [makes a puppy face] Pleeease...

Queen Eclipsa:

[moved] Aw, I hate when they make that face. Okay, I’ll tell you what you want to know.

Star:

[standing up] Hooray!

Queen Eclipsa:

However… I want something in return.

Star:

Oh, you want more chocolate bars? No problem, I’ll just take these bars left over here and...

Queen Eclipsa:

I’m not talking about chocolate bars. What I want in return… is to be free.

Hekapoo & Rhombulus:

WHAT?!!!

Queen Eclipsa:

That’s right: no freedom, no secret. Simple as that.

Rhombulus:

Forget about it Eclipsa, princess Butterfly will never agree to set free someone as dangerous as…

[Star grabs Rhombulus arm and uses it to unfreeze Eclipsa’s entire body]

Rhombulus:

Hey, that’s my arm!

Queen Eclipsa:

[giving Star a pat on the head] Now, that’s a good girl, and because I’m a woman of my word, I’ll tell you the secret you want to know...

[Eclipsa whispers the secret on Star’s ear. Star simply gasps as she hears it]

Queen Eclipsa:

And that’s basically all you need to know. Now, If you excuse me: I have some unfinished business I have to attend, so… arrivederci… [flies away]

Rhombulus:

[following her] Hey, get back here… [leaves the scene]

Hekapoo:

So... what did she tell you? Star?

[Star stares into space for a few seconds, then she looks at Hekapoo]

Star:

The wand. We gotta get it back.

MARCO VS. THE FORCES OF LOVE - EPISODE 18: WAKING ECLIPSA

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mirceakitsune · 7 years

Text

Biggest internet censorship scheme ever attempted (Digital Economy Bill)

I believe at this very hour, I'm finally able to gather my thoughts on certain matters enough to write a coherent journal about them. Something I wouldn't have been able to do during the rest of the day, after having come across the shit I was about to witness. As usual I will be cross-posting this on all of my profiles, in hopes that people will be able to offer some insight that might snap me back to sanity.

So as my watchers know, I frequently make journals discussing emerging threats against online freedom, namely when big censorship initiatives are launched by governments and corporations. I broadly discussed SOPA around 5 years ago when it almost happened, I talked about issues like art being criminalized as a means of gun safety, and more. What I want to discuss today however, makes the famous SOPA / ACTA look like an absolute joke, as they were nothing compared to something that's happening right in our days.

http://theregister.co.uk/2017/01/20/lords_slam_untrammelled_data_sharing_powers_in_digital_economy_bill http://independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/porn-digital-economy-bill-age-verification-law-house-of-commons-parliament-a7445086.html http://arstechnica.co.uk/tech-policy/2017/01/digital-economy-bill-govt-seeks-to-bypass-eu-law-with-porn-blocking-filters/ http://edri.org/the-uk-digital-economy-bill-threat-to-free-speech-and-privacy/

Meet the only legal initiative in a democracy capable of rivaling China's internet censorship system: The UK's Digital Economy Bill. This piece of dystopian science fiction brought to life, which literally feels like reading a news terminal in a game of DeusEx, is a plan to censor the internet unlike anything we've seen here in Europe and America. I'm not even sure where I can begin with it, but I guess the starting point would be as follows:

The UK government wants complete control over what kinds of websites its citizens may visit. ISP's will be forced to block any website in the world that's deemed bad by the regime, including all overseas websites that don't obey to its new program (Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, etc). Now I know what you might be thinking: "Yeah, we know... copyright and all that". Nope... this is not about copyright at all! Hold on to your computer chairs, because here comes the real reason behind this entire madness: Porn. Yep... the biggest censorship scheme ever seen in the occident is about to unfold for the purpose of blocking god damn internet porn! There will be two categories: Porn deemed indecent by the state, which is to be blocked for all citizens... as well as any kind of porn, which is to be blocked exclusively to the mentally apartheid (also known as "everyone under the age of 18"). An institution that handles ratings for DVD's will be given the responsibility of being the 21th century's religious police, deciding what kind of media is moral and who should be arrested for watching heretic content... similarly to China which has an institution tasked with video game and film censorship, in case something might be bothering the CCP and spreading occidental values.

Before I continue with this trainwreck, there are a few things I want to clarify regarding my stance: First I know that certain people out there want to say "Aaaahaha you're pissed that the government might be banning the sick porn you watch, serves you right". If by any chance someone reading this journal is one of those idiots, though even I doubt it, I'm complaining about the idea the approach and the precedent being created. I couldn't care less whether it's about porn or anything else... and by the way the law also contains much of SOPA, such as criminalizing websites that even talk about copyright infringement in a manner deemed as "aiding the enemy" (such as speaking about links or IP addresses). What's happening is a variety of abuses:

1. A gruesome attack on people's freedoms and liberties in general.

2. An unprecedented attempt at internet control and censorship over the last two decades, as far as any country considered the 1st world goes.

3. A call for going back to the medieval age, relatable to when people were arrested and chained for allegedly promoting ideas deemed ungodly by the religious police.

4. Bone-chilling ignorance and lack of understanding of how the internet works, and what side effects this initiative might have worldwide.

5. Shocking ignorance about the importance of privacy and data security on the internet, granted they want some sort of internet-wide age verification system.

6. What strongly looks like the imposition of a fanatical purist ideology. I'll take the liberty of comparing this to the Chinese cultural revolution, when books promoting undesired ideas were burnt and artists dragged away in chains. Once again, using porn as an excuse makes absolutely zero difference in this regard, grow out of your bubble if this is how dense you are!

7. All of the above is for an absolutely ridiculous reason, which makes it all the more hallucinating: Banning god damn porn on the internet... in year 2017 when no sane person gives a shit about this sort of thing! If a parent still cares about this crap, they can easily install censorship software on their kids device or request the service from their ISP... what the hell? It's as if a bunch of people were teleported from the victorian age, seized control of the state, and are about to bring back the papal government and the guillotine because no one's yet told them that times have changed and that would be stupid.

Now no, I'm not from the UK myself. If I was British, granted multiple things that are happening there right now... either I'd have fled the country and would be sleeping on the streets of a civilized EU city where I'd feel safe, either I'd be floating in a river with a note attached to my neck, either I'd be on the 6 o'clock news for opening fire on the government building and the Tories infesting it (the least likely of options). I will never the less offer condolences to everyone who lives there... because the fascism taking place back there is worthy of such, and I'm legitimately sorry for everyone there who has to deal with these psychopaths. Never the less, I too have reasons to be concerned about some things, as do all of us:

1. This is all happening in a place that was (and technically still is) part of the European Union, which is supposedly the 2nd beacon of democracy alongside America. This madness hasn't started in Africa or South Korea or the Philippines or some other developing country, where the news would be less of shock: The UK is considered a developed country and a world leader, like France or Germany or the US! If a world leading country threatens to take down a whole portion of the internet and endorse identity theft, literally over a fit of medieval rage... who's to say other governments won't lose their minds and start doing god knows what? This is a fail for humanity and progress as a whole, which in and of itself is despicable.

2. What they're doing may affect websites worldwide, not just those in the UK! Any site that has NSFW material can be demanded to adhere to their moral code and steal people's ID, otherwise it may be banned in the UK altogether. Places like Furaffinity for instance will either have to censor new types of art deemed immoral by the Tory cult, or the website will be blocked by the Great Firewall of the UK... in which case I hope it's the later, as much as I feel horrible for any UK furs who will wake up to find it and other art websites gone one morning.

3. Several groups I'm part of are targeted and affected. And no I don't feel that this applies just to things that may be considered of sexual nature: It can at face value, but in the long run it extends to more. Ideology filtering comes to mind, in terms of what might follow next... just thinking about the people who must have proposed such a thing makes the "A Brick in the Wall" music video pop to mind.

There was more I felt like going into, but I figure this is enough for one journal. Ironically I found out about the whole thing while searching for something comparatively less bad: I was looking at how US authorities now want to demand passwords for phones and social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, etc) for non-citizens entering the country... another hallucinating violation of people's privacy, which I didn't even believe could be real until recently. I was actually going to complain about that instead, but after what I heard about the UK I realized that's nothing in comparison.

All I can add is that, I'm extremely worried about the future in general: A world just like the dark scifi movies is coming... where armed troop sit at every corner and point a rifle to your head as you walk by, cameras are on every pole and you're just waiting for a system error to cause a turret to shoot at you, whereas the internet is centralized through one institution and you need a pass from the government to even use it. The city we see in the beginning of Half-Life 2 (less for the aliens roaming the place) will probably be a reality soon... and if it will, it will likely start in the UK. Oh... and if I had the power to register extremist groups responsible for spreading terror among people, believe me the Tories would be officially on it right now.

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