#tgis is so fucked i actually . have gotta swinf at him for this . let me fist fight him .

[29121996]

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#trying to . not smoke to cope w these feeling isnuh . Not fun i . #i cannot describe it icfeel pathetic and insane ohh my god . #im still more uoswt over losing him than i am over my best friend n that is not gonna make . me not giggle a lil #anyway ! cannot do tgis i want a refund on the last 2yrs bc what the everloving fuck. #2022 feels like a fever fucking dream. how thebfuck didnall of that take plaxenonly 2yrs ago #n how didni end up here . #ANYWAY . i hate this feeling i hate everything sbt this n ik im supposed.to find . some goodness in it #and i AM . like . there is a lot of goof that has come from this. but . if there isnt this almost permenant ache that #i literally cant get rid of . used tocscoff at ppl who said that it could feel like going from feel whole to #feeling like a piece is missing bc how how can one Person do that . but like i do get it :/ #its so sick n twisted . like i have Two options rlly . n i have to choose one bc i have no other choice rlly . but #i am gritting my teeth . while i do it bx it isnt lesseninf and is only getting Worse Somehow ! #i thought time was supposed tocmake it better n . i thoughy time was supposed toclessen the intensity of #wtv the fuck THIS is . but NO . how the fuck am i supposed tovgo the rest of my life like this #n k ik one day at a time it wont always feel like this . but what if it does. i could actually kms fromcthat idea #tgis is so fucked i actually . have gotta swinf at him for this . let me fist fight him . #i say that as if je ciuldnt kill me Immediately . but . let me fist fight him bx i cant do much else !!! im in a box !!!! n im terrified !!! #i went away and expected it to feel Less . but no. it somehow was Stronger and . more evil #string theory or wtv u wanna call it . idk were fucking tied tgth n some shape or form . bc how #else am i to explain tje weird pyschological tinglings i get other than spiritual bullshiy i am Going Crazy fr . #pyschward me atp. beinf aober isnt helping - but smoking doesnt either i am gonna kill him fr. #and then myself and pray shits different next lifetime. it would absolutely be funny to add murder tocour karma #bx this isnt our first rodeo tgth. weve done this dancd before in another lifetime . sickening. #anyway add murder karma to it ! why the fuck not ! #im kidding obvioisly. i coildnt murder anyone .