#theres not even like. A Thing. it's 2800 million little things

[silvaurum]

havin a week/few days where i think: i deserve a fucking nobel peace prize and a congressional medal of honor for not being the biggest bitch in the whole wide world to everyone right now

#theres not even like. A Thing. it's 2800 million little things #i'm not even mad at. no that's a lie i am mad at a very few specific people who are not on tumblr #but more just triggered. ptsd wise. only ive healed so much that the fight/flight/fawn/freeze response keeps coming up 'kill' i mean fight. #while also being healed enough to fully recognize that the temporary anger i'm feeling and urge to lash out physically doesn't reflect my #actual issue wouldn't solve anything wouldn't make me feel better and isn't within my moral standards. physically hurting someone out of #everyday frustration is not it. i can fantasize about slapping the nearest jerk with a smelly trout or frothing at the mouth in rage #but does that actually productively work towards solving the problem that frustrated me? not really. there are better ways to express that. #and to actually communicate my needs. but yeah i do probably have to work on expressing that stuff bc i am a little stuck in it rn.