#will the bathhouse employees let his stinky ass in? tune in next time to find out!

[ampleappleamble]

lmao how/why am i actually still writing this y'all???? anyway, here's the first finished portion of my new Pillars WIP, working title: God's Children Bathe Free. It's gonna be a one-chapter wonder about an old man takin' a bath and having Feelings about it ♡

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It was the third Rytlingsdag of the month.

Having been raised in a land of sub-freezing temperatures and a culture that regarded him as more holy symbol than flesh-and-blood man, Vatnir had only ever rarely found himself in the company of the underdressed. Communal bathing was commonplace in many clans to conserve the energy needed to heat bathwater, but bathing alongside ordinary clanmates wasn't an activity befitting the progeny of a god, apparently, so Vatnir had always been obliged to wash by himself, when he bothered at all. (This was all due to piety, of course. Nothing at all to do with how he looked, how he smelled.) And for a brother or sister of the clan to attempt to initiate any kind of inappropriate intimacy with the High Harbinger, to open their robes to him– why, that was unheard of, a perverted act of unforgivable blasphemy. So while he had gotten glimpses here and there over the decades of kith with their chests bared or their trousers around their knees– Hel, back when he'd still had lips, a drunken reveler had even kissed him once, full on the mouth, during a festival– the priest could honestly say he'd seen more dead people in his life than he had naked people.

So to say that his first evening in Neketaka was a bit of shock to him would be somewhat of an understatement.

"Because it's the third Rytlingsdag of the month." That's all she'd said when he'd asked the Duskspeaker why they were here, in this too-crowded, too-loud, too-bright street in the middle of this twisted pile of a city. Though the sun was setting, the streets of Periki's Overlook were more than adequately illuminated by arcane torches, their eerie blue light glinting off of the glittering cobblestone. Vatnir winced against the unnatural glare as he tried to avert his gaze from the unsettling amount of bare skin around him, and he muttered softly to himself, pondering the uncharacteristically cryptic response the little Watcher had given him. What did the day of the month have to do with dragging him up a crowded, noisy mountain, being shamelessly gawked at by barely-dressed socialites?

"You haven't figured it out yet?" The air suddenly tasted strongly of the sea, and Vatnir turned his head to find Tekēhu looming over his shoulder, that seemingly permanent sensual grin still chiseled into his perfect face. "I say, you are a rare one, friend Vatnir. I almost envy you, your innocence..."

"Don't tease him, Tekēhu." Pallegina's voice had an edge to it– more than usual, even– but Vatnir still spotted a tiny smile playing on the feathered woman's lips. Until she addressed him, of course, and her typical cool scowl returned. "We are heading for the Luminous Bathhouse, priest. The proprietor offers use of the facilities free of charge to all Godlike patrons after sunset on the third Rytlingsdag of every calendar month."

Tekēhu laughed and his hand fell heavily on Vatnir's shoulder, his knobbly knees knocking together under the blow. "Ekera, just so! And he has done so every month for at least as long as I have been in the city, if not longer. A truly magnanimous soul, my heavenly half-brother Ganor. And a wise leader our little Watcher is, to take advantage of such a generous deal!" His sharp, white smile gleamed in the arcane lamplight, and the sickly little elf winced.

The bathhouse. They were going to the bathhouse, ostensibly for a bath. And...

"And... the Duskspeaker expects me to go in there?" Vatnir's near-constant trembling intensified for a moment as he considered the implications. Oh, gods, was he actually going to have to disrobe in public, in front of everyone? In front of the Watcher and her little wizard boyfriend and that horrid animancer woman? ...And was everyone else going to...?

Tekēhu blinked at the horned man, oblivious. "Well... ekera, yes, of course. The baths have no entry fee for Godlikes this evening, we are Godlikes–"

"–and the Watcher likes to take good care of her crew," Pallegina finished for him, slowing her pace to match Vatnir's. She craned her neck to gaze into his face, a spark of concern in her golden eyes. "...Although she would understand, I think, if you'd rather not participate."

"Don't get my hopes up, serra, please," Ydwin sighed as she strolled quickly past the little cluster of Godlikes, and Vatnir shot her a vicious glare that she did not notice at all. Tíkka.

Tekēhu actually gasped, and Vatnir found himself tolerating the man's gigantic, clammy hands on his shoulders yet again. "Not participate? Oh, my dear lady knight, you mustn't suggest such wicked ideas to one who has never experienced the pleasures of the Luminous Bathhouse before! Especially on this day of all days! To allow this poor, pitiable man to pass up the opportunity to luxuriate in those magical waters and not pay a pand for the privilege– it's a crime, I say, and one that I simply cannot condone." He squeezed the priest's shoulders to emphasize his feelings on the matter, and Vatnir grunted in annoyance, wriggling angrily out of the well-meaning fishman's grip. Tekēhu looked positively wounded.

"You will go to the bathhouse with us, won't you?" The watershaper's wet, black eyes fixed themselves on Vatnir, shining opalescent in the streetlights. "You must!"

"Unless you would prefer not to," Pallegina insisted, shooting the tentacle-headed man a look halfway between warning and plea, before turning her attention back to Vatnir, that same concern from before still gleaming in her keen eyes. "You seem to be a bit... overwhelmed by the city. If the bathhouse seems like it might be too much for you, there is no shame in admitting that. But ultimately, the choice is yours to make."

It took the priest a moment to realize that the other two had stopped talking and were staring at him, waiting for him to make up his mind now that his options had been presented. His eyes darted quickly between the other two Godlikes– Tekēhu, making sad eyes at him like an orphaned seal pup, and Pallegina, her cool aloofness only slightly betrayed by one feathered eyebrow cocked ever-so-slightly higher than the other.

And then he looked past them to the fore of their little group, at the Duskspeaker marching confidently up the hill, her broad hips swaying alluringly beneath her bountiful burgundy curls. At Aloth next to her, the muscles in his shoulders and neck taut and firm beneath his smooth, flawless skin. ...At that hairy blue gremlin of a pirate, practically hanging from Ydwin's elbow, cracking wise and peeking back over his shoulder to point and smirk at Vatnir. At Ydwin, responding with yet another infuriating snicker that came, no doubt, at his expense. Vatnir glared petulantly back down at his feet, embarrassed and angry and conflicted.

If I go in there, they'll– everyone in there will see me, look at me. At my ruined body, my horns, what remains of my face. He could already picture the disgust on the other bathers' faces, hear the jeers and exaggerated retching that often accompanied his appearance in a public place. Not that others' opinions of his body had ever really mattered to him before, but it hit a little differently without his High Harbinger clout to protect him. And I'll see them, too. All of them, with... everything that implies. He stole another glimpse at the Watcher's curves, her full, round behind wiggling as she walked– and he instantly regretted it, guilt and shame bubbling up in his gullet like bile.

But... it'll feel nice, at least, the bath will. Probably. And all the other Godlikes there will surely divert some of the attention from me, at least insofar as providing a bunch of other strange bodies for the nosy fools to gawp at. And even if I do have to suffer the indignity of being stared at and mocked, they'll have to endure the experience of perceiving me, too. Hel, it might be worth it to attend just to spoil Ydwin's evening... He pictured the haughty little shrew gathering her things and storming off in a huff, her precious bath ruined by his mere presence, and his lipless mouth twitched into a mangled grin.

"Oh, I..." he sighed, picking absently at a scab, "I could join in just this one time, I suppose. If, as you say, I must." He rolled his eyes back up to meet Tekēhu's, just in time for the giant to pull him close with one arm, crushing the frail priest against his moist, briney torso in an overly energetic side hug.

"Marvelous!" he cried merrily as he lifted the poor man off his feet. "My friend, you won't regret this. I'll make certain of it!"

"Di verus, I think he might regret it a bit already," Pallegina chuckled as she picked up her pace again, the matter settled at last. "Do put him down before you hurt him, aimico."

"Too late," Vatnir gurgled, writhing miserably in the aumaua's grip. This was going to be a difficult evening.

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#pillars of eternity #fanfic wip #vatnir #tekehu #pallegina #will the bathhouse employees let his stinky ass in? tune in next time to find out! #(spoilers: yes but axa has to yell at them a little bit)