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yanawildstar · 4 months

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Do you Believe in Miracle?

Every person have to love at least one bad partner in their lives to truly thankful for the right one. Before I met my hubby, I do have quite a handful of exes too.. Hehe.. My rebellious bad girl phase!!! Mostly they are great guys. I just tend to get bored easily back then and often end up asking for the break up.. I mean, hey I was young and carefree back then k, so don't judge me. At least I'm honest towards them and i don't cheat behind their back. Or worst I'm not using them for my own benefits. I do have a heart k. I do care. But not too much. I'm not 100℅ heartless bitch. Sooo.. After all those bittersweet past, somehow i tend to tell myself i have to change my mindset on relationship sooner or later. Cannot be that free wild girl.. Must think about my future.. Settle down n grow up..

So on early June 2010, when I'm still in a complicated on off relationship with F, I receive a miss call from an unknown number. I msg the no back asking who was this, since I hate talking on the phone with unknown no. It took the person a few hrs to reply, so I just forget abt the miss call. and I'm still continue with F at that point of time. soon things getting from bad to worst on mid July.. F was getting more controlling n his temper is worst. So one of those day I just had enough of his attitude n do what i shd hv done long time ago, call it quit n end the relationship with him for good. Just liddat. No hard feeling tho. Well I have to admit, I do had my "fun" moments with him but I have decided to move on.. I just can't see my future with him.. N I think that what he thinking too. So after that day onwards, remember the miss call guy?! well guess what i finally get to know him! Hehe!

We agree to meet up under my block one day after his work. 😂😂 Up till now I can even still rmbr what he wore on that first day we met! (Plain black tee, blue jean, brown sling bag, brown echo shoe!) It was like a dream come true!!! Its more like love at first sight. Since dat first meet,We talk otp n sms almost every single day!!!Hehe. So one month later, we decided on getting engaged!! Yup yup! I only know this guy for a month n already agreed to get engaged for 2 year! Haha that's how much I trust this man! Crazy idea but hey I trust my gut alright! Deep down I know I'd made the right big choice in my life! He is my Mr Right. N yupyup im glad i made that choice! So Yeah, like any other couple, We do had our ups and downs through the journey of our relationship till our wedding day.(Dec 27' 2012) But we managed to overcome it bit by bit. Every obstacles we facing we solve it together as one team. The main key thing is Trust. So after what we been through, look where we are now!!! Alhamdullilah, We r happily married n living a blessed humble life.. Even after all these years,(coming to 11 years!) being his wife, I sometimes still couldn't believe that I had landed myself such a warm loving perfect sweetheart as my husband. I'm proud to say that my hubby here was living proof that there's still special men out there capable of LOVE! I guess I'm that one blessed, lucky girl, one proud wife!

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theintrovertwithadhd · 9 months

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blah

feeling very, very blah today.

I want to say it's likely because I'm about to get my period and I know that is true, but my mind plays so many tricks on me and I'm just teaching myself now how to train it and not listen to all the thoughts in my head and think that they're all real because they are not.

Work is changing a lot. It went from just me and my co-worker to now a boss and 2 other coworkers on our team and it's definitely been quite an adjustment.

It was just the 2 of us managing the department, so when we got a boss she split both of our roles into 2 roles which I am VERY grateful for and incredibly proud of myself for being a 1 man show for the marketing and communications, however it's been well over a month and I still have yet seen my revised job description. I've brought it up several times, and I ensure to angle it so I am clear on my tasks and can check all the boxes that I'm suppose to be doing now. Every time I ask she'll just say "oh ya..." so what do I even say after that??

The new guy who took over the other half of the role is alright. He's quite creative and incredibly digitally talented. He used to be a freelancer but then got sick of not being able to "turn off" as an entrepreneur, so thats why he wanted to work for someone else.

He keeps complaining about how hes on week 3 and the company still hasn't provided him his work computer, so he has to bring in his $6000 computer everyday - which I really don't see it being that terrible. I mean it's not ideal that after that long we still haven't provided him one and ya it doesn't look great... but then he'll make comments about what we are providing him is a "downgrade" compared to what he is working with and was disappointed we weren't able to provide him with all of his asks. Like dude, you have to remember where you are working here, we aren't a top high level company corporation here - its a yacht club... I don't know why this bothered me so much.

Then this week the new girl who took over the other half of my coworkers job started. Shes young, peppy and very outgoing. Idunno why but I find her kind of annoying. it feels like she tries really hard, I guess because she just started and shes young. What really annoys me is that she seems to get along REALLY well with my favourite coworker Angela (The one where it was just me and her all along).

Also everyone is starting to just love her, especially HR and it's so fucking annoying because I really don't like HR. She trying to make this place into a hotel vibe, and it's not a hotel... it is a yacht club...

They're all just obsessed with her, and I mean thats great, but idunno, I guess i'm jealous? or something about my ego here, because I feel like I used to be her and the entertainer when I worked at my previous corporate job a few years ago. I loved being that outgoing, spunky, fun one who stuck out from the group. But I that's not really me anymore and part of that makes me sad, but on the other hand part of me is grateful that my life isn't that chaotic anymore because those are the stories that I would share at the lunch table at work. So maybe it's a good thing because really all these stories she tells is about her toxic friends or things that happen to her - when I've been through that and learned my stuff.

I'm the type of person who goes to work to get shit done, make a difference, do my job and learn while I go. But this whole setting almost feels like a popularity contest and it's soooo different then what Im used to (with the corporate background). I've read before that 80% of doing well at work is the people liking you, and 20% how well you actually doing your job.

Reminder:

you are learning from this expereince

you are liked by your coworkers

you are also older than her and this is her "young chaotic" time in her life

You have a life outside of work

You've come to a point where you dont' care if people like you, you know your people

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beautifullybrokensblog-blog · 6 years

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Life Imatating art. Im a warrior. Dont get it wrong i have survived, but im not a survivor IM A WARRIOR!

#evenMorriganwascrushbylove, #homewreckerthisallyou #owie

Are you proud of Who You Are. Do you like Who You Are. I don’t know how you could! I couldn’t like somebody who purposely hurts children and ruins their homes. I couldn’t like someone who would knowingly cause pain 4 no reason other then she had a ache in her crotch. Did it make you feel accomplished or strong, 2 get your hands on my husband. Real strength is in doing what’s right. Strong women get their own man, not act like sneaky whoring holes that cant understand right from wrong. How do you sleep at night I ask because my children can’t they keep having nightmares about a divorce or if I leave. You took their security way. Shame on you curse you they dont deserve someone like you taking there home and family from them on a whim, how alful. You put them through this only because you want to see if you could, just some game to you, a challenge but its nothing, you dont even really cared about anyone. you have destroyed seven people my family is shattered your affair with my husband has stripped my home of joy so I asked you are you proud? it doesn’t seem right that you get to smile well my adult children worry about a mother that seems empty anymore they watch me fight for so long just to live now i wish i hadnt. Why did you walk in and take what little bit of joy and hope and happiness I had. Take the pride of family and make it a joke. You took form him to my husband, he lost the respect, lost the trust of his children wife nieghbors church. You stole from the children the sleep and carefree youth, the younger two keep having nightmares since this happened they’re afraid if I leave or we get divorced what will happen to them,they remember what it was like before me and they know what it’s been like up until now the short lived happiness of family and wholeness and none of us are sure we can do that anymore and here’s a really screwed-up thing if you cared about him you would have thought about these things you would have thought about the fact that if I don’t pay the rent and I’m not here if I leave my husband he will lose this house because he cannot even afford the rent on his income muchless add electrinity Child Care food xcetera. I on the other hand would be just fine my monthly annuity would go up by $450 my medical would be reinstated at full free and I have family here now. I am heartbroken I truly have lost everything I love my family but you don’t care about that you just wanted to get laid. I want you to fully understand the situation you caused the selfishness of your actions I hope someday that you feel the anguish of having to go on while simultaneously know that the happiness the joy and the trust, everything you believed has dissolved just suddenly gone. because some girl walked into your life ripped your family like you did mine. I hope that you have to hit your knees like I do and that you pray you wont wake up the next morning because these nothing worth the pain you gonna feel. and I hope you feel the crushing despair of waking up the next morning and knowing you’re still there and the situation still exist and then the other woman still exist but she’s smiling and you’ve got no smiles only uncertainty there is no choices left really, cant leave without children lossing everything, dont want stay anymore because now there is nothing to stay for. And you cant just get over it and forgive because you nolonger have a heart to forgive with. I hope you have to come to a decision for sake of the children because without you they won’t have a home they won’t have their care because you’re the only mother they’ve ever had and see it’s a little different than other children because these kids have already gone through being abandoned these kids have already been shipped from foster home to foster home. and while your head spins and you can’t think straight and all you hear is your own silent screaming inside. you have to paste on a smile and you have to do day-to-day life and you have to see doctors and therapist and help your children and you have to pretend everything’s okay even though you’re dead inside. The love you felt is fire that only burns you tourtures you. they emptiness were your faith in love and husband were is now dark cold ugly impossising and swallows all hope all of you like black whole devoring your soul .And the pain spreads he looses frieds and his family, then three verry good people who called him dad nolonger can look at him with out shame and anger. we are all stuck in a Time Loop of endless imploding doom what gives you the right to be so flippent with other people lives and well being. You devastated me in a way ( I have to give you credit because you did to me but cancer couldn’t, being raped couldn’t, losing family couldn’t) your actions brought me to my knees your actions have taken form my kids their sense of values our sense of family their belief in wedding vows loyalty and honesty. you ruined the respect for their father and you’ve left them wondering if relationships never work. If anybody is ever faithful because I mean Dad couldn’t do it, oh but I did and there witnessed to what i got for it. All I can do is think about the whole situation over and over and there is no going backwards no matter what I do there’s no fixing it it’s just too smashed up. One of the things I thought of since my husband wasn’t exactly faithful honest or trustworthy wasn’t exactly respectful of our marriage. Maybe he wasn’t completely honest with you either about me. So I introduce myself I am the woman the wife the mother you so casually took all hope from. the ones whose foundest memories are now only painful I am his wife we have been for 8 years you probably don’t know. But when I met him he had nowhere to live is children were in foster care and about to be adopted out his oldest son had already been adopted . He was struggling to get sober, he had court issues and fines and a record. but I fell in love so I gave him a place to live with me and my children in my home and I filed all the paperwork with the courts to get his kids back I took him to all of his DUI classes & parenting classes, anger management things that he had to do for the courts. I took him for his drug testing I got him his Sr 29 I paid for his alcohol classes and I made sure that he was able to go through with every hoop CPS through at him. and then together we went back to court with CPS and we got custody now something you should know is his little daughter Mia and Andrew had been in the foster care system being bounced around for almost 1&½ yrs at that point they were only 33mo and six when I brought them home. It was hard those first 6 years I was the sole provider. So he could do all the things that the courts and CPS wanted him to do. Then there was his criminal history he was unable to get a job so I got all the paperwork and I wrote his dissertation for his judge and I got a lawyer to stand in court with him so he had an opportunity actually talk to the judge and I expunged his record. now he has been working for just over a year. And this last month March was the first month in 8 years that my husband’s pay any rent we split it. he has contributed to electric bill twice in 8 years. so you see I keep the roof over our heads and his children I keep the power on I get them to school I take them to doctors to therapy I do the all the homework I clean the whole house, he doesn’t do housework at least never has I do the laundry I watch the children this is my day. I get up at 5:30 I have half hour to make coffee take a shower and come to life before I wake up the kids they get on a school bus at 6:30 then I clean the house I start whatever laundry check to see what bills need to be paid or what appointments need to be kept and then my husband rolls out of bed at 10 I drop him off at work we leave here at 11:30 I get back home at 12:30 I now have two hours to clean other people’s toilets to subsidize our income so I can put food on the table because at 2:30 somebody has to be here to get Andrew off the bus because if you don’t know Andrew is physically and mentally disabled and he requires 24/7 care it does not go to regular school he’s in a day program Mia gets home at 4:30 usually I’ve gotten Andrews homework done by then I know it’s time to Mia. Next I have to make dinner so it can be served at 6:30 cuz one of the things with Andrew is autism and he has to have a schedule thats consistent or it throws him into episode he also has ADHD and oppositional Defiance disorder which means that any day the school can call me to come pick him up because he’s not getting along. if im not here what happens to them. I can make it with out him I do have my annuity from the cancer. A long fought lawsuit after years ago the government put a magnesium plant at the bottom of the hill we lived on. my mother, father, three Sisters two brothers and my grandmother have all died from cancer I am sole Survivor after 12 surgerys so I get paid every month a breakup of award from the lawsuit that’s what Shawn lives off my misfortunes. I have to stay up and get him after work, and am expected to have time together while he unwinds after work im lucky if i get more than 4 hrs a sleep a day. I havent had a day with out his kids in yrs. I was home with his kids, paying his way, loosing my medical care while him and his kid get free medical through state, because the kids are not my bio. so i nolonger have depents and his income is held against me but i get no bennifits or bills paid from him no it gose to his games and nights out with friends, and fucking around with you. You two get drunk and go dancing at the bar, and full around in front of all my nieghbors. He gets pulled over and gose to jail for dui and i get all your fucked off inappropriate sex text to him. So for all my doing “the right thing” for being his rock and wife in every sense possible. Along comes you and 1000’s of dollars in fines and court fees and impound fees. As it is he only sees his kids while they are awke for 8 hrs wk after school on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time hes asleep when there leaving for school and they’re already asleep when he gets home. But you two can go out on the town? I have only been out with my husband with out his kids 3 x in 6 yrs. How dare you how dare both of you. That is some shady shit, you two did to this family so dirty AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT OR REASON TOO. If there is any justice in this world i hope it finds you. I hope you get a taste of my life. I hope you get cancer, i hope you get so sick and your teath fall out from it the chemo and the puking. I home the treatment robes your bones of strenght and you get degenerate disc disease and loose use of different extremities all the time with no warning,. and you get to feel the pain of neuropathy from having a stroke. Be cause your so physically over extended and exhausted from doing it all for your family. And I hope you fall madley deeply in love with some that you would do everything for them and you get to be a mom but to kid that are his not yours and then i hope someone like you comes along and and suduces your husband and it ruins everything and you have to hold those kids why they cry and beg you make it work cause there scared to death of the life had before you, and everyone including that other woman knows, if you go thats exactly were they will be. So you really cant do any thing but struggle to breath and cry and hurt in ways no one ever should. And i want you know i mean really understand what a selfish awful person you are. i want you to beg for death like i do because of you. The only difference between us then will be you will have deserved it.

Amy cannday and your little check out friend now the world knows what you are

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