#this turned into a pseudo-meta post and I really desperately hope it doesn't draw That Crowd lmao

[optiwashere]

This is a big one for the Asheera replay.

Context if you've missed things so far: I'm replaying the game as Asheera again for a combination of inspiration, reminders of characterization, and also to solidify how Asheera feels about a lot of the major companion moments in-game. I'm also way farther than this now so I'm probably going to speed up what content the replay posts cover...

Before we get to the main event, I wanted to go over some of Asheera's high level thoughts on the companions so far!

Karlach - Fast becoming good friends. Lots of silly banter shared in camp, on the road, basically wherever. Asheera enjoys hearing Karlach's stories about Avernus whenever she's willing to share them; it gives her better perspective on her oath. To see what some would call a monster, a woman that was on the frontlines of the Blood War, and call her friend?

Lae'zel - Still tense, but Lae'zel is coming around on Asheera. Asheera respects her in combat, the crèche is still a possible cure, and she still knows more than anyone else in the party about illithids. Side note, but Lae'zel thinks the situation between Shadowheart and Asheera is pointless given their condition. It's not even physical? Why bother?

Shadowheart - Growing closer, and the rest of this post kinda goes into why. Asheera is starting to hear her faith as zealotry and that's concerning, but it's also... sad? Asheera hears in her words something that triggers the redeemer's instinct to search for more than what's on the surface. She doesn't respect Sharrans (who would?) and she wonders what lies behind the fanaticism.

Wyll - He's everything he ever said he was and more. Asheera thinks he's just a good guy, and that's honestly something she needs on her side. He's quite flirtatious too, which is a fun break from fighting. She doesn't swing that way, but it's fun watching him fumble with literally everyone in camp.

Gale - Asheera is glad that she was wrong about Gale. He really is just eccentric. Maybe a bit egotistical and prone to overexplaining himself, but he's been a decent man so far and he did explain the entire magical item eating problem pretty quickly. Being able to trust a wizard is always good!

Astarion - He's just fascinating. He's an asshole and a blowhard, but he's at least open about it. That at least gives her something to work with. The whole "pretending not to be a vampire" schtick was getting old anyways. Plus, imagine the look on her fellow paladins' faces when she tells them she actually had a chance at redeeming a vampire spawn? That's worth the effort alone.

Now. Time for Shadowheart and her "oh btw, I worship Shar" reveal. Which, you know... wasn't obvious by the armor she wears to begin with or the gigantic purple tent with Sharran iconography stitched into it. It's always good to have confirmation!

But seriously, this is a really major moment for the Asheera/Shadowheart relationship.

After Asheera hears this confession, I have to just headcanon that Shadowheart's tent doesn't have the iconography on it. Otherwise this being a "reveal" is completely lost for me. When she first mentions it, Asheera is definitely surprised. Yeah, Shadowheart can be annoyed when Asheera acts altruistically, but it's never been something that comes between them really.

She said 2 in this dialogue by the way. It's a moment where she wants to put all their cards on the table. After a somewhat long discussion, Shadowheart then says something that completely changes the tone of the conversation:

At this point, Asheera sees Shadowheart. Really, finally sees her. Not the "shield of secrecy" that she preaches blindly, mindlessly regurgitating things she's been told about Shar. Right here, she sees pain in every word that Shadowheart says about her Dark Lady. There is a purpose to it all, that's what she wants to believe.

Not the pain. None of what Shadowheart says here is actually about loss, pain, or suffering. What Shadowheart yearns for is purpose and meaning. That's all Asheera hears, and her heart breaks for this woman that she just thought was going to be a distraction during their adventure.

It's also so massive for Shadowheart's characterization for the same reason. She's so deluded that she then starts spouting propaganda that's completely and totally false...

Like, Shadowheart?

Baby?

Shar advocates for literally none of that lmao. Sharrans destroy things that aren't Sharran and call that idolatry, they worm their way into organizations with assassination and manipulation to control them, and heretics are anyone that will not accept Shar. The level of brainwashed this girl is operating on with this dialogue is wild and it remains one of my favorite convos in the game even on replay.

For Asheera, she hears the absurd self-justification in Shadowheart's words. She is almost melancholic throughout this conversation except when she's talking about Sharran ideals. Suddenly, she becomes angry. Like it's a learned response from decades of abuse to force her into the mold she's been randomly chosen to fit.

Asheera's heard zealots before. At this point, even if their situationship never becomes anything more, Asheera is convinced that she needs to know more about this woman's pain. Maybe there is a way to help her?

Side-note: Shadowheart's defensiveness towards her own abuser is so fitting that it's kinda hard to watch on replay, knowing what we know about her entire arc. "So long as it has meaning..." what if there is no meaning, Shadowheart? What if it was entirely arbitrary?

That's what Asheera's thinking during this.

Furthermore, when Asheera learns that she's had her memory deliberately suppressed — and combined with the pains from the wound on her hand — it's basically red flags galore. She's not used to dealing with someone so thoroughly... unaware of her own situation. Asheera is very much a "charge headlong into the situation" type person for the most part, even if charging means a discussion rather than a fight.

Yet Shadowheart thinks that she can have everything she ever wanted if she appeases her own abuser. Horrifying.

I find this single approval tag so fucking telling. The approval tags can sometimes be broken and multiple in one branch can be directly contradictory depending on the sort of "route" you're trying to bring a companion down, but there's no alternative approval/disapproval in these choices. Everything else is neutral, but this one touches her.

Like, at this point we all know that Shadowheart is a deeply wounded person that wants to believe in something so that she four decades of suffering was for something, but the fact that she approves of you offering to help her with her wound is so... there's an entire essay to be written there.

It's unreal. She goes on and on and on about how Sharrans must remain free of all but their love of Shar. Her (perverse, abusive) love of Shar is literally physically symbolized in the stigmata she carries.

And she approves of Asheera trying to ease that pain? I think Shadowheart rationalizes this as Asheera trying to help her be a "true" Sharran and avoid the pain altogether, but that's not what the dialogue says. Nor is it Asheera's intent. Her intent is to help her ease the pain.

Now, there's lots of ways to read Shadowheart's wound as a depiction of chronic pain, and I don't want to take that away from folks. Love that for y'all, but in "my canon" and with Asheera specifically this is a moment where Shadowheart reaches out, hand held open hoping for anything or anyone to reach back, and Asheera is the first person that doesn't swat her away in fear or call her a failure for not adhering to her religion.

She takes Shadowheart's hand willingly, ignoring all the traps and knives Shadowheart's set up to protect herself. Why was sharing everything so easy? Secrecy is supposed to be what Sharrans need, after all. Why was it so easy for someone to listen to the way she speaks and for them to say, "I'd be lying if I said [Sharran faith] didn't sound convincing."

So long as it has meaning, right?

Also, I keep forgetting to take screenshots of Asheera's Dream Visitor and since they were brought up in one of the Companion!Tav asks...

Here she is in the character creator because I think the next time I see this character they will look quite a bit different lmao. Seeing this person in her dreams doesn't startle Asheera, it's not uncommon for her to dream about this person but then this dream version of that person begins speaking strangely. It makes Asheera immediately distrustful of this thing, whatever it is, once it starts speaking freely and saying things that this person would never have said.

#oc: asheera #asheera replay posts #this turned into a pseudo-meta post and I really desperately hope it doesn't draw That Crowd lmao #this has been a neat little experiment but I'm going to move these to weekly/whenever posts so that I can focus on headcanuary + fic writin #this has been the juice I needed - some inspiration! #i'm def speeding these up in terms of content if not frequency...