#thats what irrational fear does to a guy ig :(

[autism-corner]

im actually very glad it rained a bit tonight =w=b

#friends bday party was 40min. bike ride away through a sometimes-entirely-not-lit path through some fields. #also i went back just after midnight. the 40 min. ride through entire darkness. #alright the lighting wasnt that bad in most places but there certainly was a bit without any streetlights <3 #it was all good tho i totally survived =w=bb i even had fun. #the few times i do 'heavy' stuff like this i find to actually really enjoy it somewhy. #ig i like it but doing stuff like this spontaneously is hard. #sillyposting #anyway back to why im glad it rained: clouds. #i am not totally over my fear of a starry night. something about the openness and emptyness and stars etcetc is just triggering to me. #i am better now but thats mostly because im not yearly going to campsites where theres way less lightpollution aka bright skies. #anyway i think i would be fine with clear skies but it certainly wouldnt be pleasant.... #lemme tell you the bit of actual sky i did see sure looked nice but was already a little triggering. #its such a shame because its sosososo pretty but :/ #thats what irrational fear does to a guy ig :( #also this same fear makes it hard for me to just look at pictures of space. idk why. #argh. #talk about the irony of liking belphie huh.