#this is my mother taking advantage of her status to abuse me horrifically behind the scenes (oh but i'm ''spoiled'' so it doesn't count)

[sucrevere]

so much of my self worth is based on my appearance it's not even funny 😔

#can you even really blame me though when it was my whole family's envy throughout my life? #i may only be somewhat above average by global standards but by nicaraguan standards? im a giant goddess with a fine nose and beautiful #lips and good hair and lovely eyebrows and a perfect face shape who's a good weight and. most importantly *American*!!!! #the way they fucking idolize americans... not only am i a subject of interest for citizenship reasons (good fucking luck im never marrying #one of them) but also because of how ''educated'' and ''sophisticated'' they think i am. #i went to a private school over there so i speak super posh apparently with an american accent + everything else i stand out to them #they can visibly recognize me as nicaraguan... but then they cana immediately tell im ~~~special~~~ and also ~~~better~~~ than them #this is not bragging. this is me being constantly fucking objectified and being put on a pedestal #this is me being treated as an outsider while also being expected to comply with all of their standards and beliefs (bigotry) #this is me being outcasted as a child and treated as if i were spoiled and being held to higher standards for everything #this is me being pitted against all women in my family and being treated nastily by them for winning a competition i never entered #this is my mother using me as a conversation piece and upping her social status by simply being related to me #this is my mother taking advantage of her status to abuse me horrifically behind the scenes (oh but i'm ''spoiled'' so it doesn't count) #i was a lonely kid. i was a bullied kid. i was a mentally ill kid. but did any of that matter? no. only thing that did was how proper and #pretty and american i was #i try to take pride in myself now but i never could as a child. i was horrifically socially anxious and pushed into things i didnt want #allllll because of my pretty 'privilege'