#want to talk to anyone and i didnt want to do my usual cheery-chirpy shtick i automatically use bc of the adhd-masking+social anxiety shit

[wabblebees]

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#warning: long complaining rant abt my day incoming #now that saturday is officially over here where im at #can i just say fuck yesterday?? yeah. fuck yesterday #day started with finding that my betta died last night:( hed been sick as fuck for a while but id been trying rly hard to help and i rly #thought hed started getting better this week but. i guess not... to the person who msgd me & wished him well thank you very much<3<3<3 #i really really appreciated it even tho i didnt know how to respond at the time #but. yeah. hhhh. #and bc of. all that:( i was an hour+ late to work this morning -- & as always im the only one scheduled to work up front for saturdays #so i felt so fucking bad for keeping my boss waiting up front instead of letting him go out to the fields like hed planned #and then we were busy as SHIT all day holy fuck. but i was very very lucky that the weather was ok & everyone who came today was super nice #and my ride to take me home was an hour+ late to pick me up -- so i stayed clocked in until they finally got there. & the coworker who was #supposed to be my shift relief didnt show up until 5 minuted before my ride did bc THEY were an hour+ late to work too #but i had so much shit i needed to do today after work and i just fucking COULDN'T bc being at work that long took all of my goddamn spoons #bc i was switching btween manual labor & so fucken MUCH human interaction & then back as soon as i had 30secs w/out someone talking to me #and again!! they were all so so nice!! if i wasnt already having a bad day im sure it wouldnt have taken NEARLY as many spoons. but i didnt #want to talk to anyone and i didnt want to do my usual cheery-chirpy shtick i automatically use bc of the adhd-masking+social anxiety shit #that always makes my coworker laugh bc apparently my customer service voice is just ''tour-guide barbie up an octave'' #but like. yeah. that ate up every goddamn resource id managed to scrounge up after an already difficult week #which is. going to be a problem for tomorrow+next week!!! aaaaaaa!!! #i havent even made a DENT in the packing i have to finish before noon todayyy #im so so so excited for tmrw bc im FINALLY getting to see my partner after more than a month bUt im ALSO going to be spending the day with #their family and im so fucken nervous bc i love them and i already REALLY like their family but what if i fuck it up somehow. idek what to #WEAR bc its a party but when i asked their mom abt dresscode she just said ''come comfortable!🙂'' which one would THINK would make it EASY #but nOoOo bc EYE'VE never been COMFORTABLE at a social gathering in my LIFE #and then monday that ive gotta go drive back to my stupid SCHOOL bc ive got a 10-day JOB up there and im ALSO nervous about THAT #even tho ive done it twice before!! but this time IM gonna be the only student on the team thats ever done it and im 😬 #hhhhhHHHH. and ive sat here shaking and typing this for 30 minutes instead of packing. still. bc im exhausted but havent done JACK SHIT #if im being fair to myself i will say i DID manage to take a shower and do laundry. which were both necessary steps! but also. the damn #fuck-ass dryer DIED HALFWAY THRU. bc fuck me ig. lmfao. life is a comedy of errors and im the damn player getting laughed off the stage #bee speaks