#why couldn't i have been born with a fixation that makes me incredible at math or computer science

[gideonisms]

it's really irritating and difficult to live my life sometimes and for what? not striving to accomplish any huge goals here but the tiny ones, are also excruciating,

#why couldn't i have been born with a fixation that makes me incredible at math or computer science #then i could at least keep the money rolling in #who cares if you eat dinner at 1 am or struggle through basic decisions and interactions if you've got that cash money. #then you're just eccentric #there's like whole social & economic theories devoted to this i'm aware #but sometimes it's like. okay i understand that socially we have decided to do things earlier in the day not my fault for hating that #but i also would like to see the sun. i would like to visit coffee shops and take pleasant strolls and have friends in my area #and do little tasks and contribute in some way to my society #and i would like to do all of this without playing 5d chess to work around the whole way that i am #i have projects of my own you know! and then i'll do one social thing and just be like a zombie the rest of the day #i forgot to get a working microwave today. how do you forget to solve the same problem you've been having for a week and a half again #what? it's just empty space in there #sometimes it strikes you eating dinner at 1 am that maybe you are the messy bitch #self love through the other or something