#you’d be surprised to hear how many people would rather try to defend Lloyd then recognize the issue here

[nonbinarykai]

Martyrdom is not inherently noble. Lloyd and Kai are both valid in their POVS, especially in a subject like loss. When Lloyd sees that all Kai thinks of is how he wishes it were him instead, he sees it as Kai not valuing Zane’s own sacrifice. While of course, everyone handles grief differently, this can be seen as Kai disregarding how everyone would just be grieving him instead, and this can be exhausting for loved ones. Thus, Lloyd sees this as selfish from his POV. That’s just my two cents :]

Idc how many times Im going to say this but I am going to keep saying it until people realize it

It is never okay in any circumstances whatsoever to call someone selfish because they are grieving.

There’s no “valid” POV’s in that there’s just reasons, not excuses.

Tw: desc of grieving,

For people who need explaining, what Kai is going through here is the 3rd ((or like 5th? Idk I don’t remember the updated chart)) stage of grieving which is bargaining, basically it’s when you try to come up with scenarios where you’re able to “trade” something for the item or person your grieving for. For dead people this can be what Kai is experiencing, thinking that the world would be better if you died instead of someone else.

What Kai is going through here is a natural progression of the grieving cycle. While your right everyone handles grief differently, Kai expressing these thoughts isn’t exactly unique or out of character for those who are going through this grieving stage.

And while yes I understand Lloyd is a minor, and I understand he is also grieving, and that he’s probably been taught this by wu, that doesn’t make what he says ok what so ever. These are REASONS why he said it, but none of them are going to make his POV “valid”

The reason why it’s so harmful to say that to people because their grieving is because it effectively harms there grieving process and what Lloyd did harmed kais. Your effectively telling that person that they’re selfish for being upset about something it’s completely normal to be upset about. And encouraging that person to bottle up there emotions WHICH IS NOT HEALTHY! Teaching people that there response to grief is to just ignore it or push away those thoughts is teaching them to try to stop grieving which is bad because it stops the grieving cycle which is important because it allows you to properly cope.

So is lloyd instance of this kind of unhealthy coping valid because he has the wrong perspective of what Kai is expressing? No it’s not. Because the instance of this kind of behavior isn’t valid to begin with. There’s nothing valid about suggesting that your friend expressing these thoughts is somehow selfish of him. There nothing valid of using past experiences you weren’t personally involved in against him just to make your point.

And again, like I said I understand Lloyd is a kid. And I do believe that wu is the most at fault here. But you need to realize that this type of thinking is harmful to all parties here including Lloyd and to suggest that because Lloyd doesn’t properly understand the situation means that kind of thinking is valid is ignoring the real issue

#dw Im not mad about you thinking this #you’d be surprised to hear how many people would rather try to defend Lloyd then recognize the issue here #as someone who’s personally experienced losing a friend I know what it’s like from both Lloyd and kais perspective #the problem wasn’t that Lloyd was being rude the problem is that Lloyd was enforcing toxic coping mechanisms taught by him #if you have any questions about this kind of stuff feel free to ask me #Im no therapist or psychiatrist though so I do suggest doing your own research aswell