#theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young

[transsextual]

had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.

#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity.... #ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply #& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected #theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young #that im like #obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid . #but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking #and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up #and then try it again if i so wish #and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously #soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men #but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis . #of course im not doing it like them . #so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration #has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul. #:) #yeah . #i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah #goodnight :) #speak #materialization #ok2rb