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moviemagistrate · 4 years

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ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD review

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD is my favorite movie of the 2010’s.

I’ll give you a minute to put your recently-blown mind back together.

So why do I love this movie so much? The overall response to Quentin Tarantino’s supposedly penultimate opus has been very positive if not rapturous, but I’ve seen some surprisingly lukewarm and even negative reviews, with people criticizing it for being slow, meandering, lacking in depth or *shudder* boring. Obviously the quality of any movie is subjective, as I’m quick to remind anyone who hates Michael Bay movies, but I honestly don’t understand people who dislike OUATIH. Maybe it’s a matter of expectations, because I didn’t know how to feel about the film for much of the first time I watched it either.

The year is 1969, a time of great political and cultural change in the country and in the entertainment industry. The star-driven films of yesteryear are giving way to grittier, artsier, more auteur-driven works as we primarily follow Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), former star of a popular cowboy show whose failed attempt to start an A-list movie career has left him relying on guest spots as TV villains-of-the-week to stay afloat. This is wonderfully laid out in the opening scene where he meets casting director Marvin Schwarz (Al Pacino, easily his best role since JACK & JILL), who lays out Rick’s lowering hierarchical status (“Who’s gonna kick the shit out of you next week? How about Batman & Robin? PING. POW”), while offering him an opportunity to be a leading-man again in Italian pictures.

Tagging along is Rick’s best, and maybe only, friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), Rick’s go-with-the-flow stunt-double who in the slowdown of Rick’s career has effectively become his driver and gofer, as well as Rick’s sole source of emotional support. Rick is also neighbors with Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), the beautiful young actress and wife of then-superstar director Roman Polanski (whose inclusion in the film is minimal and handled tastefully), as she lives out her idyllic life, beloved by those around her like the ray of sunshine she was in real life. Her gated, hillside home looms over Rick’s, as he ponders aloud about how even meeting her the right way could resurrect his career.

For almost two-and-a-half hours, we follow these three characters as they just live out their lives, Rick nursing hangovers and having emotional breakdowns in front of his 8-year-old co-star on set while contemplating his future, Cliff going where the wind blows him while taking care of his adorable and highly-trained dog, and Sharon as she drives around Old Hollywood, spends time with her friends, and sneaks into a matinee showing of one of her movies, her eyes and infectious smile beaming with pride when the audience laughs at her comedic timing and cheers her martial-arts prowess.

I think it’s safe to say it’s not the film any of us were expecting from Quentin Tarantino. Having only made loud, gory, over-the-top genre pastiches for the last 15 years, you’d expect from the trailers for this to be about an actor and his sexy stunt-double getting mixed up with the Manson family before teaming up with Bruce Lee to save Sharon Tate from her horrific real-life fate, mixed with the filmmaker’s usual self-indulgent homages to films of yesteryear. While some of this is true to some extent, it’s surprisingly a much more relaxed, easygoing dramedy that follows a trio of funny, charismatic people as they just…exist, as people living in the moment instead of relics.

OUATIH is much more concerned with atmosphere, character, and capturing the feeling of a bygone era than the traditional narrative structure. It’s more effective than pretty much every nostalgia trip movie I've ever seen because you can feel Tarantino's affection for this era of his childhood bleed through every character, car, song, radio advertisement, TV show, background poster, etc. It’s through this meticulous level of detail and willingness to just hang out with these characters and take in this world that he reconstructed, Tarantino successfully resurrects the era in all its 35mm glory, but with the knowing twinge of real-world melancholy.

I guess the reason I love it so much is because the love that Tarantino has for everything and everyone in it is so tangible that it’s infectious. Watching OUATIH I honestly felt like I understood him better as both a filmmaker and as a person. He shows a level of restraint and maturity I haven’t seen since JACKIE BROWN. Even most of his trademark foot fetishizing is tasteful and subdued (I say “most” because I recall at least three close-ups of actresses’ feet that definitely made him a bit sweaty behind the camera). He’s a weird, shameless nerd with a big ego, but he’s 100% sincere about expressing his love for film and its rich history. And it’s this love, and the skill and style with which it’s expressed, that just put a big smile on my face each of the 6 (SIX) times that I’ve seen it since it came out.

Tarantino offers a tantalizing contrast between reality and fantasy. Throughout the film, as the characters of Hollywood live in their own idyllic world, relaxing in pools or driving around in bitchin’ cars, we also see the disquieting eeriness and griminess of the Manson family. The soundtrack and accompanying old-timey commercials for tanning butter or Mug Root Beer that plays through a lot of the film is a joy to listen to, but we also hear news bulletins of the war in Vietnam or the aftermath of the Bobby Kennedy assassination. You could argue this is just to set the scene for the era, but it feels too deliberate, because even after that joyously fantastical ending, we remember that it was just a fairy tale and real life didn’t turn out as pleasantly. Tarantino’s ability to make his world and characters so meticulously detailed and lived-in works to great effect in instilling a bittersweet melancholy to this film in a way I was really taken aback by. It feels like a window into his soul, someone who yearns for the fantasy of the world he grew up in but remembering that not all good things last and not everything in your nostalgic past was good to begin with.

One beautiful, spellbinding scene is Rick and Cliff coming back from their excursion into the world of Italian filmmaking. In this montage, we see Rick, Cliff and Rick’s new Italian wife arriving at the airport and driving home before unpacking their baggage, interspersed with Sharon Tate welcoming a guest at her home and having lunch, before cutting to a series of shots of famous LA landmarks like Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Taco Bell, and Der Wienerschnitzel all meticulously resurrected in their retro glory as they light up the night. “Baby, baby, baby you’re out of time”, sings Mick Jagger as we’re watching multiple stories about people who are each embodying those words: Rick’s career, his friendship with Cliff, Sharon Tate, and Hollywood itself.

Tarantino himself feels like one of the last mainstream auteur filmmakers, as well as one of the last and biggest proponents of shooting large-budget movies on film (even Scorsese’s embraced digital now, the fantastically-talented traitor). And with the rise of streaming services, one can’t help but feel like the movie-going experience itself is also becoming obsolete, especially recently, what with theaters going to war with distributors over fucking TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, not to mention that global pandemic we’ve been having lately all but killing general audiences’ enthusiasm for the movie theater experience (Christopher Nolan’s TENET certainly didn’t help). If all these things, both real and fictional, are indeed out of time, then at least with Tarantino’s penultimate film they get one hell of a bittersweet sendoff, a great time that’s more of an Irish wake than a funeral, and it’s a film I have no issue calling a truly introspective, late-career masterpiece.

And that’s without mentioning uniformly incredible cast. Leo DiCaprio, an actor I normally don’t care too much for, gives the best and funniest performance of his career as a dependent prima donna actor clinging to his remaining fame. Brad Pitt earns the hell out of his Oscar as an embodiment of old-school masculinity and charisma with an amazing set of abs (and everything else) whose outward coolness masks his mysterious past and complete badass-ness. Margot Robbie shines in her depiction of Tate, a beacon of warmth and likability who in many ways symbolized the love and carefree attitudes of the swingin’ 60’s. I’ve heard people criticize her character for not having a lot of dialogue, but to me it feels like they’re ignoring the visual storytelling, which just gives way to them assuming the film is sexist just because the female lead isn’t constantly monologuing. Every member of the supporting cast is memorable with their own quirks and great lines, no matter their screentime.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Tarantino joint without some truly hilarious and shocking violence, and without going into spoiler territory, the last 20 minutes delivers on this promise to such a degree that I feel comfortable calling it the best thing he’s ever done. Some may decry the climax as unnecessary or over-the-top, but the way it leads to an alternate world while subtly acknowledging what happened in the real one is cathartic beyond belief. And if you’re paying attention, every scene in the movie has been quietly building towards this finale, which to me takes away any potential of feeling meandering in the story. If you saw the movie and didn’t much care for it, I recommend giving it another watch. Having the context ahead of time makes it feel so much more rewarding, and even on the fifth watch I’m noticing clever, subtle set-ups I missed beforehand.

It’s also just super cozy and really easy to watch. The two hours and 45 minutes fly by. I could watch a 4-hour version of this.

Quentin, if you’re reading this, please don’t let your last movie be Star Trek.

#tarantino #feet #hippies #brad pitt

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thedeviltohisangel · 5 years

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How The Night Changes//8//Takes One To Know One

Duncan & Olivia face the idea that she might be pregnant.

masterlist in bio!

requested by @tickled--pinkmoodpoisoning love her so please go love her as well!

send any requests for these two my way!

“I feel like a literal whore, Duncan. Like you only have to pay a dime to get your dick sucked by me.” The man in question chuckled from where he was still lying in bed, watching Olivia struggle to put her heel from last night back on while balancing on one foot.

“You’d be a horrible stripper, my love.” The meaning behind the look she gave him was clear and required no clarification.

“I can’t get my hips to move sexier if you won’t let me ride you every once in awhile.”

“It’s very hard for me to not be in control.” It wasn’t that Duncan didn’t like the visual of Olivia’s breasts bouncing in his face as she rode him like it was a rodeo, he did like that visual, but he could never keep his hands from gripping her hips and flipped her under him as she began to clench around him.

“You’re making yourself hard with whatever it is that you’re daydreaming about,” she muttered as she sat on the bed and looked through her clutch to make sure everything from the night before was in there before she left Duncan’s.

“Thinking about your boobs.” That at least got a smirk from her. Sometimes Olivia found herself forgetting that, no matter how put together and powerful Duncan was, he was still a male. Just as same as the rest of them. “When am I gonna get to see you again?” He sat up and leaned over he could press kisses up and down the skin of her arm. Duncan was an addict. Everyday that they weren’t public was another day that he didn’t get to see her for nearly as much as he needed to in order to survive.

“I’m not sure. I have a recital tomorrow night, you should come.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She looked at him over the shoulder and he took the opportunity to lightly tap his lips against the tip of his nose. Olivia had started volunteering at a local studio and her little toddler ballet group was participating in tomorrow’s recital. Duncan didn’t have a particular proclivity to dance or to children but wanted to be there in support of her and this future endeavor.

“Okay, well let me go find a makeup wipe or something so my team doesn’t think I got gangbanged by raccoons last night.”

----

“Miss Olivia you don’t look so good.” Her dancers were always extremely honest with her, even when it was not appreciated.

“I’m just a little tired, Stella, but thank you for worrying about me.” Olivia cupped her cheek gently in thanks and smiled as she ran off to join the rest of the group that was chatting together at a table in the makeshift green room.

“Stella’s right. You okay?” She turned to see Lillian, the director of the studio coming up behind her.

“Yeah I’m getting my period soon so I am veering towards out of whack with every passing hour,” she replied with a chuckle.

“Well I just wanted to thank you personally before the show. I’ve heard nothing but rave compliments from the girls and their parents about how wonderful your classes have been. Not to mention your endorsement has made us sell out the dance hall!”

“I had some people invite some people and spread the word. I know you guys were struggling with the budget last month so anything I can do to help, you just have to let me know, Lillian. I want my platform to help the people who really need it.” Olivia looked to the table where her group of dancers were sitting and felt her heart warming. She would do anything for those little girls, absolutely anything.

“I’ll keep your offer in mind. Thank you, Olivia.” Lillian squeezed her hand gently before moving to talk to the next group of people that resided backstage. Olivia walked over to the table of mini ballerinas and took a seat in the middle of it all.

“What’re you girls laughing about over here?”

“Lorelai was saying that she thinks you’re a real life princess or fairy. Are you, Miss Olivia?”

“What made you say that, Lorelai?” Olivia directed her question at the giggling little brunette that was trying to shield her laughs behind her hand.

“You’re so pretty!”

“But where’s your prince, Miss Olivia?” That question had come from Juniper. It didn’t surprise her that she was the girl to ask such a question, her mother was the biggest gossip of the whole studio.

“He’s in hiding.” All the girls gasped and leaned a little bit forward as if they were waiting for the rest of the story. “He’s hiding because the wicked witch wants to find me and if he stays away from me, then she can’t find me.” It wasn’t that far off from the truth.

“Oh but, Miss Olivia, can’t he get rid of the witch? So you can get married?”

“One day will be the right time, Lorelai, but he has to wait for the perfect time.”

“We’d help him!” All the girls nodded in agreement that they would help her prince slay the witch so Miss Olivia could be with him and be happy. They were like her own little dwarves in a way.

“What if I told you that he’s here to watch you girls tonight? To make sure you’re good enough to help him some day?”

“We’ll dance perfect for your prince, Miss Olivia!”

“Promise!”

“Okay well, we have to stretch in order to do our best. Let’s group hug first though!” Olivia stood up and held her arms open, all the little girls crashing into her with giggles and squeals of excitement.

----

“I would like to welcome a very special guest to the stage, First Daughter, Olivia Underwood!” Olivia waved as she walked across the stage to accept the microphone from Lillian. She spotted Duncan easily, he was whistling from where he stood in the audience.

“Thank you for the warm welcome, everyone but let’s hear one last round of applause for all of our dancers tonight! Such beauty and talent at such young ages, I expect greatness from all of them.” She paused as the audience cheered, Olivia becoming acutely aware that there was massive amounts of press lining the walls of the auditorium and suddenly felt a wave of nerves hit her. “I want to especially thank all of you for coming helping us raise some money for a bunch of continuing education projects we have going on around the studio this year. Also thank you to Lillian for inviting me to participate not just in teaching classes but in the organization of this event...and...lastly…” The distinct feeling of needing to throw up was beginning to rise in her throat. She was afraid to open her mouth to finish the rest of her short speech, the room beginning to spin under the heat of the lights. It was when she became aware of Duncan standing in his seat and moving towards the stage that she realized she must be looking as bad she felt. Olivia quickly extended the microphone back to Lillian before sprinting off the stage, the sound of a thousand cameras clicking the only thing she could hear.

----

“You didn’t have to spend the night with me,” she murmured as she took a sip of her coffee the following morning, Effie curled in her lap and Duncan gently massaging her feet.

“Didn’t want you to be alone if you got sick again. I know what a horrible feeling that is.” Effie woke up and moved down Olivia’s legs to begin to nudge her head at Duncan’s hand, wanting his attention as well.

“Wow. What a betrayal,” Olivia griped at the two of them as Duncan answered her cat’s call for attention.

“Sorry babe.” Effie crawled under his chin and curled back up in her little ball there, falling back asleep with ease. “I wanted to stop by cause I’m going to Vietnam with my friends for the next two weeks, remember?”

“Yeah but I was trying to not think about it. What am I supposed to do with myself in that time?”

“Send me sexy Snapchats.” One of her throw pillows solidly hit his thigh. “I’m sure the time will fly by, Livvy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Your friends aren’t really known for behaving...are they gonna be suspicious of you not flirting and fucking your way through Vietnam?” He opened his mouth to say that’s not what his friends expected from him on vacation but then closed it when he remembered that it was. And that it was warranted.

“I’ll think of something. I have my Master’s, Olivia, I’m pretty smart.” She cackled in spite of herself and moved she could rest her head on the little bit of his chest that her cat had left open.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too...I’ll call you whenever I get some alone time.”

“Okay, Donut. I love you so much. Don’t forget that.”

“You’re my whole world, Olivia, don’t you forget that.”

----

Three days later, when her period hadn’t come, she started to think. She had PCOS which meant that she had had irregular periods before but birth control had been prescribed to her to fix that. And it had. Her period had come and gone like clockwork every month ever since. Except for this month. Something was wrong.

“Henry?”

“Yes, Miss?”

“Do you think one of your agents could run an errand for me?” And that was how she sat with every brand of pregnancy test that CVS carried laid out on the countertop in front of her. She didn’t know how long it would take for a pregnancy to show up on a test but she also couldn’t pinpoint the exact time she had had sex with Duncan without protection. So, just to be safe, she peed on all of them and then paced around her room in a loop until the timer went off on her phone. Three of them read positive...and three of them read negative. “Well, fuck you.”

She knew she couldn’t Duncan and tell him that she might be pregnant because the tests couldn’t agree. She needed a plan of action. He was always wanting to take control but this was her and her body and her health so she had to make it her duty. It was her doctor that she called first, explaining the inconclusive tests and asking if she could come in for an ultrasound or blood test to get a conclusive answer.

“How about we wait another couple of days, Olivia, and then I can have you come in for both?” Dr. Haines spoke. Olivia was always patched through directly to her doctor to prevent any lower level employees from hearing anything confidential and being vulnerable to media inquiry.

“Okay that works for me. I’m sorry I can’t tell you an exact date…”

“Don’t worry about it. We will get it all figured out, I promise.”

“Thank you. Dr. Haines, I’ll see you Wednesday.” Once she hung up she figured there was one more important phone call that she needed to make. Duncan. She dialed the number he had given to reach him at for his trip.

“Hello?”

“Duncan?”

“Hold on.” She heard his voice get muffled, something said to his friends about it being his mother. “Sorry. Wanted to be alone so I can actually say your name.” He chuckled.

“I’m glad you’re alone. You should sit down. I have to tell you something.”

“Are you going to break up with me while I’m all the way in Vietnam?” She heard him chuckle but knew a piece of him was actually nervous that was happening.

“No the opposite actually...I think...I might be...pregnant.” The silence sat between them for a few beats, Olivia biting her lip so hard that a copper taste began to spread on her tongue. “You don’t have to say anything or do anything. I’m taking care of it, I-”

“Have you...have you done tests and stuff?” It sounded like something was stuck in his throat. Like he was choking on the words as they were trying to come out.

“I wouldn’t have called you all the way in Vietnam if I hadn’t. I took six. They were split negative and positive.” He groaned in frustration from the other side. “I’m going to my doctor’s on Wednesday to get some more conclusive answers. I’ll call you then.”

“You get squeamish when you get blood work. Is someone going with you? You fainted last time.”

“I’ll have Henry or someone else on my team hold my hand. I won’t be fully alone.”

“Okay that makes me feel a little bit better...What do we do if you are pregnant?”

“I...I’d want to keep it. We can go public or...or we don’t have to and you can be involved as much as you want...or not at all.” They had only had one conversation about kids in their time together. Olivia didn’t want to assume that Duncan was immediately on the same page on her, that he wanted to be a Dad. It would break her heart to have him leave her life but she would do it for their baby...her baby.

“I would never...I would never not be involved, Olivia. A baby that’s half you and half me...How could I not fall in love with it? Do you know how cute our kids would be? Will be.” Her heart began to sing at his words and she wished he was there with her now. It should be a crime for the one you love to make you feel this way when they weren’t physically there to receive your affection.

“I love you so much, Duncan. You make me so happy and I...I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“You’ll never have to. I’m going to be with you forever, regardless of how it happens and who knows and who cares and...you drive me fucking crazy. I’m tearing up in a Vietnamese forest thinking about how much I love you.” She almost cried to when she heard his little sniffle.

“I’ll call you Wednesday after my appointment. Try to have fun and not let this distract you too much, okay?”

“Okay. Love you, baby.” For the rest of the day, Duncan found himself zeroing in on the children playing in the streets as he drove by them on his way to the next tourist site. His mind kept wandering to the fact that he might be having his own kid. And he kept thinking about how he already was in love with the idea of being a partner in this way with Olivia. They really were two halves of the same whole and his heart called to be with her for this journey. From start to finish. He feared he had already missed too much by not being there when she took the test. At dinner, while all his friends were laughing and drinking about deciding what bar they would haunt tonight he was thinking of Olivia. Of her growing round with his child. Of picking out nursery paint colors. Of learning how to swaddle. Of crying over a little prune faced baby calling him dada. He knew what he had to do.

----

Olivia hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before her appointment. She was too nervous of not only the result of her tests but of the fact that she thinks she’d be mildly upset if she wasn’t pregnant. The past couple of days had given her a lot of alone time to think about what she would do depending on each outcome that the day could take. If she was pregnant, then her and Duncan would have to speed up all the plans they had made. They’d have to go public. Come clean to those that were in power. Maybe he would insist they got married. But Olivia wouldn’t want it to be a big affair. They would have something small and intimate with just them and her Secret Service as witnesses. They were the only people who had supported their relationship thus far anyways. And then in nine months they would have their little bub. And they would be so happy. And they would be a family forever. And eventually have the massive wedding Olivia had been dreaming about her entire life.

If she wasn’t pregnant...then she would be sad. But she would get over it. And everything that would have happened if she was pregnant would eventually happen on its own anyways. She would just have to wait a little bit longer for all of her dreams to come true.

It was a knocking at her door that made her finally think to get out of bed. It must be one of her agents needing to use the bathroom.

“Nadim, I swear you have the bladder of-” But it wasn’t him when she opened the door. It was Duncan. A bit scruffier and his hair was a bit curlier and his skin was a bit tanner but it was him.

“Hey.”

“What are you…”

“I thought about it. And thought it would be pretty shitty if I missed an ultrasound this early on so…”

“Duncan,” Olivia took a deep and shaky breath as the tears began to run down her face. “You didn’t have to fly all the way home for this.” He quickly stepped into her home and shut the door behind him, placing both of his hands on her shoulders.

“Even...even if you are not pregnant, I’m doing this right. By you, by our child.” He let out a watery laugh as his own emotions began to get the best of him. “I never had one so I’m going to be one. I’m gonna be a good fucking father.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him like her life depended on it. And in a way, it did.

----

She managed to survive the blood draw without fainting this time, Duncan thinking she might have broken his hand from how hard she had squeezed it.

“That will be nothing compared to labor so you better start doing some hand strengthening exercises.” Duncan bopped his nose against hers from where they were waiting in an exam room for her doctor to see them. He was feeding her bits of a Hershey bar he had gotten from the vending machine, Olivia having not been able to eat in preparation for her blood draw that morning. “I’m gonna wet my pants if she doesn’t come soon.”

“Let’s think about something else instead then. Like all the cool ways we can announce our relationship to the public and really anger our mom’s and my uncle.”

“That’s evil, Mr. Shepherd, though it’s kind of turning me on.” Duncan hummed as he kissed her lips.

“All Shepherds have villainous blood, I thought your parents taught you that.”

“Villains don’t cut their vacation short to be with their girlfriends for doctor’s appointments.” She pushed a loose strand of hair off his forehead and then dragged her hands down to cup his cheek.

“I told you. I want to be here for every step of the way. No matter how inconsequential those steps might be.” He laced his fingers through his and then brought them to his lips. “We might be having a baby.” They both giggled.

“I’m glad we are in a happy mood.” It was Dr. Haines and to her credit she kept her surprise at seeing Duncan Shepherd in her exam room to a minimum.

“Trying to keep everything light. Don’t want our baby, if there is one, to be announced in a negative environment,” Olivia reason as she wiggled around to get in the right position for her doctor.

“Dr. Haines, I’m sure we don’t have to ask but-”

“You have my discretion, I promise.” Duncan smiled at her gratefully before turning back to Olivia.

“Hey, before this all starts, whatever happens, I love you. And if there is a baby, we’ll figure it out and be kickass parents and they’ll be in most loving home in history. And if there isn’t then know that one day, there will be. I promise you.”

“I’d like that,” she whispered back to him, feeling molten under the heat of his gaze. They kissed one last time, before everything changed forever. Duncan took his seat next to her head, hand still holding hers and eyes fixated on the screen like he was a little boy waiting up for Santa on Christmas Eve.

“Let’s take a look.” Olivia held her breath as the doctor moved around her stomach and the grainy screen came to life. “Well, Miss Underwood, Mr. Shepherd, I’m not seeing anything. And your blood work didn’t lead me to believe that I would have so I can say with confidence that you are not pregnant.” She smiled at the couple, beginning to pack up her things and wipe down Olivia’s stomach.

“Thank you, Dr. Haines. Have a nice rest of your week,” Duncan spoke as she patted him on the shoulder and left the room. He looked down at Olivia, who was looking vaguely shell shocked.

“I just...I just really thought.” She didn’t have to finish her sentence, he knew. He understood. He had felt the same. “I’m sorry you took a plane just to be told I’m not…” Duncan shushed her gently.

“It was worth it, baby, you don’t have to ever worry about disappointing me.”

“Take me home?” She suddenly felt very exposed under the harsh lights of the room and cold under the flimsy gown that she had been given to put on. Duncan had to take a step back as she abruptly sat up and threw her legs over the side of the table.

“Of course. You hungry? We can stop for something on the way home.”

“Just get me out of this goddamn room, Duncan, please.” Angrily, she rubbed at her eyes and then pushed past him to where her clothes sat in a pile.

“Okay,” he was approaching her with a measured cautiousness, “I’ll go ask Henry to pull the car around.” She was quiet the entire care ride, he kept his hand open in between them and she didn’t take it. He just wanted to talk to him, to tell him what was bothering her so he could fix it. Smooth over all the worried creases in her forehead. Nevertheless, he kept his hand there and kept it open because he would always be there for her, no matter how long it took her to come to him. He’d wait forever.

When they were lying in bed that night, he was on his back staring at the ceiling while she had turned her back to him on her side and curled into a ball.

“I was stupid to think that people like us get to be happy.” His head whipped in her direction. It was the first he had heard from her in hours.

“We’re happy when we’re together, aren’t we?” She rolled over so she could look at him.

“We are. But we’re not always allowed to be together and that breaks my heart. I was so happy today. You were so happy today. We were so happy to think we could be parents. Right all the wrongs that had been done to us. Love a child who was made from our love but...but people like us, Duncan, people like us don’t get to be happy.” The words were coming out of her mouth like venom. He could taste the ashes of her tongue as the burning words entered the atmosphere.

“We do. We’ve earned the right to be happy, Olivia. You make me so happy. And, yes, being a secret sucks sometimes but it’s not forever. Just because it feels hopeless right now does not mean that it always will feel that way. I promise you with every breath I have left in my body that you will always feel loved and be happy because you fucking deserve it.” Almost harshly, he pulled her against his chest as if the force of crashing her against his chest would force the words to be absorbed into her. “I wanted the baby too but it wasn’t meant to be. One day it will be. And you’ll be the most amazing mom like I know you will be.”

“You’re gonna stick it out with me for that long?” she sniffled as she traced her finger in the shape of a heart where his would be.

“I don’t think you ever get to love someone like this more than once. It scares me sometimes but I would do anything for you, Livvy, be anything you needed me to be.”

“Well, right now, I need you to sing me to sleep.” He smiled at her, happy that she seemed to be back to her usual self. Duncan hated his singing voice but one night he had sung in his sleep and Olivia had found it to be extremely comforting.

“Get comfy, little one.” He released her from his arms for just a moment so she could adjust into their favorite spooning position, Duncan clasping his arms back around her once she was settled. To the sweet lyrics of “You Are My Sunshine,” her tears disappeared and Olivia drifted off to a peaceful sleep, visions of cherubs in her dreams.

Tags:

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme

@aveiangdon

@langdonslove

#duncan shepherd #cody fern #house of cards #michael langdon #jim mason

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listiqueblog · 6 years

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40 American Business Owners on What Independence Means to Them

Finally, our merchants share what Independence means to them.

1. John Wray, CEO, Hero Care Packages.

It’s fitting that it’s the Fourth of July.

Independence means different things to different generations.

Our forefathers worked to make better generations for each subsequent one, and so that we could be more free, more independent, and have a more perfect union.

For me, independence means being able to focus on what matters – family, friends, community – while not being tethered to one desk. BigCommerce lets me do that.

I think it’s important for every community to have more independence because without it we lose a piece of ourselves: we lose a bit of who we are.

2. Ashli Clubine, Director of Marketing, Nine Line Apparel.

Independence means the ability to live as a free citizen in one’s own country, to make informed decisions regarding our leadership and our legislation, and to stand up against injustice and corruption by staying true to the values that our forefathers set down when they drafted the Declaration and our nation’s Constitution.

It is often taken for granted by the American people, while many in this world have no concept of what the word even means.

It has been earned time and again by the brave men and women of our armed forces, who sacrifice daily, who have given their lives so that we can live free.

3. Erika Jo Hellbusch, Director of Administration, One Represents One.

Independence to me means having the ability to live up to my own potential without hindering the rights of others.

We all have dreams and goals and independence is vital in reaching those goals, but along with independence comes the responsibility of helping others obtain their goals by maintaining their own independence.

Independence can’t be achieved with an “every man for himself” attitude. We have to work together for independence to be possible!

4. Susan Madunich, Owner and Aromatherapst, Aromatic Blessings.

Independence is the freedom and ability to make your own choices, do your own thing. To be able to express yourself through word and action.

Independence makes me think of the men and women who are serving this country in order to give us these abilities – to do our own thing, make our own choices.

This year I will be specifically thinking of Leah Letson, a professional MMA fighter out of Invicta who we sponsor through one of our products, Matt’s Best Defense Body Wash.

She just left to serve our country with the Air National Guard. She is an incredible woman and we wish her Godspeed on her journey.

5. Stan Farrell, President, ComposiMold Re-usable Mold Making Materials.

Independence means having the choice and being able to create our own voice.

It’s about working hard to be able to make something you believe in.

I still have stressful days. I still have so much to do that I can’t ever get it all accomplished. But it’s my stress caused by my desire to be great and do great things, not by a boss telling me to finish my project by a random deadline.

The decision to work long hours and to make something as good as I can is based upon what kind of future we’re striving to create.

6. Katie Caudill, Founder and CEO, Sunday Coupon Inserts.

I always thought independence meant financial freedom. I was wrong.

The success of my business brought me that, but still left me feeling unfulfilled – like something was missing.

It was then that I decided to sell everything, buy an RV, and hit the road.

I am 6 months into my RV adventure with no return date planned.

I have been to 12 states, seen the most breathtaking landscapes, sunrises and sunsets, so beautiful it will bring tears to your eyes.

Every day is a new adventure.

That is independence – waking up every day to live your dream, fulfill your purpose and feed your soul.

7. Parker Slavin, President, StationeryXpress.

Independence to me means being my own boss and having the means to help others achieve success.

It is my goal to create a truly successful business and hire others that are willing to work as hard as I am so we can all succeed and reach independence together.

8. Stephanie Richard, Owner, Sparkles & Lace Boutique.

My husband is in the U.S. Air Force and I also served in the Air Force as well.

My business partner’s husband is a firefighter.

Our entire lives we’ve both been surrounded by family and friends who have fought for our freedom and independence.

Independence to me means the freedom to make your own choices to be able to lead the life of your dreams, whatever they may be.

9. Brittany Hogan, Owner and Artisan, Nefertem Naturals.

Independence means being my own boss and dictating my own schedule.

Even though our business is still in its infant stage, according to some metrics, I feel 100% successful because I’m doing my own thing.

I work every Saturday and take Mondays off, because, well let’s face it, Mondays have always sucked! And because I’m independently employed, I can do that!

10. Barbara Huffman, Owner & Eco-Friendly Artisan. Southern Magnolia Mineral Cosmetics.

I don’t set an alarm, I don’t punch a clock, I don’t have a boss.

I actually have a little leeway in deciding what “I” want to do, not someone telling me what to do. Independence also means being secure, being available to family or running away from them – and having stability.

I want to say less worry, but we all know if you took the blood pressure of any given small business owner, it IS high! And independence for me was meant to transform the negative events of my childhood into a source of strength, self-confidence, pride, commitment and accomplishment.

I am proud to show my daughter that I was resilient enough to create my own future with positivity, conviction and self-reliance.

In my book, that’s a pretty great place for my independence to thrive!

And I still smile and enjoy life regardless, even if I am eating a microwave breakfast sandwich for dinner!

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11. Erin Mulkeran, Owner, With Luv Design.

Independence has always meant to me that I have the opportunity to create my own path and make my own decisions.

My father, who was a bronze star Vietnam vet, raised both my sister and I (along with our mother) to believe that we can do anything we want in life as long as we are willing to put in the work.

12. Jack Sullivan, Publisher and President, Blue Music.

The quote “There is no alone like the alone at the helm” has always been a mantra in my business life.

Independence carries the same weight: the ability to try new ideas, to think outside the box, to try and fail but keep coming back because we’re independent.

We are creating a company that is changing the model for magazines. We not only advertise the products we write about but we sell them too.

That’s independence in thinking.

13. Jim Taylor, President and Owner, Belted Cow.

Independence as it relates to our company and our business model is fostering an atmosphere where people at all levels feel like they have the freedom to make decisions and take actions to move the Belted Cow forward.

As a small company, it’s imperative that everyone has this attitude.

The challenge will be to maintain this independent spirit in our staff as we grow.

Self-determination to tackle issues and solve problems on their own will result in better products and more responsive customer service.

14. Philip Kauppinen, Owner, Grand New Flag.

It means everything to me: freedom from oppression, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, freedom to worship, freedom of speech.

It is being allowed to live my life as I see fit as long as it does not harm others.

It is the right to own my land. I could go on and on.

15.Jason Harrington, Owner, Lullaby Sound Design.

Independence is the freedom to commit your energy to those things which further your personal vision and direction.

This may be part of a shared vision, and may not always mean doing what you “enjoy.”

But independence allows you to do the work that grows your company in the direction that you desire.

16. Sara Pippett, Owner and CEO, Bad Habit Boutique.

Independence means, to me, being able to control my own destiny.

I am the one to decides to get up every morning and make a difference.

I am the one that has the decision to have a positive attitude each and every day.

I am the one who, if I have a bad day, I can change it at any point in that day or even the next day.

17. Owner, Chief Bakery Engineer, Gluten Free Things.

Independence to me reflects the ultimate American spirit, where leadership, solid work ethic, customer relationships and a growing profit base creates a sustainable resource.

It’s personally rewarding to me and my wife to experience the happy faces and tastebuds that Gluten Free Things serves a demand for, through years of hard work, sacrifice, core business values and the freedom to own and operate my own business.

18. Mindy Bownds, Vice President, Vulgar Baby.

Independence is the right we have in this country to speak our minds and chase the American dream! To follow our dreams and start our own small business.

It’s what gives Vulgar Baby the right to share with the world our wit and satire through the cunning use of baby clothes!

Even babies have the right to freedom of speech in this beautiful country!

19. Susan Holley, Marketing, Holleys Habitat Homes.

Having traveled many developing countries, independence means freedom of speech, participation in government through voting and being free to choose how and where we want to live.

20. Amy Breaker, Director of Operations, BirdieBall.

We value our independence immensely.

We have been blessed with a little gem of a business, and even more blessed with a family that is willing and able to grow the company. At the end of the day, our success depends solely on us.

Our independence from a big corporation, and success as a small business are the thing dreams are made of.

21. Owner and Designer, Zoey’s Personalized Gifts.

Independence means everything to me, from the basics of having freedom of speech to the ability to live in the United States and start my own business without having to worry about government restrictions or interference.

It’s also something I take for granted every day – that my business is free to operate how I want it to without outside control or support. I am truly living the American dream, and independence in our country has made that possible.

22. Co-Owner, Spartan Blades.

Freedom is the ability to follow your heart and strive to be the best in whatever you do.

Having been to 42 countries and worked in about 26 for extended periods, I know how lucky I am to be an American. Our country affords more freedom and independence than any other country on our planet.

23. Lauren Winfield, Wholesale Manager, The Bearded Bastard.

Independence is forging your own path. It’s leveraging your passion into something you can do every day that makes you happy. It means setting your own hours and where you work.

24. Kevin Danaher, Ecommerce and Marketing Manager, Stuff2Color.

For us, independence represents sharing our passion with others.

As a small and independent business, we have the ability to come to work each day and create products our customers will enjoy.

25. Krissy Sexton, Owner, The Hairbow Company.

Independence is the freedom of choice.

The choice of how you spend your time, investments, how you treat others.

It is the ability to take $500 and build it into a business that employs and helps support 12-15 local families and chooses to take its profit to support causes like Changing the Faces of Beauty, sponsor school fundraisers, and participate in community events.

It means choosing to interact with and intertwine ourselves with our customers by being a part of their lives and memories they will never forget.

26. Patrick Hope, V Sales & Marketing and Partial Owner, Fleet Safety.

To me, independence is another example of how blessed we are.

Independence reminds me to not take the small things for granted.

It also reminds me of those who have fought and served for our beloved country.

27. David Compton, IT Director, R1 Supply.

Independence is a very relative thing, and many people refer to that in financial terms.

But complete independence is never really possible, in business or personally.

We are always dependent in some way on others around us. In our business, we depend greatly on our vendors providing quality products and service and depend on each one of our customers who choose to meet their construction supply needs through R1 Supply.

We greatly appreciate them!

28. Owner and Smile Maker, Taffy Shop.

It’s funny that taffy is associated with parades and parades are associated with the Fourth of July.

It’s pretty awesome to be a part of the celebrations that honor those that give us our independence and allow us our freedoms (including our business freedom).

29. Lauryn Spence, Founder, Pride Chicken.

From the perspective of someone in the LGBTQ community, independence means being able to express yourself and be who you are at all times – no matter what!

30. Jerri Hemsworth, Co-Owner, RP Boutique.

It means being able to be as flexible as I need to be in order to live my personal life and professional life to its fullest.

Being able to run my own businesses has meant that my husband and I have been able to raise our daughter as full-time parents and not miss any of the important events in her life.

It also means that we can travel when we want.

31. Owner, One Faith Boutique.

Independence, to me, is the ability to worship God freely.

It’s the ability to raise my kids in an environment I see fit.

It’s having the opportunity to own my own business and run it however I want.

32. Kate Dillon, CEO, Crate Insider.

In two words, it means “I Can.”

Independence or freedom means the ability to choose and not be stuck.

Whether the choice is to quit a full-time job, go on a vacation, or start a business, true independence means that if I want to, I can.

33. Kyle Sharick, Owner, TracksNTeeth.

Independence means having the freedom and time to do what I’m passionate about and what I love and still have time for a successful and fulfilling life.

It means spending time with my loved ones and family while still maintaining a strong, growing business.

It means solely relying on my abilities and my beliefs that I can get the job done to help my employees and customers who rely on me.

It means having the autonomy to do what needs to get done without having to worry about stepping on toes on a daily basis.

It means being laser-focused on growing my business while still having the ability to look at all the angles, see where we can improve and adjust and still continuing on the path we’ve set.

Owning a business has been my path to independence and freedom.

34. Courtney Henslee, Owner and Formulator, Brazen Bee Beauty.

It is an amazing feeling to work for yourself, and it is one of the hardest things you can do.

As a highly sensitive person, one email or comment on Facebook can bring you down, even after a thousand positive comments.

You have to learn to get your emotional running shoes back on in the morning and reread the positive stories and happy client comments on your page and remember that that is who you really serve.

35. David Skeen, Owner, Matboard Plus.

With regards to business, and in the same spirit of the colonists wanting to be free from dominant and confining rules to find their own path, the internet and platforms like BigCommerce have allowed individuals to be free to run businesses away from the confines and rules typically defined only by “big business.”

This is true business independence.

Anyone anywhere has the freedom to make their own financial path.

36. Jennifer Lugo, Founder and Product Formulator, Verefina.

Independence, to me, means the having the freedom and flexibility to live my life to its fullest while loving the work I do.

It means creating something that supports my life’s goals.

Independence, I believe, is one of the human spirit’s most innate desires, right up there with joy and happiness.

37. Kelli Mallicote, Owner and Vice President, Bodyguard Bumpers.

For years, our company outsourced several processes in our manufacturing line, relying on other companies for paint, pipe bending, etc.

We continually struggled with turnaround time, quality and vendor pricing, and we knew our goal was to ultimately bring all processes in-house under one roof – “become independent from outsourcing.”

I’m happy to say over the years we’ve been able to move into a 40K square-foot facility right here in Paris, Texas, where we take raw steel and turn it into a final product worthy of going on a $150K show truck.

Over the years we’ve struggled through several phases to get here, but ultimately we are living the American dream and we’re proud owners of a 100% American-made product and manufacturing facility, which is the epitome of business independence.

38. David & Brandi Garcia, Owners, Fluff and Familia.

The official definition defines it as a state of being or the ability to be independent.

And I think that speaks volumes: being.

We are given the freedom to express ourselves, our values and our beliefs.

No matter how different we all are, we are just all “being.”

39. Sherry Gillis, Owner, Skyway Tools.

I like to have an autonomous website so that I can control my business.

My husband and I have had an independent tool store in Northern California since 1986.

We were both widow’s kids and we had to build our business from hard work and long hours.

Owning a business has enabled us to make a living and not have a boss to deal with and we are empowered to make it or break it in our business.

The harder we work, the luckier we get.

40. Nick Borrelli, Ecommerce and Marketing Director, NuWave Marine.

This has changed for me as I have grown.

It started as “I don’t have to work 9-5.”

Then I realized that my suppliers are basically my boss and I’m hustling so that they can make money.

True independence to me is owning the entire process from manufacturing to distribution to end-user sales.

Independence is having full control and owning everything that could possibly be a step in your way.

That’s our goal here.

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40 American Business Owners on What Independence Means to Them published first on https://goshopmalaysia.tumblr.com

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outrospecting-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Week 6

- This last week in Hanoi was a blur... on Sunday night (after we came back from Ha Long Bay), it’s after dinner and our host family tells us that we’re doing gifts at 9:30, which got me all sentimental a full week before we were actually leaving.. The gifts were customized pillows with our freaking pictures on them - mine said “so cute Celine”, and Heather and I were in shock for a good 5 minutes before we commenced a photo shoot in their room.. I’d never forget this family and this homestay experience anyway but this pillow guarantees that.. complicated my luggage situation a bit, but probably one of the most thoughtful gift i’ve ever received, and i’m gonna get all nostalgic every time I see this back home - Had a bunch of assignments due (every one of which I decided to start past 1am on the day of deadline).. One of these was an ethnographic paper where we basically were supposed to walk around the city and make sense of the space by documenting little details and assigning meaning.. I fell in love with the city all over again doing this, it’s kind of beautiful how people become their own authors of public space and start owning it as they see fit - i ended up near a lake and people were sitting on step stools (that they use at restaurants as well) drinking beer and had their own makeshift restaurants on the grass area and i feel like you don’t ever see this in urban American cities but i love it so much.. interesting how “unregulated” this business-scape is, in a sense because Vietnam is technically still under a "communist” gov - Also had a group case study presentation which we logged some coffee shop hours putting together.. (cong caphe has this coconut blended iced coffee which we were all obsessed with.. and a really nice bookcase aesthetic.. so literally all of us were in there working on case study on Thursday afternoon) Our case study topic is “psychosocial and emotional well-being” which everyone has been calling mental health because that’s essentially what it is.. so we started out with questions about whether people feel depressed/anxious and why and how they deal with it, but quickly realized that depression and anxiety aren’t concepts in vietnam, and tried to replace it with words like sadness/stress (which also didn’t really work because it just isn’t “normal” to think about these things). I was familiar with this frame because it’s where i come from - which was the beginning of a set of epiphanies about my background and cultural roots.. our western notion of “mental health” is quite medicalized, but i don’t think this means that the non-western views should be seen as “backwards”, as much as i’ve experienced it negatively in the past. It took some processing, but we found that people, students specifically, view stress as normal (which it is) rather not pathological, and therapy/counseling isn’t considered until it’s a serious mental disorder where the person clearly cannot function and go about everyday life - which is also subjective, i realize. Our in-country faculty were actually working on a research project trying to test the effectiveness of a workbook in helping people deal and cope with their depression, moving toward the set of beliefs about mental health that we’re familiar with at spaces like my school and many other American areas (not so much my hometown, i don’t think).. For our case study project’s sake, we pretty much abandoned the focus on mental illness which really wasn’t transferrable, and started thinking about mental well-being - how do people find meaning and happiness in their life? - a more universal concept than “depression”.. the people we interviewed were very diverse, and we interviewed them for different reasons - students at Hanoi Medical University (to learn about their thoughts/knowledge about psychiatry? which wasn’t very productive lol), a bunch of people in the Thai and H’mong villages (to learn about their lives!! see last post), the director of a psychiatric hospital (to learn about what care for mental illnesses looks like and how people in general approach it)… so our preliminary “conclusions” were very broad, but i think the most valuable takeaway was that we really need to step outside our own frames and put on a new set of goggles to understand people from their own frames of reality on what everything in their life means (or doesn’t mean) to them - Another one of our pretty obvious conclusions was that stability (in terms of external conditions) is necessary for positive mental health - like stable family life, stable job, stable home, etc… which is so unfair how many people don’t have this. But I also thought about lots of cases of depression i’ve encountered that could be attributed to over-stability? stagnancy? idk what the right word is but i’m thinking of people who have a “stable” life but want more in life and feel stuck and become depressed because they need change? i realize it requires a lot more privilege to fall into this state, but I also don’t think it should be downplayed due to its context. probably not something we’ll dig into in our case studies (well who knows) but this is of personal interest, as well as the biology behind it - On Saturday I had planned to go on a day trip (to Ninh Binh) for boats and caves and sightseeing, but I decided against it and stayed in Hanoi because I wanted a final day to be in the city and finish crossing things off my list. So I went to this cafe in Old Quarter called Note Coffee where sticky notes covered every wall, every table, every square inch of ceiling.. i wish i could’ve stayed here for a full day and read as many notes as possible.. loved reading cliche quotes and love letters and random weird bits from people all over the WORLD like what a concept... I sat here and felt like I was in 20 places of the world at once.. it was like an organically created museum of traveling humans :’) - I’d planned to spend the day exploring Hanoi alone but that morning, Gwen - our lovely program volunteer / case study translator messages me asking if I’m free and asks to hang out!! So we met up and she took me around on her motorbike to her favorite food spots so I could try things i haven’t tried yet (had the most amazing fruit desserts), and we went to the Temple of Literature. We had such good conversations that I’ll probably never forget -- we talked about literally everything, and it was actually incredible how much we had in common. She’s perfectly fluent in English, which she mostly learned through watching American movies / reading books, and because of this she understands and actually identifies with American culture a lot? which I thought was really interesting. Didn’t know this before, but she’s also fluent in French, (even more so than English), she started working for a (pretty big) travel agency this year, but before than she was a language teacher while she was going to school. She wants to get her Master’s next year either in France, Canada, or Switzerland - this gives me hope that maybe we’ll meet again soon, but until then I promised myself that we’ll keep in touch and be pen pals :’) - Saying goodbye to Hanoi was so hard, I didn’t realize how attached I got to the environment and to the people. When I was asked which country I was most excited for, I said either South Africa or Argentina because I honestly knew nothing about Vietnam and didn’t know what to expect/be excited for. But these were some of the most beautiful, epiphany-filled four weeks of my life, and frankly I don’t think SA or Argentina could beat it. People on the program have asked me why I loved Hanoi so much, and I haven’t been able to give a straightforward answer, because as much as I fell in love with the food and the motorbike rides on the crazy streets and the alleys lined with cheap clothing and gift stores, it’s the intangible things - what I learned about myself and where I come from, and what I learned about people and the world - that give this experience so much beauty, and I am grateful beyond words for the moments I felt on top of the world, for the lessons I’m taking away. Hope we’ll meet again one day :)

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