#sure. grief is love preserving. but it will never explode the way achilles' did had it not been mixed with guilt

[elvesofnoldor]

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#mae overshares #i went to bed at around 3am and woke up at 7am. and i thought abt t//soa and i got really sad and i couldn't fall back to sleep again #im not supposed to feel this restless and awake with only three hours of sleep to show for #it was like going to bed with a sniffle and running nose. hoping it'd go away and wake up with a throbbing sore throat instead #next time i read a sad story again im not doing it alone. i gotta get it out of the system before it festers like this #but since ive done it alone. now im on tumblr dot com again. acting like a depressed clown of very little talents with words #i just...i had hope it wasn't going to be this bad. like. i knew the story of achilles and patroclus. it was common knowledge #and while i was still early on the story. when they were still at chiron's rose quartz cave. i kept telling myself 'remember they had this' #not everyone gets to grow up and live the most content and simple life with the love of your life. and they had that. and thats enough #what happened after this. is just life. with the mistakes. regrets and losses it will inevitably bring to them. as it did to everyone else #and it STILL hurt like a motherfucker when i read to the end of the novel. i feel very silly. it's a YA novel. doesnt seem to be worth it #there is so much i want to talk about in regards to the story. in regards to achilles' pride and selfishness #and how he's the real culprit behind his love's death. and how it is that knowledge and the pain it produces that drove him to madness #no sane person can handle so much pain and so much anger. it had to go somewhere. so it went to hector. it was pitiful #sure. grief is love preserving. but it will never explode the way achilles' did had it not been mixed with guilt #but anyways. it's been said a thousands times over. by other people. probably. i wouldn't elaborate further. nobody is reading anyways #i actually started reading t//soa because i couldn't keep reading lotr trilogy. that's what ive come to say. actually #now that everybody's stopped reading i can say it. im more embarrassed by the fact that i was not enjoying lotr #than i am by the fact that im emotionally devastated over a YA novel. im supposed to be tolkien fan #but you know what i love most about the stories tolkien produced? the legends left only in sketches and few lines of words #the ones left only in few broken manuscripts. in verses of lays of beleriand. in few lines of scribbled words. the elder days #as a child i always loved high tales. when i got annoyed at greek gods' cruelty and selfishness that's around the time i turned tolkien #the hobbits and their quaint way of life are fine. but they live in a time where all the tales i cared about are in the distant past #i just picked up t//soa at a time when i wanted a story like it. taking the matter of ancient songs and legends and make it flesh and blood #there are several tolkien fics i had in the planning stage. but the reasons i wanted to write them is because i want stories like t//soa #sure reading t//soa also inspired me to make improvements to my own story idea. it always happened when i read a story i really like #i started daydreaming my own manuscript. i instinctually started to imitate the style and the voice of the author #idk. maybe this time something substantial will come out of it. eventually.