#the constant divagation that made you cry at night for no reason

[consciouschunkofmoss]

.

#theres always those little details about your childhood that stick to your mind you later on figure out to be a huge deal actually #theres always those lingering feelings from when you were young that haunt your actions and ways of thinking to this very day #but you never question that #because to you its normal #figuring out that many many things that happened in my head are maybe. just maybe not that normal makes me feel insane #and i hate myself for not having the right words to use #but i dont know how longer i can deal with my own bullshit without feeling like both a complete fucking liar and a total stranger #living a whole life with the constant paranoia of being watched #passing through years of school feeling so disconnected you cant bear a single class without any external and constant outlets #otherwise without those outlets not even having control over your own fucking body and what happened to it while you were out #or whatever other term there might be #randomly bursting into tears because your mind by sheer force made you think about things you werent even a slightest bit fond of #spending such long periods of time trying to tell if what you were living was an actual thing or just purely fabricated #dreading the times at which you just had no agency over your own spiraling thoughts when getting even if slightly upset #just completely not knowing if what you were going through was a real thing or just a dream (past memories being even more messy) #the constant pressure and fog wrapped around your brain #all the stress you had to deal with solely for not being able to tell so clearly as the others your age what was really present or not #the constant divagation that made you cry at night for no reason