#sttephen colbert King Charles III Joe Biden

[phillipcole]

Post-AGT Appearance 1269: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert October 3

Demon Dress would have finished sixth last weekend with a little less than $3 million at the box office. It would have opened last weekend in most foreign countries it was going to be in, first in Japan, with a worldwide total of $25 million so far.

Man of my Dreams would have held at 6 last weekend. Canadian Wildfires would have fallen to 71 on the pop charts but risen to 75 country. A song from Demon Dress would have hit the top 40 last weekend, but I would have nothing to do with the lyrics or tune.

Colbert would put me on in the last 2 segments, recorded earlier in private.

Colbert: Our final guest tonight recorded his visit earlier. He has a hit song high on the charts, a film called Demon Dress doing very well, an upcoming spoken word album and more projects than most people can count. You can, because I have the smartest audience in late night television. So here's the interview I recorded earlier this evening in an undisclosed location with Phil Cole.

(Tape begins.)

Colbert: Phil, we are recording this in an underground bunker because you fear being killed. Is that true?

PBC: (Holding a stack of mail) Yes, these are death threats.

Colbert: Have you alerted the authorities?

PBC: Some of these are from the authorities.

Colbert: Why do people hate you so much/

PBC: I speak the truth.

Colbert: And the truth hurts a lot of feelings, doesn't it?

PBC: Yes, big feelings sometimes.

Colbert: First of all, you didn't participate in the Screen Actors strike.

PBC: I turned in my membership.

Colbert: That means you might not act in any more movies, except the one you produce yourself.

PBC: No one hired me anyways.

Colbert: Now you're the leader of Phillip and Cole's Variety Team.

PBC: Yes.

Colbert: And the team got a little smaller recently.

PBC: Yes, the Ranting 109-Year-Old Man is no longer ranting.

Colbert: But you have an album coming.

PBC: Yes, The Ranting old Man's best Routines comes out November 15.

Colbert: Now Demon Dress is a big hit, but you have another movie on the way, right?

PBC: Yes, January 12 Miley Cyrus becomes The Toad Woman of Tennessee.

Colbert: What's that about?

PBC: She plays a singer.

Colbert: She should be good at that.

PBC: Yes, after her singing and acting career start to flatline she goes into porno, specializing in tongue work. Hoping to do better she studies toads and slowly a doctor turns her into a toad woman.

Colbert: Ha ha I can't wait to see that.

PBC: Everyone has to wait until January 12.

Colbert: Now the other night on a different show you made a bold statement about the next Presidential election.

PBC: Yes.

Colbert: Would you like to repeat it, or extend it maybe.

PBC: Yes, our country can not survive another Donald Trump administration.

Colbert: He's been accused of 3 serious crimes.

PBC: Yes, and for at least one of them he is definitely guilty and the charge should be treason!

Colbert: So instead of putting him back in...

PBC: Anyone paying attention can see that Joe Biden is not the antidote. So please, Republicans and Democrats, choose one of the good candidates. Voters please also consider the Libertarian candidate. I'm trying hard to find the party a good one this time.

Colbert: So that's why you're recording this in an underground bunker, right?

PBC: Yes.

Colbert: Now, every time you appear on our show you eliminate one of the top 10 suspects about the last name that makes your colleague Phillip sick. Last Friday Senator Diane Feinstein passed away. Was she perhaps the last name?

PBC: No!

Colbert: That's emphatic.

PBC: I told her to retire in 2018, knowing she couldn't finish the term, but as far as I know, no one on the team ever found her particularly offensive.

Colbert: now let's look at the top 10 list of suspects. It starts with Nancy Pelosi, then people like Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Vladimir Putin all the way down to tenth place Harvey Weinstein. Which one are you going to eliminate tonight?

PBC: King Charles III.

(Tape ends.)

Colbert: After the break Phillip and Cole's Variety Team tells us what they think of King Charles III. Stay tuned.

#sttephen colbert King Charles III Joe Biden