#them and their stupid 4d mental chess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jams-sims · 2 years

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The vibe Melinda gave off at the end was that she realize she just met someone who is naive and stupid strong. Who clearly knows nothing about her, and that gets her engines going. (Like legit I read her face as someone who was turned on but not so much in a sexual nature) Everyone saying it looks like she was holding back laughter. It looks like to me she was trying to hold onto her mask and keep it together. I think, she wants Anya and Damien to be friend just so she can keep Yor around.

A women who doesnt know who she is, doesnt suck up to her for some potical gain, is honest and strong to a fault. In melinda eyes she probably hit the fucking jack pot of people. Yor whole character is based on gut feeling and emotions. While everyone else is play 5d chess. Yor over here exited about the different styles the pieces comes in. And thats not a bad thing but it means people can use her.

Yor feels so isolated and alone because everyone else wants to hide shit. While she is just an open book, expect for the killing people bit. She hardly touches on that, like that so seperate from who she is everyday that the Yor we see is who she is.

Melinda makes me worried but not too worried because I feel like, Melinda is ready to play the longcon.

The person who makes me worried the misy is the Shopkeeper. You can kinda use him as a frame/comparison to how he raised Yor to how Desmonds are rasing Damien. He was hands off when it came to her life outside of killong. But when it came to everything else he was very invovled. How else would she be a notorious Assassin from the secret group known as the garden. Franky even talks about them the first couple of chapters.

Yor ask him if she can get married he says yes. She ask if she can make friends with Melinda and he says yes BUT warns her. Then preks up when he hears where Loid maybe poitically leaning. This man hunts down and kills consertatives that like a red ping on his radar. Thats not good!

But let me back it up a little before I get into the the fucking nightmare it must be to have the shopkeeper now be interested in Yor outside life, and adress Yor need to ask for premssion to do things such as get married and have friends. The married one is easy, the shopkeeper is kinda like her dad and boss. It would be nice to have his blessing. You can tell she feels very differently about the Shopkeepers opinon. The premission about friends feels more guided towards a daughter asking her dad for advice and also Melinda is higher postion in society and that should be something you tell your assassian boss your doing so if something fucked up happens down the line he can prepare for it.

That all being said I also think he just raised Yor to be painfully honest with him. Just for the simple fact Yor can't lie. And what I mean is Loid lies all the time and is very good at it. Hes a spy he has to be, Yor legit can't do it. The first lie she ever says is to her brother and all she said was she forgot and the only reason it worked is cause her brothers a dumbass who loves her. No one knows she a assassian so she doesn't have to talk about it.

Prefect example the "Cruise Arc" Yor tells Loid she working. And because Yor is always honest and never lies. Loid never looks any deeper and guess what the people around her also confrims she is "working". All the heavy lifting in the lie department relies on other people.

This is probably how the shopkeeper raised Yor. It easier for her to be honest than it is for her to try and be sneaky. But also by the time you get to trying to ask questions shes already slit your throat. Which means there no need for her to waste the mental energy of playing 4D chess with everyone else. She will just eat the pieces.

If we take all that and go back up to him perking up st the mention of Loids potical veiws. He takes everything Yor says as facts, she would never lie to him. The fear comes in is if Yor honesty makes the Shopkeeper look into Loid. Because the Shopkeeper seems proactive and if theres any scent of Loid being a threat. He will kill him, of course Yor will object but we've already seen that he may look dolice and old but he still can fight.

The shopkeeper is more of a immediate threat and thats what makes him scary. Yeah Melinda and Desmond are up to some shit but they arent gonna pull any tricks right away. The shopkeeper legit has one of his best assassians in the house, he has more skin in the "game" so to speak.

#sxf #spy x family #spy x family manga #spyxfamily #spy x family spoilers #sxf chapter 66

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drbased · 1 year

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Pulling myself out of a symbolic state of mind has been a bittersweet journey, but in doing so I found true awe and reverance for my place in reality - in a way that's very hard to put into words.

For years my actions were 'meaningful' because they were part of a narrative - I would do something I was 'supposed' to do and thus be 'rewarded' by the 'universe' (in a way very much inspired by the mode of thinking popularised by the book 'The Secret' - either my mum has read this book or something inspired by it, because I grew up surrounded by this new-age thinking). This understanding of what life was made life exciting and mysterious, but also fundamentally safe, and was like emotional/mental crack for an ex 'gifted student' such as myself. I could, in essence, keep making 'correct' decisions my entire life and be continuously rewarded, as if life were a school and everything were a test. When things went wrong, instead of confronting the true nature of reality I would simply decide I was on the wrong path and had to get myself back on the right track. The 'right track' was simply governed by how much I was enjoying myself being there.

Under this reality, my understanding of cause and effect was, a you would imagine, ultimately shot to shit. I was never forced to face the burden of true responsibility for my actions. I treated luck as a reward for good behaviour. I treated bad luck as a sign that I needed to learn a lesson about 'life'. I was, in effect, emotionally stunted in a way that I felt 'above' reality itself - but also, I felt deeply, deeply vulnerable to the whims of the universe. You see, not a single one of my decisions was ever actually for the benefit of me, the actor in this story. I did things to receive a reward, and therefore I never understood the true value of why humans make decisions. I looked down on people who take stupid chances, knowing full well I lacked the bravery to ever risk anything for myself. Risk was out of the question, so knowing my true potential was out of the question; why push myself when all I need to do is look out for the next sign from the universe as to where I should go and what I should do?

I was, in essence, acting as sheep to the universe's shepherd; a perpetual child with no father god; held in line by the whims of a universe with an understanding of reality as fundamentally secondary to the true reality of the 'grand plan'.

This is the symbolic state of mind; there becomes a reality more important than you, than the people you love, than the birds singing in the trees. It is not good that you, as a person, personally choose to experience anything and then enjoy the fruits of your labour. You're blessed with good things when you do good things, which means you may as well be replaced by a robot programmed to make the right decisions. And in many ways I tried to do that; I tried to play 4D chess with the world, martyring myself and tearing myself asunder. My head is in shambles and I couldn't understand why for years.

I have begun the process of re-acquainting myself with the concept of want. I am allowed to 'want' things regardless of whether or not they result in 'bad' consequences, and consequently I feel infinitely more human (in my worst period, I used to regularly state I felt subhuman). I understand how I demonstrate love and value of myself not of getting things right in a a nebulous way unknown to me - but rather in taking action and risk; watching as my hands create real things in the real world in which I live. And... fuck, man. I'm starting to feel alive. I don't need things as as a 'sign' that I've been rewarded; I simply enjoy and experience them for myself alone. The meaning in my life now comes from what I CHOOSE. The whole timbre of my existence has changed.

I am here!!!

#wisdom posting #about living a symbolic life #symbolic states

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raisinchallah · 3 years

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ok as someone who has been spending way too much time laughing hysterically about all this spn stuff and then gone down the rabbit hole of reading all these wild blogs im just kind of fascinated by the way theyre engaging with media in general... like honestly i cannot for the life of me understand why you would knowingly get deep into a baity relationship and then also care this much about actual confirmation like dude the story is in your hands it doesnt matter what the original intent is like its just a secret lens to view a story thru that u and a few other people know about i think what i really enjoyed about pivoting to engaging with like silly anime fandoms or honestly just like older tv shows is like because of the greater separation of the creators and the fans there are no expectations nobody is playing 4d mental chess with the creators lol this isnt to say you shouldnt critically engage with the creators i think thats a huge part of it as well but theres a biiiig difference i think when its like i will write my long rant about hating so and so vs i can @ them on twitter and expect something and honestly i think the weird lack of separation of creators and fandom usually creates a more reverent fandom than a critical one so honestly i think its just better to have that kind of distance because its also like you really shouldnt be constantly looking for confirmation or couching all your theories and analysis so deeply in canon that it going a different way is like world shattering to you and also its just a kind of boring way to look at something in the first place.... this is all very long and stupid thank u for bearing with me as i discuss something that literally does not matter <3

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