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#when i was still fem-presenting and pre-any sort of transition i was a dyke. that’s the best word for how i felt then and now looking back
branchiopod
·
2 years
Text
can’t sleep. keep making myself mad about shit
#it’s like three things rn
#someone from my old college had it out for me and i genuinely have no idea why
#like they were always rude as fuck to me and in the first few weeks we knew each other i was being interrogated ab slur and pronoundiscourse
#asked how i felt ab he/him lesbians and i was like i’m not a lesbian so…who fucking cares
#and we got into slurs somehow and i wish i could’ve been more articulate bc i was like yeah. i think some trans men can say the d slur
#and they were like why aren’t you saying it and my response was cuz i don’t feel like it
#but the point i wish i had thought well enough to make is like first of all slur discourse is stupid
#and the word dyke is central to so many people’s identities not just currently but in the past too
#when i was still fem-presenting and pre-any sort of transition i was a dyke. that’s the best word for how i felt then and now looking back
#AND you don’t know the intricacies of someone’s identity. are you gonna police this shit? leave me tf alone
#also pissing me off lol
#is the fact that i dated someone who hated the parts of me that i like
#shit spanned from like him saying it about tank tops and sweatpants immediately after i said they’re gender affirming for me
#to not being able to deal with me being loud to the point that i re-triggered a depressive episode as soon as i got out of one
#when im doing well im loud and excitable but they couldn’t handle that so i just shoved it down
#and last thing. did anyone else deal with the predatory gay stereotype bc i never see ppl talk ab it but i was a huge target for it
#it’s affected my ability to just. function as person like i can’t compliment people without making myself panic
#the few times i’ve seen it talked ab is specifically the predatory lesbian stereotype
#which does make me wonder how much of my experience was fueled by that and how much was just generic homophobia
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