#that takes fifty fucking hours to do just to communicate with allistics that its fine and im not upset at them personally

[readymades2002]

the thing is i feel like /i/ can read tone pretty well but no one can read my unaffected tone as anything but pissy and then i immediately validate their reading of that tone by getting pissy!!!!!!!! like okay i wasnt mad before but now i’m mad!!!! are you happy!!!

#pissy is the word my mom ALWAYS uses its so. its so demeaning i HATE when she says that to me #the problem is if i stop doing my usual stupid 'ohohoh i am so pleasant and charming and eager to help! i am at your service! #i am so funny and i have a funny shape! don't kill me okay look how chipper i am!' thing i always do and just. act normally #it usually IS because im too worn out to pretend anymore and thus i do get angrier easier because guess what i am always mad #it doesnt help that i am still upset with her specifically for SOOOOO many reasons i can never get into #she was like 'hmph...well i thought you were annoyed because you didnt want to do this thing so i said i could do it #and you got all pissy and stormed off i would have let you do it if you asked -_-' #when LITERALLY. THE LITERAL THING I SAID TO HER. WAS 'can you please just let me do this on my own' #I SAID EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT. FOR ONCE. i was not passive i was not avoidant i literally literally literally asked exactly what i wanted #and she interpreted it IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE WAY. #and also NO YOU FUCKING WOULDNT she would have just hovered over my shoulder the whole time like she always does #because she doesnt consider me capable of fucking anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #no im mad again i literally said i LITERALLY said i wanted to do it alone that is explicitly what i asked her to do #to let me do it alone and she REPEATED THOSE WORDS BACK TO ME and still said 'so obviously i thought you were mad #because you didn't want to do it and you thought i was making you do it' #NO IM PISSED AGAIN. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!! #IM SO FUCKING MAD!!!!!! I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY FUCKING BLUNTER. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO #if i had done my giggle teehee well i can actually handle this just fine on my own thanks though its so nice of you to ask thing #that takes fifty fucking hours to do just to communicate with allistics that its fine and im not upset at them personally #instead of just GETTING THINGS DONE because its RUDE to do that i guess then she'd be fine with it #or so she says. god. god. how am i supposed to fucking communicate with literally anyone on this earth