#so we have things like this that are like. nbd y'know. hell I'd probably apologize if it was anyone else

[tiddykittylikesskittles]

My mom will be taking a nap in the living room with her HEADPHONES ON. and my dad will glare at me if I take a single step into the kitchen.

#drinking cold (hot) chocolate because apparently using the electric kettle is too much noise #it's not even that he was concerned it'd wake her up it's that both him and my mom default to staring me down like i killed someone #even when they're like. mildly annoyed. #it doesn't help that i panic when they do this but that's not exclusively on them #like could they chill out occasionally. could they do that for me #their child #i guess not #my dad didn't even know if it'd wake her up. this isn't me using the kettle knowing it could wake her up #it seems pretty likely to me that it wouldn't but neither of us know for sure #I'm 18 years old I'm pretty sure i can assess that risk for myself thanks #he's ALWAYS LIKE THIS too. you make the SLIGHTEST noise while my mom is napping and you will face the consequences. #even though she could sleep through a tornado #i just. ouuuuugh it feels so patronizing and harsh and unnecessary. it also makes me want to cry #like i get to a point. where I'm like maybe my dad isn't that bad. and then he reminds me he has the temper of a thousand suns #and he does NOT think I'm allowed to be upset about it ever. even when it's stupid #and i feel so upset and angry but mostly i feel scared. i feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop #and any second someone's gonna scream their head off at me or take away my shit etc #and this is like such a tiny thing but i spend all my time around people who i don't like and am beholden to and it really grates on me #so we have things like this that are like. nbd y'know. hell I'd probably apologize if it was anyone else #even if i believed i wasn't gonna wake anyone up #but because it's my dad. and he has spent most of my life alternating between ignoring me or screaming at me. #being protective of my mom. who is demanding and mean and selfish. #i feel like i want to cry and scream and throw something but I can't do any of that. #because it would wake my mom up and we can't fucking have that can we.