#then they go hm okay i am thinking of a number between 1 and 5151 can u guess what it is and i go yeah probably :(

[readymades2002]

all being institutionalized even did is make it impossible to ever be honest with a doctor ever again like wow thank u thank u so much ^_^ i am not any better and i no longer think its possible to find a solution in staying alive but i do get nauseous when i see graham crackers now so thats very cool thank u 

#like it is impossible to talk about the Depth of how...bad the brain chemistry is because if i start to get into it #then they go hm okay i am thinking of a number between 1 and 5151 can u guess what it is and i go yeah probably :( #the first time i was in there they refused to let me go twice once after the obligatory 3 days and once after a week had passed #and both times it just broke me and i couldnt even be broken because they would take it as a sign i wasnt ready to leave #and its like leave WHAT youre not DOING anything!!!!!!!!!!!! #thinking about the people i was in with too its like they didnt do anything for us in there and they didnt do anything outside #like you hold it together long enough to get approved for outpatient what then? #you get dropped back into an abusive relationship or a transphobic household you get dropped back into poverty #you get dropped back into dating a 30 year old man you get dropped back into a life you dont want to live #a nurse recognized me when i came back and was just chipper about seeing me again and its like oh my god it never ends does it #nightmare...nightmare...nightmare