#while physical disability is a handwavey/barely acknowledged flavor

[divinesouldariax]

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love!

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

there’s been a lot of very good meta about ashton, taking hits, carrying his friends, carrying heavy things for their friends, doing things that hurt, that make it hurt worse, to protect his friends from pain. because he knows how to carry pain. because they’re used to it. because they know he can keep going. because, because, because it’s what he knows, it’s all he knows.

and it’s true. ashton loves them. ashton is willing to hurt more for them, and it’s because they love their friends.

but, but, but. he shouldnt have to. people with chronic pain shouldnt have to do things that make the pain worse. we might choose to, and that is definitely an act of love, but feeling like they dont have a choice, that taking on more pain, silently, suffering without ever asking for help or saying no, i can’t do that, it hurts too much...

because, listen. for most people, chronic pain is limiting. it says no, we’re not climbing those stairs today. no, we can’t lean down and pick something up off the floor. no, we’re staying in bed with a heating pad and telling our friends sorry, i can’t make it today after all. i know you were looking forward to hanging out, but i can’t do it. maybe there’s some people with chronic pain that never have days bad enough that it limits them, but i’ve never met one.

so when i see ashton, whose friends didn’t figure out that he has chronic pain until they literally felt it in his mind, keep their pain under wraps for over a month, never saying no to carrying something (a heavy statue, fcg up a ladder, orym after he fell, laudna’s dead body for miles), swinging his hammer to defend and protect, literally picking losing battles to see if anybody is watching...to me, that doesn’t read as “look at this strong, empowered person with chronic pain who never lets it limit them”.

to me, that says “this is a person who thinks that love cannot exist without a worsening of pain, who won’t let themself pause or say no or even tell anybody that it hurts because he is deeply, deeply afraid that refusing pain is the same thing as denying his friends love”.

and that’s fucking devastating.

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

#ashton greymoore #critical role meta #critical role campaign 3 #bell's hells #there is a secret second part to this post #where i gently criticize matt and tal for not including some kind of Disability Mechanic #because i KNOW they can do it. they do it for caleb and fcg and imogen #but i'm still holding out hope that they have a secret one that they're waiting to reveal #based on a specific event or trigger for a flare-up #just. something something mental illnesses being given the opportunity to be Actually Disabling in this work of fiction #(which it SHOULD be. i'm not saying they shouldnt have done any of those ones.) #while physical disability is a handwavey/barely acknowledged flavor #let disabled characters be Disabled. Disabled means they are LIMITED in their ABILITY to DO THINGS. #.....i didnt mean to do the whole rant in the tags but apparently i did it anyway lmao #anyway. able-bodied people dont clown on me for this. #ill block u. #edit: i focus on chronic pain here bc thats what i personally have experience with #but obviously ashton has a traumatic brain injury which is also a disability #and i wouldnt want to ignore that just because it's not something im as intimately familiar with