#turns out money CAN buy happiness guess im a capitalist now 🤷‍♂️

[wheresmulder]

We don't celebrate Xmas but we're doing it this year on a ridiculous whim bc my sister was like "what if we get a hot pink xmas tree" and me going "here's my credit card" so

And we haven't told my mom bc we thought it would be funny to surprise her bc she was like "what if we got a tree this year" after I already bought it so I did my best grinch impression like "NO. XMAS IS FUCKING STUPID. IN THIS HOUSE WE DO NOT FEED CORPORATE GREED." while my sister is in the backseat trying not to fucking laugh bc the tree is being delivered the next day so yeah we successfully got the package in the house without her knowing and last night we went to h***y l***y for decorations and my siblings and I were literally pissing our pants laughing at all the weird xmas shit and grabbing everything we liked and putting it in the cart while going "BIGFOOT ORNAMENT? IT'S IN THE MOVIE." like literally this:

Shout out to k&p for the gremlins 2 sketch bc LMFAOooOoo all the other customers/employees were like "👀 wtf is wrong with them/🤔are they actually making a movie" and then AND THEN. I SEE HIM

Hands down the most disturbing creature I've ever encountered. I was absolutely hysterical i couldn't stop laughing. My sister called him a curly toed weirdo. It's giving:

AND HE IS WEARING *PINK*???? HE MATCHES THE FUCKING TREE????

We almost passed out laughing i could not breathe. This little freak was EIGHTY DOLLARS??????? but all the xmas shit was on sale so he was 30 and we're like........ 👀are we.... 👀we're not....👀couldn't possibly... 👀but what if....

and i was like you know what. Commit to The Bit so guess what bitches?

He's in the movie. Say hello to my first born son 👨‍👩‍👦 Giuseppe Creeps👶🔪

(lil seppy for short)

this is us checking out I told the cashier "please be careful with my son" and she had to keep a straight face bc her manager was there but as we were walking away she whispered "have fun with your son" so I'm just spreading xmas cheer everywhere I go with this little freak. Idk how but he's going on the tree. He is In The Movie. He's the star of gremlins 2. I love him sfm. but when we got home I went straight to my mom with him on my shoulder like as a distraction while my siblings hid all the ornaments so my mom thinks this is the only thing we bought at the store (and we were there for over an hour):

So i walk in with him and WHEN MY MOM SAW HIM ON MY SHOULDER SHE FUCKING RECOILED AWAY FROM ME IN HORROR. FULLY LIKE:

IM SRS 100% THATS LITERALLY WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE and I againnn almost fucking diiiiiiied laughing I could not breathe

SHE ✨️F E A R S✨️ HIM and has no idea about the tree were gonna set it up today while she's running errands this is the best fucking christmas ive ever had

#turns out money CAN buy happiness guess im a capitalist now 🤷‍♂️ #the xmas chronicles