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#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor
noxtivagus
ยท
1 year
Text
i shld sleep oh my god
#๐.rambles
#i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n
#i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_
#gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff
#just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i
#end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade
#i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom
#fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything.
#sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all
#i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol
#i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want
#without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control
#if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do?
#sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too
#but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down
#bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family
#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor
#but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too
#i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though
#from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down
#n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still
#yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for
#her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side
#bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny
#hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers
#shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like
#the stuff i wrote last year ๐ but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful
#maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically.
#like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n.
#be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah
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