#we're getting somewhere with these half bodies yall

[tottymatsuno]

Pink Angel From Hell Chapter 5: Romantic Midnight Rendezvous

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: secondhand embarrassment comedy

Rating: still t but this ones medium spicy

Summary: your booty call goes as well as it could've

Word count: i am become the deathening

Warnings: this ones funny. you also get friendzoned after this

Commentary: still sleepy but omg im glad yall get to read this chapter. karamatsu is so funny to write please read it. im begging you read this one and laugh at my jokes and then lmk that they were funny or i am going to take a nap and not wake up until the 4th of april

OUT OF CONTEXT SPOILER

Your poor stressed out brain is screaming, "Say something! Anything!! Bitch get it together!!!!" While your lower half has shifted into maximum overdrive.

"Meet up…? Right now? Where would we go?" Please don't suggest a love hotel, please oh please don't suggest one!

"My hotel room!" You actually hear Todomatsu's excitement through the phone as if he were inviting his best friend to sleep over rather than propositioning you.

You throw the phone down on the bed once more, breathe in deep so you don't stutter when replying. Only when you hear Todomatsu quietly say your name do you reply. "No! I mean — wait!" So far so shitty.

Todomatsu is silent while you try to articulate your answer. "We just met, we're not even together and I just know I can't afford this!" You string along the sentence as jittery as possible, suddenly feeling like you drank six cups of coffee.

Your mind is swirling rapidly, and you are soooo mad!!! Why couldn't you have met Todomatsu through a normal context?! Y'all could've been fucking and sucking or whatever it is that people who date and DON'T pay for romantic affection do in their regular relationships.

As you freak out, Todomatsu tch's and his voice cuts through clearly. "Ehh, Y/N-chan you really don't know how this works, do you?"

You still don't pick the phone back up, but you really want to. At the same time you want to scream, cry and hang up the phone because you're tortuously embarrassed. There's a hole out there for you to crawl in, that hole belongs to you. You just know it.

"No?" Before you could list all the ways your poor wallet cannot breathe due to the strain you've put on her. Whatever deluxe special fucktime package he's about to offer you have to be strong and keep your legs AND pocketbook shut. Just as you resolutely determine this Todomatsu speaks again.

"I like you."

He's not done talking before you interrupt, "I like you too!" You say with all of your yearning. Of course you like him too! This little pink angel has your heart in his hands. You decide to fuck it and him so you check your bank account.

Todomatsu sounds thrilled by your confession when he continues, "So I want to be with you. Physically."

And you know he doesn't mean in the same damn room.

Damn...You’re broke.

"H-how much will that cost?" You ask desperately while moths fly out of your poor abused wallet.

"Hm? Cost? Is that what you've been worried about? You think that I'd make you pay?"

"That's how this works right?" You ask confusedly while Todomatsu bursts out into a sweet laughter.

"I'll explain everything if you meet me at this address." He mumbles in between giggles. The address is sent to you through Line, something you don't recall giving him.

"Um, okay."

"Alright, see you there." You can absolutely feel him winking at you, your imagination is running wild with the possibilities of what will unfold tonight. The tingliness shoots past your spine and goes much lower, to somewhere you don't want to admit to right now.

But hey, you have to get this cherry popped at some point right? Why not have Todomatsu do the honors? Especially if you don't have to pay. Even if you did have to, you might be able to take out a loan to support a local business entrepreneur.

You take both an incredibly indulgent but extremely short shower, using your best body wash, shower gel, and the accompanying lotion so your nerves won't bleed through into stank. Detangling and styling your hair extra special was in order, you had to break out your secret imported hair care stash for such an occasion as well. A styler and leave in wasn't gonna cut it, you plaited a few cute braids and did an intricate updo. Shaving went by confusingly as you were unsure how much to shave after your arms and legs so you kinda winged it. Make up was soft, sweet and seductive according to the tutorial you followed. Lastly your outfit was innocent appearing, but you wore your sexiest pair of underwear because you thought Todomatsu would be into that kinda thing.

When you finally looked at the time it was well past normal visiting hours for polite company, but out the door you went.

You follow the speed limit but internally rush over because you're unfortunately too damn cautious about everything! You aren't getting a ticket over your first booked dick appointment, no ma'am.

You park slightly away from the hotel in case someone catches you here! You don't know who or why this hypothetical person would care enough to 'catch you in the act' but the adrenaline is making you crazy. When you approach the actual address you think, 'this looks very fancy.' but to be fair, you thought over night internet cafes and capsule hotels were fancy. This could just be an actual hotel and not a timed sex closet.

You text Todomatsu you've arrived before veeery sneaky-creepy like entering the hotel you totally belong going into! You stop to look around for him before you'd call, thankfully there he is in that corner over there. Look how poised and just slightly dignified he is with that magazine! Like a real model taking shoot for a hotel ad! You float over right as Todomatsu looked to check his phone.

When he notices your approach the magazine is set down on an end table with a pleasant smile. "You're late." Todomatsu states good naturedly.

"Well... It took a bit longer to get ready than expected." You admit because it honestly took forever to perfect the golden shimmery highlights on your cheekbone. You didn't have time to experiment with the cat eyeliner look either, and finding a video that had simple eye shadow steps was a task in itself.

"It was worth the wait." After Todomatsu praises you, your hand is swiftly taken in his own. You goofy laugh - by that you mean your voice makes a sound akin to George "Goofy" Geef's iconic a-hyuk. Todomatsu sweetly swings your hand as he leads you to the elevator and ignores whatever the hell is your problem.

"We're going to have soo much fun tonight, Y/N-chan!" Todomatsu's cutie patootie grin directed at you alone in the elevator is adorable. "I promise after tonight you won't be able to get enough of me." Oh, that sounds like flirty-dirty talk and you're into it.

"Can't wait..." You warble out.

Once inside it's obvious Todomatsu has been staying in this room for a while, just judging by the items placed neatly around. As interesting as that is, you're kinda not thinking about that at all.

"So uhm, how does this work?" You sit on the edge of the bed toying with one if your plaits beaded end.

"Hm, well how do you usually start when hooking up with someone?" Todomatsu asks to which you flat line.

"What's with that face?" You try to fix said face before Todomatsu rudely rhetorically questions you again. "Ehh, you're not still a virgin are you?"

Your soul withers away with no hope of heaven's light.

"That's makes us kindred spirits." Todomatsu says, you grasp his hands firmly with stars in your eyes. "So you're one too?!" How amazing that he could keep his purity in tact at his occupation.

"Nope, lost mine last year!" Your bubble is popped. The sheer amount of pride in his voice as he bragged about this fairly recent accomplishment.

"Oh, okay." Your voice sounds less than enthused, you don't even bother mentally questioning what he meant by y'all are kindred spirits.

Todomatsu smoothly uses this visible disappointment for his advantage by sitting closely next to you. "That's okay though, isn't it?" There's a warmth radiating from your shoulder blades with your personal space being stolen away inches at a time

"It just means I know how to make this feel good for you."

Todomatsu's head tilts as he moves closer to your lips. "Want me to teach you," His heated breath ghosting soo close. He must have used a buncha mouth wash before you got here because the mintiness is intoxicating.

Todomatsu’s final words cause you to close your eyes in preparation for the impending kiss, "Don't you want to find out how a man feels?" You instinctively press closer to him with a head swimming laps in the deep end. How can he keep drawing this out, just as Todomatsu finally begins to press lightly on your lips there is the sound of a door being slammed open on the opposite side from the bedroom.

This sound plus the loud baritone voice following it makes both you and Todomatsu jump like wet cats.

"Hmm, hmm~! Todomatsuu, my *brother* I have come to sing your Karamatsu bedtime lullaby! Get ready to fall into a deep and restful slumber! MOOOON RIV-" Karamatsu dressed in a bathrobe who has interrupted his own song to take a huge gulp from his red wine glass finally notices the scene before him. The portable karaoke mic he held drops with a feedback filled thud.

"Eh?" Karamatsu confusedly blinks.

There remains an incredibly thick moment of stillness in the room for another second. Suddenly a high pitched screech is heard before Karamatsu is pelted in the face with what appears to be a leaded pillow. The wine sloshes but doesn't spill right away.

"Get out Karamatsu-niisan! Get out, get out!!" Todomatsu begins to throw anything he could reach, which unfortunately leads to Karamatsu being clocked in the head by the digital clock. After the projectiles become more violent and Todomatsu keeps shouting louder for his brother to leave, Karamatsu returns from the connected hotel door with his wine skillfully mostly in hand.

You wanna laugh but decide to swallow that down for both of your sake's. Todomatsu’s heaving back clearly still shows aggressive body language and you just don't know him well enough to determine if he can laugh at himself. As Todomatsu huffs and puffs angrily there comes a moment where he grabs his hair and closed mouth screams.

"Totty?" When you call out to him the muffled sound gets worse. Todomatsu does not turn to look at you for a bit.

"Todomatsu-kun?" You address him differently this time with a great deal of hesitancy. This finally gets Todomatsu to stomp over to the bed. He belly flops onto it childishly and screams much louder into a pillow.

"Dumbass bastard Karamatsu-niisan!! You ruined everything for me! Die! I'll never forgive you for this, you painful idiot!!"

You make out most of what he says despite him kicking the bed in a temper tantrum as well... It's quite the display of immaturity. You sit there next to him a bit concerned what to do next.

Instead you stroke the back of his head in a way that you hope is comforting? Todomatsu's sniffly teary face peeks from the pillow, "You can leave now if you want since the mood's dead."

"I guess I could, huh." You ponder aloud, wondering why you hadn't thought of that option yourself. With that response Todomatsu once again returns to loudly whine in the pillow.

"Don't worry, I won't." You pat his head. "So what are you both doing here? Do you live here right now?"

Todomatsu slowly regulates his breathing before answering. "We're temporarily between homes." You take that vague answer as a cue not to ask more follow up questions for that topic.

You do have a question for the previous though. "Would you like me to leave?"

Todomatsu shakes his head no and peers up at you from his damp eyelashes. "But now you don't think I'm charming and seductive because of my shitty older brother."

You laugh at this, "Of course I still do! You're soo attractive, Totty! Just my type." These feel like a 1/5th of a lie but he could honestly worm his way back into your pants in like half a second if he wanted to.

"Really?" What a humble question from Totty! He raises his head in order to see if you look sincere. You nod happily. "Yes, I promise."

He appears satisfied with that answer, "I kinda don't feel like doing any of that stuff now," he speaks softly back into the pillow. "But it's good to know that you still feel the same way about me." The smile in his voice is too cute.

"If you don't want me to leave, why don't we just hang out and talk then?"

#osomatsu san #ososan #totty #matsuno todomatsu/reader #todomatsu x reader #todomatsu x si #roros fics #multichapter ososan fic #pink angel fic #pink angel fic ch5 #if you read NONE of my other chapters or fics or whatever pls pls PLEASE read where karamatsu shows up in this #that scene is so fucking funny #last update for this bc i actually have to write the things in my outline from here out. i have more stuff with much later scenes i #found more interesting. the next chapter of this is gonna be so soft u guys and so sweet but friendzoned cuddlied buddied time lol sorry #but yeah ther e has ALWAYS been a planned arc for totty in this do not be impatient hes just a dickhead

[1universe1soul]

When she said the mountains in my last name my hands rose to the roof ouffff

🙏🙌"Ain't God good & ain't I great"🙌🙏

MASTERPIECE 👌

This is an elegy to all the things that we become before we're done becoming women

One, elegy to the freshman girlfriend whose optimism was buttermilk at the breakfast table turned sour by a boy for whom my face wasn't pretty in the way he preferred

Baked my body into buffet, a pie he could cut open and sample

Take a slice of what he liked

Eyes like flies, all the maggoted compliments I swallowed because somewhere this must be a delicacy

And somewhere I must be really lucky

Though not Christian enough to pray for

Not even trophy enough to pay for

I spent half of college trying to get this boy to love me

Wrote dozens of poems

Well "that girl" shes been dead for years now

Shes been dead for years now but yall keep asking me to conjure up a ghost

Two, ode to the slut who doesn't fuck but still a slut for not letting him hit

Remember there are always two ways of looking at a condom in a wrapper, open your pussy and you won't find freedom

Close your legs and you won't find purity

Purity is just contraception

Freedom is knowing your hip is a hinge, use your body at your own discretion and seek your own pleasure

What lies between your thighs is a man's Genesis so how dare he spit upon scripture

To all the girls who've been propped open, pried open, and jada posed

I'm sorry there was no funeral for the going out of your smile and the coming in of strangers

Hoes, boppers, and skanks

What's in a name but a whole lot of rape culture

What's a slut anyway, but a pimp in sheep's clothing

Three, ode to the bitch who's not a bitch, just doesn't always feel like shaking hands after the show

I tried taming the Leo

Cut all of my hair off to get rid of my ego but still it comes roaring in like a red dragon

She be my protection, a pitbull in a skirt, please I'm a bull massive on the scent of a kill

I'm still learning how to heal

Four, ode to the surgeon

To the knife we wield deathly in our right hand

And to the sutras we made of our own mouths

Where nothing else could close the wounds

My first love, I had to cut him out first at 19 and then again at 21 and then again at 22

The field doc like a field doctor without supplies on the battlefield, I had to improvise

I marched through my own heart, arms with nothing but a bible, my knees and came out the other side

My hands were killers but my shirt clean, my Coach white

Sometimes love is surgery but it is always a sacrifice

Five, ode to the martyr also the mother, who were once daughters of God and therefore saints

How many times, girls, how many times have we tried to save someone with our love

Been bread, butter, and breath

Done done our best to give birth and give good head

I mean wisdom, knowledge

Six, ode to the impossible

I'm still a red head in my heart

Believe that I am prettier than 8 out of 10 girls in the room

I've traveled to 20 or more countries and love what I do but still wake up every morning wondering if I'm doing enough

Sometimes I am tired

More tired than a bag of old diamonds

All these words and no answers

But everyday I ask myself if today were the last today, would I be okay with the life I've lived and then I forgive myself till theres no more sand left in Egypt

I remember the mountains in my last name and the victory in the middle

Say it over and over as a reminder, Alysia Nicole, the unforgotten victory, the victory of the truth

It took me 7 years to go from that girl to this woman

7 years but ain't God good and ain't I great