#the crows outside. the mice i trap. the roadsides i clear of litter in spring. the crick. the eagles again. the way they've rebounded

[july-19th-club]

when i was a kid the church songs i gravitated twoards were definitely always the ones like "how great thou art" and "on eagle's wings" - basically anything that mentioned the natural world or a cool animal. songs of faith and tradition did nothing for me, amazing grace was a nothing song, the bread of life was a NOTHING song. but a voice crying out in the wilderness? oh?? say more

and then they dont say more. and you have to figure out whether you believe regardless. and that's what religion is

#this sounds like pessimism but i swear it's not it's just a religious breakthrough i had driving to work yesterday #it's soo much easier to believe in religion when you know it's fake. that doesnt make sense #what i mean is: with christianity. the expectation is that it will Return somehow . he died but he'll be back #if he'd died and stayed dead and there was never any expectation of his return. he'd be easier for me to believe in #does that make sense #because he's not this nebulous future state. he's gone and we'll never know anything else. but the things which are sacred to the god #those still remain #the crows outside. the mice i trap. the roadsides i clear of litter in spring. the crick. the eagles again. the way they've rebounded #that's real and i believe in it and it is sacred . and i can do something tangible about that and that's worship #towards a unified theory of my own spiritual believes - finally - because i remembered what i was on the verge of believing when i was 13