#to entertain myself&things to act as a carrot bc the stick no longer matters lmao.

[jvzebel-x]

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#now the pros&cons of how all my health trials&tribulations have effected me&my mental state can be debated ad infinitum lmao #but one solid con is that unless i absolutely want to do something/it is required for my survival+halfway decent function/ #im in a good mood or the moon is full or the milky way is overhead #i will say that i would rather be dead than bother&i will mean it 1000% lmao. #me+death played chicken&now hes my bitch&theres just no going back to that being the worst case scenerio lmao. #the obvious downside to this being that much like a toddler or badly trained german shepard i must constantly find new ways #to entertain myself&things to act as a carrot bc the stick no longer matters lmao. #... im having severe Issues convincing myself going thru the new med adjustment is worth my effort. lmao. #but like i also think it would be a waste to give up on life in full blown dramatics w the summer here&the sun looking so nice. #so theres definitely that. #(my dog is staring at me like 'you know youre overreacting to nothing'&im like 'yeah but if i were reacting to Things it wouldnt be #overreacting now would it'&shes like 'see this is why they put you on the crazy drugs. stop talking to your dog.')