#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized

[savage-rhi]

✨️Magenta✨️

#I've been really sad lately #its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on #and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares #my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious #but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest #I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone #will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized #out of participating with folks or doing activities #and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled #from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company #but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time #it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays #and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone #and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion #its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion #and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face #it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone #just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love #and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist #and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol #i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy #i don't know what id do without it #magenta is my safe word for venting #thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void #getting shit off my chest at 4am #i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee