#this chapter had such powerful moments w nao chan and mika so ofc i was a mess reading that and then mukai thoughts were my most coherent

[lesbian-kyoru]

skip and loafer chapter 55 thoughts

this chapter was so poignant but one aspect that stood out to me was all it told us about mika & mukai's dynamic so far!

mukai followed along on a whim & subsequently ended up witnessing a lot of vulnerability on mika's end, someone who he still doesn't have a good grasp on yet—after seeing her worst + being surprised by her capacity for kindness, his perception of her is continually being challenged & muddled. we've seen already how mukai is a very logical, cut & dry person in his thinking, so imo mika's Layers are both confusing & intriguing to him.

at the same time i thought it was interesting how mukai realizes that mika ALSO doesn't have a clear perception of him—though their scenes always feel very Intentional, they actually have not interacted a ton within the context of the friend group, esp given their rocky start.

so from there, we get this juxtaposition within mika & mukai's relationship where they are v unsure of each other and yet there's an odd sense of trust there. it's definitely not an ACTIVE trust, but something more peripheral; mika doesn't mind mukai being there while she talks to nao because, in her mind, mukai already knows abt this insecurity so she isn't revealing anything new to him. after opening up to nao, she apologizes to mukai for getting him caught up in her venting; despite this, it really struck me how this felt like such growth for her to simply move on rather than carrying the feeling around shamefully. it's like a weight lifts off mika's shoulders & it's cathartic for this to happen in front of mukai, who was the accidental catalyst for her confession to shima. mukai, in contrast, seems more unsure than ever.

he's puzzled to realize that mika's confession to shima wasn't fueled by a desire for reciprocation but rather the courage it took her to express her feelings openly, instead of always attempting to hide behind a facade & never experience the vulnerability in risking rejection. we know that mukai's experience of romantic confessions is almost entirely filtered through shima, since he's never been confessed to himself—and it's interesting how mika's confession to shima directly flies in the face of how negatively shima feels about being confessed to.

for shima, girls confessing to him has always been a sign of what's expected of him, people wanting something specific FROM him rather than liking him as a person—now that mukai knows how drained that makes shima feel, it's interesting that he learns mika's reasons for confessing & how they're entirely different, motivated by a desire to be brave rather than expecting something of the other person. nevertheless, this leaves mukai with a lot of conflicting thoughts in his head about how a confession should make you feel. again, he's very logical, so the ambiguity is confusing to him! (and all of us honestly)

but then, back at the house, we see mika through mukai's point of view—she shoots him a look!—at which point he decides that he couldn't think of being confessed to as "not that great." i'm just gonna let that sit there :)

so with that!! i loooooved all this chapter gave us to work with in the development of these characters, esp mika & mukai's dynamic!!!! with a character like mukai who spends so much time as an observer, it's so fun to see him start to actually reflect on his own point of view within the story, like he feels himself going from being the background character in everyone's lives to really developing his own outlook—and it's all thanks to girl of all time mika egashira who inspires EVERYONE to think nine million thoughts trying to understand her.

#skip and loafer #sukirofa #mika egashira #mukai tsukasa #mikamukai #tagging for before they get famous #this chapter had such powerful moments w nao chan and mika so ofc i was a mess reading that and then mukai thoughts were my most coherent #my meta #skip and loafer meta #zoe.txt