#this post doesnt come across as super upset and im glad bc im not upset at myself at all but im just super fucking disappointed

[castielafflicted]

I've officially dropped out doing the pinefest. The fic I had planned and started is currently about a 6th of the way done. I don't know if I'll save it for next year's pinefest or post it sometime in 2024, but this one is important enough to me for it to definitely get finished. Trying to do the pinefest has pushed me even more into wanting to write, but also made me extra aware of how much my disabilities impact my writing. I really look forward to next year, and hope I won't run into something huge that stops me then like happened this year.

All of this fucking sucks and I'm super disappointed, but I'm not really disappointed in myself. There are obviously times I could have been writing on it that I didn't, but also I've got a bunch of various physical and mental health issues that severely impact my ability to write and to make myself do things. It's been nearly a month since I got covid, and I'm still struggling to recover. I still have shortness of breath, coughing, fatigue, and various cognitive issues. All of those things impact my already existing issues, and the fact that I'm able to get even just a little bit of writing done is great.

So overall, basically all of my writing is on the back burner at this point. Things will get written when I have the urge to write them, and at this point only one thing has a due date. The plan is to not commit to anything new with a timeline unless I can quite literally finish it before signing up, at least until I can breathe properly and sit in my chair without flaring up my back.

#zeph posting #my impulse attempt from this morning is only at a total of 492 words bc I started having Symptoms™ #that one will also be finished and either saved for a thing or posted. probably posted. #being disabled is fucking exhausting and the fact that it stops me from doing the hobbies that keep me insane is just. its a lot yknow #this post doesnt come across as super upset and im glad bc im not upset at myself at all but im just super fucking disappointed #im tired and i want to do the things i love without being in too much pain to do them #anyways. im either going to go take a nap or lay in bed and read #ive been at my laptop for too long bc i just hoped i would go back to writing but im just so fatigued