#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[thebrokendigitalcircusau]

A Near Disaster

Pomni barely got any sleep the previous night.

Ugh, I shouldn't have played with that fidget toy.

She rolled out of bed and picked up a fidget toy off the floor. She always hated organizing her stuff, so she'd just leave it on the floor. Her hair was a mess. She put the fidget toy in her pocket and staggered down the hallway.

"Hey, kid. Didn't get much sleep, did you?"

It was Jax in his usual mocking tone. Pomni facepalms.

"What do you want, Jax?"

Jax had a smug expression on his face.

"Kinda rude, Pomni. I was just saying hi."

"Hello, residents of the digital circus!"

Pomni winced. Caine was always really obnoxious. She was tired and she didn't feel like putting up with anything today.

"Caine, can you... tone it down? You're a bit loud."

"Nonsense! I'm not loud!" Caine exclaimed.

Jax groaned, annoyed. Pomni could've sworn she heard him say something under his breath.

"I'm blind, hut I wish I was deaf right now."

No, she must be hearing things. Jax isn't blind. He can see... right?

"Well, come on now, you're just in time for our digital adventure!"

Doof, who had heard everything, came out of her room.

"Shut up, Caine!"

Her tone came off sharp, surprising both Pomni and Caine. Even Jax was a bit surprised. Doof was kind of grumpy, but she was never usually the type to get angry enough to yell.

"Woah, a bit aggressive there, huh, sis?"

"Shut up, Jax."

"Whatever, Doofy."

"I told you to stop calling me that!"

"I don't care."

Doof looked like she was ready to tear Jax apart.

Pomni was watching Jax. Once again, his pupils didn't seem to focus on what he was 'looking' at.

"Jax, can I speak to you?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, whatever."

He put his hand underneath Doof's chin.

"See ya later, sis."

"Don't put your hand there. It makes us look like a couple."

"Yeah, so?"

"We're siblings!"

"So? It's not like we're actually dating or anything. Not to be dramatic, but I'd literally rather die than date my sister."

He finally left Doof alone and followed Pomni.

"So, what'd you want to talk about?"

Pomni sighed. How should she go about this? Should she just be blunt about it?

"Jax, this might sound a little bit random, but your pupils never focus on whatever you're looking at."

"Yeah, because I can't look at anything."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm blind. I can't see anything. That's why my pupils don't focus."

Pomni was completely taken off-guard. If Jax was blind, how come she's the only one he told? Why was he acting so casually about it? That's impossible, isn't it? Wait, now that she looked closer at Jax's eyes, she noticed his pupils were kind of foggy, almost gray instead of black. As if reading her mind, Jax answered those questions.

"I know you have ADHD. I may not be able to see, but I can still hear. I keep hearing you either talking about it or playing with fidget toys. I mean, I know I'm not really a rabbit, just a human inside of a video game, but rabbit ears are pretty sensitive."

Pomni's heart sank. Jax is the type of person to tell everyone someone else's secrets.

"I won't say anything about it, kid. I hide my blindness from everyone, so I can see why you hide your ADHD, no pun intended. It'll be our little secret."

Pomni was taken aback. Of all people, Jax was the one she could trust?

"What do you say, kid?"

"Alright, it's our little secret. Thanks, Jax."

"Well, we better get back before everyone gets suspicious."

"Good idea."

As they headed back, Doof glared at them.

"Where were you? You missed most of the digital adventure."

"Eh, not my fault, sis."

Doof groaned, annoyed.

---------------------

The entire adventure was disorienting for Pomni. She was absolutely exhausted, but oddly enough, still restless. This caused a spark of suspicion from Zooble, who was next to her at the moment.

"Pomni, what's with the restlessness? You're always like this."

Pomni couldn't think of what to say. Out of panic, she took out her phone and flashed the light at Zooble, which made her really twitchy.

"Hey, don't do that! What the hell's wrong with you?!"

Gangle was quick to step in front of Zooble to prevent the lights from flashing in her eyes. This was really unusual. Gangle usually had some loud outbursts, but she was never the type to yell.

"You almost gave her a seizure!"

"Hold on, she gets seizures?"

"Yeah, she's epileptic! Only I know about it!"

Pomni froze with shock. She had no idea Zooble was epileptic. Were flashing lights that big of a threat to her?

"Zooble, Gangle, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," Gangle said. "I should've never shouted at you like that. I don't know what I was thinking."

Zooble sighed.

"No, no, it's okay. You couldn't hear your own voice."

Pomni was a bit confused. What did Zooble mean by that? Why wouldn't Gangle be able to hear her own voice?

-----------------

Any guesses as to why Gangle can't hear her own voice? I also posted THIS on Wattpad, but I decided to put it on Tumblr too.

#tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc caine #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus #tadc gangle #tadc kinger #tadc kaufmo #tadc zooble #tadc bubble #tadc #tadc au #the broken digital circus #tadc ocs #tadc beepie #tadc springy #tadc pawnie #tadc fizzles #tadc doof