#thefuturesblue
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Right, definitely no apocalypse gags this time, OK?
After last year’s tempting-the-wrath-of-the-thing-high-atop-the-the-thing preview of 2020 [https://tmblr.co/Zc96bk2mu5KfH], this year Plunger are steering clear of end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it predictions and sticking purely with nailed-on, dead-bang, copper-bottomed certainties within the UK independent music scene over the next 12 months…
Nostalgia - with things having been so grim, a hankering for better, simpler times will see every artist on the scene record new material (i.e. old songs you like better in their original version) with the Borussiamunchengladbacher Dontfrightenthehorsestra (winners of the Ovaltine Battle Of The Blands 1997, 98, 00 & 03) for an authentic Girl-From-Ipanema-Takes-A-Walk-In-The-Black-Forest-Diddy-David-Hamilton-Family-Choice-‘Hmm, this has a beat you can dance to!’-stylee vibe.
Gigs being a bit crap - After a year of no gigs at all, literally everyone in the country still with a pulse is going to hit those things like never before: to live, to love, to laugh: to dance like no-one’s looking... and to bellow inanities to each other like no-one’s playing, just so they can tell you how life affirming an experience it all was on social media.
Genregeddon - admittedly this has been coming for some years (as any blues purist will tell you […at considerable length]) but the idea of a band/artist/track being of a certain genre will cease to exist, making recent bad acid trip happenings like DEATHBLASTDOOMMETAAAAAAAALLLLL!!! magazine reviewing some easy listening crooner, and people nominating someone whose music sounds like Blackie Lawless assaulting a cat with a chainsaw as Country/Americana artist of the year while maintaining a straight face seem like ‘the good old days’.
Radio killed the radio star - the death of radio has been announced (falsely) many times in the past but 2021 is the finally year nobody bothers to tune in. This is because every single person on the planet will all be too busy preparing the playlist and bantz for their own shows (coming in your ears on Clitheroe 107.9 FM - Ribble Valleys’ #2 most popular station) to listen to anyone else’s.
Care in the Facebook Community - in a rare example of government/internet giant cooperation, NHS Mental Health Services will be granted automatic access to the many ‘fan-only’ Facebook groups, after the publication of a National Establishment for Researching Knowledge (NERK) report showing conclusively these were an almost perfect aggregation of the national population of mouth-breathers, knuckle-draggers, obsessive stalkers and delusional fantasists since asylums were shut down.
Happy 2021!
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Review schmeview, Plunger give you 2020 vision
You don’t need to be told what happened over the last 12 months, instead let Plunger tell you what next year will bring. Since everyone these days seems to feel that dystopia is just around the corner, Plunger bring you their very own Minority Report preview of the blues world in 2020…
Blues Survivors - following the annihilation of the scene in the capital the flight from the cities will continue, as blues artists return to the land, living in ramshackle lean-tos and shanties, grubbing a living from irradiated manglewurzels and mutated potatoes. Or ‘the lovely audience’ as they will henceforth be known.
The Hunger Blues - with the divide between the generations increasingly stark, the overfed, rich and jaded old will entertain themselves by pitting younger and younger blues artists against each other with the faint promise of money, food, and glory if they perform well enough… and survive!
84 Blues- following the rise to supremacy of UKBLU, their Thought Police will hunt offenders down for daring to consider Joe Bonamassa “alright”, and the Ministry Of Blues will maintain the iron rules of Bluespeak, where ‘Passable’ is ‘Fabulous’, ‘Amateur’ is ‘Professional’, and ‘Harmonicas’ are ‘Musical Instruments’. Oh, and ‘One Of The Best’ has literally no meaning whatsoever. Big Boy Brother will be watching you.
Soylent Blue - the exponential rise of the blues musician population will bring terrible overcrowding, resulting in a desperate day-to-day struggle to find a sufficient space and resources for themselves, ending in the horrific revelation that the only solution is for one band to eat another and another in a chilling orgy of collaboration cannibalism.
Fahrenheit 251 - in a strictly controlled and homogenised scene, teams of ironically named ‘Bluesmen’ will tour the country searching out deviant albums that offend against The Blues Commandments in order to ‘make them safe’. The title comes from the melting point of a CD.
Blues Runner - in a seemingly perpetual rainstorm, hordes of almost-human plastic replicants will pervade the scene: dextrous, efficient and able to mimic the behaviours of those around them, but without any emotions or understanding. A handful of coolly-dressed mavericks will attempt to identify and terminate them… largely unsuccessfully.
The Day After Tomorrow - modern civilisation as we know it will come to an end under the relentless onslaught of wave after wave of New Waves of things.
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