#yuehua enterainment

[yanjuniverse]

The Way We Fell - Fan Chengcheng

[a/n: i’ll get around to writing all of this for nine percent one day] / masterlist

[cxk, cln, fcc, hmh, lyj, zzt, wzy, wlk, yzj]

God, what had you done in your past life to deserve him?

Fan Chengcheng, the music that name brought to your ears.

He was another kind of human. The two of you always bickered right down each other’s throats until Zhengting and Wenjun would try to separate you two. But, it never lasted long as you squirmed from their grips and back into each others’ arms, a heap on the floor laughing, pinching, giggling and happy.

You’re not sure how the two of you had met or when. You just knew that there were too many mutual friends that you shared with him.

And maybe it’s just his personality but you always thought that Fan Chengcheng was a definite grade A asshole. Even more so, the earliest memory you have with him ended with you throwing a drink in his face and stalking out of whatever bar Zeren had dragged you out to. And yet, despite being blinded by a shot of vodka to the eyes, he still stumbled out of the bar and gripped your wrist, dragging your screaming body to come back in so Zeren could take you home. “If you ended up dead or something, it would be my fault. Now stop being a bitch and wait for your babysitter.”

To this day, he refuses to get drunk around you. The two of you have had too many arguments and fights that he’s afraid you might actually stab him or something.

That’s why the one time he does get drunk around you, he’s flushed red with blood to find out the two of you had kissed rather than killed each other.

“At least the sexual tension is resolved,” Justin shrugs, whining when Chengcheng smacks his back. “Hey! That’s not nice!” he pouts. Chengcheng rolls his eyes and stalks out of the room to see you still asleep on his bed.

He flips the sheets and watches you tumble to the floor. He curses at you, yells a bit, gently shoves your arm then pins you to the floor and kisses you into oblivion.

Xinchun says he saw it coming as he collects a fat wad of money from the kitchen counter. He smiles and splits it with Quanzhe, inhaling the scent of the fresh dollar bills obnoxiously. Chengcheng curses them all as giggles fall from his gege’s mouths, his younger brothers biting back their smiles.

Yet, despite the fact that you make Chengcheng want to rip his hair out, he finds himself missing you a little too much when you’re away. It doesn’t take long before a dresser becomes half of his closet. He doesn’t mind. It means more time to spend teasing you.

You two still tease each other often. Sometimes, the lengths you two go to leaves the younger ones with wavering eyes. But in the end, Fan Chengcheng was an asshole but at least he was your asshole and to him, you were just as much.

He liked it. After growing up the way he did, he was happy to find someone to be real with him. He liked how you told him his shirt was ugly or that the way he did his hair looked like he just rolled out of bed (and not even the good kind). He liked when you told him he was getting too cocky. He liked when you pointed out all of his bad qualities.

Zhengting and Wenjun quietly watch him change over the next year. They watch him become a better version of himself because of you. He’s more grounded now. It makes everyone smile when they find the two of you swaying quietly in the kitchen to some song he was playing from his phone. They like how brightly his eyes shine now. They like you. You have his back in a way none of them could ever. He listens to you. He opens up to you. He loves you.

It takes him a while to admit it. You guys have dated for more than a year already. After a late night conversation with Zeren, he gets the younger one to admit his feelings. Chengcheng finds himself breaking out into a grin as he tests the new like out on his tongue. “I love you, YN,” he repeats to himself as Zeren chuckles.

He thinks that maybe he should tell you in some extravagant way. Maybe he’ll set up a whole dinner complete with lights and candles and your favorite dish that he’ll make himself. Maybe he’ll set out balloons and streamers and write you a song.

But when you come home today and bring home his favorite food without asking if he’s hungry, he just stares at you. He watches you move around him. He watches you catch up on his favorite show while the two of you eat. He lets you pull him into the shower and smiles as you kiss him in all of his favorite places. He sees that you’ve changed your shampoo too into his favorite scent and you belt out the words to his favorite song.

The two of you are laying int he darkness, your back pressed flush to him as his hand sneaks it’s way under your shirt. The two of you fall into a fit of giggles and grunts.

When you finish, he carefully cleans you up before settling back next to you again, a dazed look on your face.

“I love you,” he whispers, cupping your cheek. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

And he doesn’t think he’s ever heard words sweeter than this.

You guys share another trip around the sun. It’s hard for Chengcheng sometimes. He doesn’t like bickering as much as he used to and it annoys him when you smack him with a pillow during every argument. But he wants to be with you. He pieces you back together after every fight and pins you against the floor until your lips are bruised and swollen.

He knows you find it hard sometimes too. With him being away for tours and all, having to keep this relationship a secret, not being able to go out on proper dates. But you survive it because at the end of the day, Chengcheng is yours and you are his.

You guys are pushing into two and a half years when he tells you that the company wants him to start fake dating one of the other girls. He watches your face break and hears the pieces of your heart crumble to the floor. You want to yell at his company. You want to ask why he couldn’t go public with you but he could go public with her. And he explains it as bluntly as you would.

“She’s famous. You’re not.”

You frown and let him hold you as you cry. He promises that she’ll be nothing more than a coworker and that this is for the benefit of the band. It’s show business and this happens more times than you may think.

When your hot tears finally run dry, he pins you down once more and fills you up, promising that it will always be you.

The fake dating starts a month later. The two of them have to pretend that they’re sneaking around for a while which means more nights than not, Chengcheng will slip into bed at an ungodly hour.

The news articles slowly start to pop up and before you know it, the company comfirms the relationship. NEX7 becomes the trending topic on all social media platforms for the next week.

Chengcheng realizes that since he has to spend a lot more time with her, he might as well get to know her.

She’s nothing like you, he notes. The exact opposite actually. She never tried to pick fights with him. She was nice and pretty funny too. He always had a good time when the two of them hung out.

You find yourself crying at all the pictures they post together on social media. They look like an actual couple. Justin finds you a mess on the kitchen floor and tries his best to comfort you the best he can but it doesn’t work because in the end, Justin is Justin. He’s not Chengcheng. Chengcheng is out at some fancy dinner with her and you’re trapped in this house with nothing to stare at except the pictures on the wall.

But the little one still tries his best as he pulls some ice cream from the freezer. He goes on a whole rant about how the girl seems a little sketchy and that he and Quanzhe have mutually agreed that you’re the better one of the two. When you ask about what the others think, he explains that they’ve already brought it up to their managers that they don’t want her around here. Chengcheng can go to her place but she can’t come here. They all love you too much for that to happen.

Justin makes you laugh and shares some stories with you before he takes your hand and brings you to the living room. He calls Zeren and Xinchun down and the four of you watch movie after movie until you finally drift to sleep.

You only wake up to someone laying on top of you an try to hold back your tears when you realize he doesn’t smell like himself. He smells like her.

Chengcheng spends less time with you and more time with her now a days. Sometimes, when you cut the corner of the halls too fast, you can hear Zhengting scolding someone on the phone. You want to ask who he’s speaking with but he tells you that it’s no one every time.

You’re growing tired of this. You rant over the phone to Ziyi, someone you had grown close to when Chengcheng still hung around his former Nine Percent members. He tells you that if you want to get away, he’ll come get you and you can stay with him and Xukun for a while. You tell him there’s no need just as a tipsy Chengcheng walks through the door. You hang up, get Chengcheng cleaned up and then try your best to ignore the red bruise that taunts you as you lay on his chest to rest.

It starts to head south after you bring it up to Chengcheng. He says it was from you but it most definitely wasn’t from you. You two scream at each other, arguing and throwing things around the room until Wenjun and Zhengting come and pull you apart. You two don’t look for each other after that.

You endure this sort of thing for another month until one day, Ziyi unexpectedly calls you. It’s almost three in the morning and he tells you that Xukun had a dream about you and wants him to check up on you. You end up falling to the floor sobbing. Ziyi and Xukun arrive the next day unannounced and pack your things for you. Chengcheng watches blankly from the door and you’re not sure what breaks you more: the fact that he doesn’t try to stop you from leaving or the fact that it’s his members begging not to go.

“She’s good for you,” you tell him as he stands in front of the house. “You and I...we had a good run.”

“But I still love you,” his voice cracks.

You shake your head. “It’s impossible to love two people at once.���

Quanzhe and Justin are on their knees sobbing, begging you not to go. “Who will take care of us? Who will take care of Chengcheng?” they ask you.

You tell them that they will find a way. That traces of you will slowly become a faint memory. Wenjun, Zeren, Zhengting and Xinchun quietly wipe their tears. They won’t stop you. They know you’ve been suffering for far too long.

As Xukun opens the door for you, Justin screams at Chengcheng. “How could you?!” he yells, punching him pathetically in the chest. “The one person who rode it out for you through thick and thin! And you’re just going to let them go like this?!”

Chengcheng stares at the little one as Zhengting ushers him away. He’s still screaming at the top of his lungs for you to stay. And you almost do. But Xukun reminds you that you shouldn’t. It’s not good for you to live here so miserably. You’ve lost weight, you’re pale. Being with Chengcheng had literally made you sick. He and Ziyi want whats best for you.

Right before Xukun can shut the door, Chengcheng catches it. They exhange a look before Xukun mutters that they have a flight to catch and slides into the front seat.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“That’s just life, isn’t it?” you smile sadly. He nods, resting his forehead against yours and sighing.

“What an honor it was to fall in love with you,” he says. “To have been able to become the person I am today because of you.”

“Don’t break her heart the way you did mine,” you tell him. He nods, opening his eyes to look at you. “Take care of yourself, Fan Chengcheng.”

He leans forward, lips centimeters away from yours. You wait for the impact to come but it never does. He pulls away, wiping a tear from the side of his eyes and nods again. He shuts the door and leaves back into the house without one spare look. The others quietly wave, watching you from the steps.

You go two months without contact to any of them.

You like staying with Xukun and Ziyi. Since retiring from the limelight because they wanted to be together, you realized that maybe, if Chengcheng really loved you the way he said he did, he’d choose the same path as them.

They feed you well and get you a job at a local animal shelter down the street from their house. The three of you adopt a small dog and Ziyi says they should name it Zhangjing when the boy comes to visit.

Life keeps on moving. The sun still rises. The moon still falls. And you realize that maybe, you had put too much effort into your relationship with Chengcheng. Or maybe you noticed that he didn’t put enough in. You slowly forget about the days at the NEX7 house though members do take the time to check up on you. Hell, Justin even came to stay with you for two weeks when he finally had a break.

He tells you quietly that Chengcheng is engaged now. He asks if you want to come to the wedding but tells you that you don’t have to for obvious reasons. You tell him that your job won’t allow you to take such time off. He tells you two days isn’t a lot and says it’s okay to say that it still hurts to look at Chengcheng. You smile at how smart he is, at how much he’s grown. You two fall asleep on the couch to a movie marathon after gobbling down a whole tub of ice cream together.

The day of the wedding comes and goes and life still goes on. The moon is still falling. The sun is still rising.

You eventually move out of Ziyi and Xukun’s home. Your apartment is about a ten minute walk from them and it’s nice and cozy. You hang pictures of Ziyi, Xukun, even Justin has a small frame that sits on your bedside table.

After a month of living there, you check your mail and flip through it. There’s the usual junk and bills but one thing catches your eyes. You leave it sitting on your counter for a month.

Since moving into your apartment, you have met with someone new. His name is Yanchen and he’s sweeter than candy. He kisses you gently and never raises his voice. He takes you around town and shows you the bookstore he works in.

You find yourself wanting to tell him you love him the night you remember the envelope that sits on your counter. After chugging half a bottle of wine, you open it up. The words blur together but you know it’s from him.

He says he’s lived a life full of regrets and that you, you will never be one of them. He tells you he’s getting married soon and doesn’t expect you to be there. He tells you that he probably won’t even send this out in time but he hopes that one day, it’ll get to you. He still thinks about you, if you’re well or healthy. He hopes that you still don’t carry around the same hate for him. He says he understands why you left him. He was very undeserving of you. You probably saw the way Ziyi and Xukun left fame and wondered why he couldn’t too. He wants you to find someone who will always put you first the way you did for him. He rambles on and on for two pages before signing off “yours, and forever yours, Xixi.”

The way you had fallen for Chengcheng may had been too fast. You learned that much from him. With Yanchen, you’ll put your feelings before his and express your likes and dislikes in a calmer manner. You hope that the way you fall for Yanchen will be different from the way you fell with Chengcheng.

And it was.

So, on your wedding night, you write back to Chengcheng.

You explain why you never reached an invitation out to him and how Justin said that you have a kid running around now. You hope he’s happy and that he’s putting himself first. You hope he remembers to breathe and that the world will still turn so he shouldn’t get upset over little things anymore. You ramble for only a paragraph before writing one last thing.

“I hope that you can give all of yourself to her. Loving two people is impossible, Fan Chengcheng. Give her your all the way you never did for me. Fall in love with her the way I’ve fallen for Yanchen. Only then, will you be able to write me back without tear stained sheets. Until then, farewell. -Yanchen’s and forever Yanchen’s, YN”

He doesn’t write you back.

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