#which i've been told can come off as detached/disaffected/uncaring even when it's not trying to be;

[professionalowl]

not reblogging the post because i know it's a flawed test (and infuriatingly poorly worded to wit) but the RAADS-R autism test is going around again and i got an 87, which is i think what i got the last time i took it and also tracks - i'm personally pretty certain that i'm not autistic, but (autistic) friends of mine have historically been split on the issue because apparently i 'act' like an autistic person and they're often surprised when i say i'm actually not

#my *closest* friends tend to think i'm not but - to quote one guy - '[i'm] very smart and smart ppl tend to have traits that overlap' #which is an interesting assessment (he's autistic tb clear) and i think i know where it's coming from #i'm very direct with comments; i often have trouble with empathy; i'm clever (or y'know 'clever' for a given value of the word); #i don't feel emotions particularly strongly - or immediately - and this comes across in my speech #which i've been told can come off as detached/disaffected/uncaring even when it's not trying to be; #i'm apparently quite difficult to read sometimes? or come off as intimidating per neutral expression; #uh. one time an english teacher told me that i'd taught her to 'think more logically' whatever the fuck that means; #these are i think stereotypical autistic 'smart guy' traits which do not actually map on to the majority of autistic people afaik #at least not as a package or all expressed the same way - but in this case i think it's a category error #interesting food for thought nonetheless. i spend some time thinking about it because people do ask me occasionally #and the general autistic mileu of tumblr.com has actually helped me be nicer to myself about those traits #(as well as check myself abt other people; i'm not going to pretend to be some kind of saintly autistic whisperer or w/e) #considered going back and taking the test with the 'most generous' and then the 'least generous' answers and comparing them #but i can't be bothered. add a button for 'in specific situations' or die by my hand #i WILL say that some of said autistic friends who were surprised to find out i wasn't #expressly thought i WAS because they drew a correlation between their behaviour and my own #so it's not just 'people are misreading me because of stereotypes about how autistic people act' although i do think that can be an element #let me know if this post is weird or w/e it is literally just speculating on myself and how people perceive me #as a consequence of tending to occupy circles otherwise occupied largely by neurodivergent people #('fandom' and 'archaeology and anthropology')