#while that sort of success still does mean maybe a bit toooo much for me

[noxtivagus]

i'm actually reading the lessons now for philo for an assignment n i realize a lot of this is similar to the thoughts i often have

#🌙.rambles #wait . i find learning interesting but i haven't really had the time to channel that curiosity into school bcs it has been Bothering me 😭 #these basic features of personhood though. yes #i already knew this stuff basically in a way like. it's already defined in my thoughts. #uwah yk more than science. like yeah i'm good at chem n physics n biology n wtvr but #i find topics more like philosophy n psychology more interesting #n in science i find stuff like neuroscience more particularly interesting. n astrophysics. cosmology #while my interests definitely align with being a scientist. i don't think it'll really be ideal esp considering i'll be starting out here #in this country. yeah #while i have come to realize that maybe i wouldn't like it so much as a job #i genuinely do have a deep love and passion for learning. my curiosity runs deep #n i'm a writer at heart still. n. yeah i've always loved expressing myself in those sort of ways #that keeps me a bit more grounded when i feel overwhelmed by societal and academic expectations #while that sort of success still does mean maybe a bit toooo much for me #what i value more are the more intimate aspects of our humanity. #oh my god yeah in the end i really don't care if i don't fit in or wtvr #i have my own rules in life. my own unique structure and way of living that i'll fully embrace and develop #idk how to Phrase oh god i wna read more books so i can actually properly. do this Right. in a way #because while i have learned a lot from my own thinking. i am young n i yet lack for most of my life experiences n #my vocab is so wack rn wld cognitive development be an appropriate term to add to that or not . #that's the thing i wna learn more that's actually. idk proven or more professional bcs my thinking is messy n i still have sm more to learn #i like the balance i have in terms of my strengths n weaknesses. i love n embrace myself n i'll keep on working towards improvement #yk fuck all those negative feelings; i'll rise above them as usual and fly higher #why should i let them bring me down. damn that. i'll challenge it actively n i'll do my best to be better #wait i'm about to ramble again oh my god i ramble so much about the same things but #really just. in the end i think most of us underestimate the depth of the importance of embracing who we are #in a good way. like that's not just a black n white thing n there's so many factors to consider but ^ holds the basic essence of it #my vocab is failing oh my god i will take a nap #fuck being embarrassed or shy ! i'll make bolder efforts to challenge myself. shift my mindset again yk. i'll succeed n rise higher #why shld i let negative stuff weigh me down? i can do so much better. reach greater heights. i'll try harder